Healing Faith
by Mus4u
Summary: Dean's tired of the fight. Castiel knows that he can restore him to the warrior he was. With friend and foe on both sides of the battle field how will they chose their battles. slash Dean/Castiel
1. Chapter 1

I asked my sister for a word prompt and she gave me bag. There is absolutely no mention of a bag here but this is what came of it.

I tried to keep it Gen but when I start writing with these guys I can't help the slash. This started as a one-shot but the more I think about the more I want to add maybe just a little more to the story.

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or it's characters they belong to Kripke

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Dean knew that they were still following the leads but time was passing for him in a way that he didn't understand any more. Days blended together and time felt sort of like it was standing still; it could have been two days or two months since that Night. He didn't go out on the hunts with Sam anymore; Ruby had his back and as shameful as it felt to think it it was probably better this way. Dean did not _want_ to go on hunts looking for Lilth; if he never saw what ever boby the demon had stolen it would be too soon. He just didn't have the strength to fight this war anymore.

There was _that_ fimilar sound again and Dean knew that Castiel would be sitting in what ever crap chair the crap motel had to offer. "Hey," He mumbled. However the time was passing Dean knew that Cas spent most of it with him.

"I have found two more." Castiel sat foward clasping his hands tightly. "That is five so far." He spent all his other time talking with his brothers and sisters trying to find out who were 'disobeidant' as Cas like to put it. "How many more shall I find?"

Dean shrugged his shoulders trying to ignore the twinge of pain he still felt from time to time. "Anna doesn't have any trouble with them?" Neither was sure who was more relieved that Castiel did not have to be the one to slay his kin.

"Anna is powerful she is more than a match for our sin-filled brethren." Castiel said with conviction. Dean sort of dug the knew emotion-conscious angel; except when he tried to go all chick-flick on him; wanting Dean to talk about that night.

Dean nodded and it caused a small spark of pain behind his eyes. "Right." He grounded out trying to ignore the pain.

"If you would only---" Castiel was there in front of him in a blink. "I could heal you." Impatience wasn't a new thing for Castiel but the annoyed huff was.

Cas had offered that night in the hospital he had reached out but with drew quickly when Dean had flinched. He said he could help ease the pain and Dean refused; he deserved this pain. "Leave it be." Castiel was back in his orignal spot just as quickly. The silence streched out between them for what seemed like an enternity to Dean or maybe just a second and he wished that he could move but the stars were still sparking around the corners of his eyes and he wasn't sure if he could mange it without drawing attention to it.

"What are you doing?" Dean finally asked, Castiel was just sitting there staring into space; something on the wall behind Dean's left shoulder had become very intriguing.

"Sitting here with you." Castiel tilted his head to the side and stared at Dean for a moment.

"I meant what are you doing with the whole..." Dean pointed up and swirled his finger around.

Castiel folded his hands again and Dean was beginning to suspect that he was praying when he sat in this position. "I have yet to decide; I have not sought revelation since Uriel died. I cannot make up my mind."

"Anna any help?" Dean didn't feel one way or the other about seeing the newly grace-filled ex-angel; there was too many other things not on his mind, because he was too busy not thinking about everything.

Castiel huffed, "No." For a moment he sounded like a child who kept getting the answer they didn't want to hear. "My faith is strong." He said strongly.

Dean laughed, "At least one us."

Castiel frowned, "You need to have faith now more than ever."

"I---" Castiel again was right beside him, "I never did."

"You did once." Castiel's hand hovered over Dean's. "I can show you that time again."

Dean scoffed, "No more time-travel for me thanks."

"It wouldn't have to be like that." Castiel finally dropped his hand letting it land softly atop Dean's; it was strange for both of them. "Touch is strange for me."

"Fuck," Dean actually felt a smile pulling at his mouth and it felt like his face was cracking it had been so long. "Trying to make this even more awkward?"

Castiel looked away, "What I mean is that when my hands make contact with anothers flesh it is in combat. This," Castiel squeezed Dean's hand, "Is very new to me."

Dean sat up, "Really?" His hand slipped from Castiel's but intrigued now he picked it back up at the wrist and held it. "Interesting." Dean reached up and cupped Castiel's cheek; Castiel did the same with his free hand.

"I could heal you now." They must have looked strange two grown men, except that well they weren't entirely men, sitting on a bed cupping each other's faces and Dean still holding Castiel's wrist with his other hand. Dean looked away, "Why wont you allow me to heal you?"

"You need permission?" Dean's eyes flicked back for a moment before sliding away.

"No, but you believe for some reason that you deserve this pain." Castiel moved his hand brushing his finger tips along Dean's jaw, transfixed for a moment. "I wanted you to realize that you did not."

Dean dropped his hand that was holding Castiel's face and pushed his own face into the angel's hand. "I wish you had left in the pit." The pain was ebbing away and for the first time since that night he didn't hurt.

"I would not have left you there even if ordered." Neither doubted the truth in that.

"Thanks," Dean laid down. His head for once not throbbing, his ribs not broken, even his voice sounded normal. "How were you going to show me my faith?" Dean asked after a pause his hand still holding Castiel's hand in his, both resting on his abdomen.

"It would be a spiritual experience, would you be comfortable with that?" A smile crept across Castiel's face.

Dean looked thoughtful before a smirk reminiscent of his old self flashed for a second. "What are you going to do, wrap me in you wings?"

Castiel did smile then, "For starters."

Dean sat up fast his head spinning for a moment, "What does that mean?"

Castiel sat there a moment, "It is not difficult." As easy as any movement Castiel made he was sitting behind Dean on the bed, he wrapped his arms around Dean and pulled him into his chest. "Close your eyes."

"Okay I'm saying it," Dean complied and leaned back. "But you are taking our already awkward friendship to all new crazy levels." Dean closed his eyes and heard the rustling of feathers. "I can't look at them?"

"Another time," Castiel fell silent and Dean just listened to the two of them breathe for several minutes.

Dean heard a soft laugh and a warmth started to uncurl in his heart, the sound was so fimilar and made him feel at home. "Cas---"

"Listen Dean," Dean felt the soft feathers brush his arms and legs completely wrapping around him. They were as warm as the feeling in his chest as the laughter grew louder, stronger and the more beautiful it became.

_"My Boy, my beautiful boy."_ Soft words surrounded Dean. _"You'll be so important one day."_ A feather brushed his face sending a jolt down his body. The soft musical laughter continued in the back ground. _"Angels are watching over you Dean." _Dean felt a tear slip down his face he finally remembered the laughter and the voice.

"Mom," Dean gasped.

_"You'll be a strong man one day Dean."_ Dean felt more tears escape. _"God loves you, my Dean darling." _Dean stiffened but the arms and wings surrounding him only tighten. _"And I love you Dean."_ Were the last soft words he heard before the musical laughter began to drift away.

Dean did not pull away from the embrace but rather burrowed farther in. "What was that?" Dean's head was spinning, being embraced like this was a poweful feeling and Dean was relucant to give it up. For the first time in months he felt safe, loved.

"Those were memories." Castiel answered, "Things your Mother said to you often."

"I'd forgotten what her laughter sounded like." Dean was disappointed that he would forget something that sounded so beautiful, that sounded like home.

Castiel's wings withdrew from around Dean and by the time Dean's eyes flew open and he turned his head there were no evidence. He was disappointed that they couldn't have stayed like that longer. "Any time you would like to hear it..." Castiel sat back and Dean moved from his position to lean against the head board next to Castiel.

Dean wondered what the angel would say if he suggested now. "Yeah," Dean closed his eyes and pictured his mother and the sound of the laughter together and he felt his heart lighten. "My mom had faith?"

"More than you could imagine." Castiel imitated Dean's position with his eyes closed and his back resting against the head board.

Dean wanted to remember a time when he had faith, "I'll try harder."

Castiel sighed, "Faith isn't about trying Dean." Castiel reached out and took Dean's hand for a moment. "It will be something that grows within you over time. You shouldn't expect it over night."

Dean huffed, "Okay."

"Sleep Dean," Castiel pushed his shoulder softly, guiding Dean to lay down. "Tomorrow will be a new day."

Dean laughed, but it was slightly broken. "It will be just the same as every other day since that night in the barn." Dean felt Castiel's body stiffen. "Don't worry about it Cas. He'd already broken me, all that was left to do was destroy me."

"I am so sorry Dean." The anguish in Castiel's voice was thick. "I knew that it was wrong. I knew that it couldn't possible be an order from Father but I followed _blindly_ and now look what has happen."

"I dont blame you, Cas." Dean turned on his side facing the angel, "I believed you when you said you would do anything not to have me go in there."

When Castiel spoke again it did not sound like what Dean had said brought him any comfort, "In the future I will put your well-being before my orders. You are not a destroyed man Dean."

Dean didn't respond, mostly he didn't know what to say. The angel was carrying around as much fear, doubt and guilt as Dean and they made quite the pair trying to comfort each other. "You need sleep too." He finally said to fill the pressing silence.

"I do not require the same rest as you do." Was Castiel's automatic response.

"That might be so but a good nights sleep has never hurt anyone. Anyways," Dean could already feel his face heating up at what he was about to say, "I always sleep better when you're here."

Castiel smiled and he was not embarassed by what he said next. "Then sleep easy every night for I am always here."

Dean laughed short and real, "Man you take awkward to a whole new level." Castiel settled down next to him and before Dean could say anything more he was off to dreamland where undoubtly Castiel would follow confused by what was awkward from what he said.

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I hope it was enjoyable, thank you for reading! Now that I re read it the word should have been awkward


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or it's characters.

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Dean looked at his brother sharply, "Dude you're catching flies." He pushed pass him and makes his way to his bag ignoring the dumb look on Sam's face. He knows it looks strange. First time in three weeks, he asked Cas how long it had been, Dean is out of bed and ready to go when Sam finally drags himself to the motel room. Though 'drags' is not the operative word; Sam has had a bounce in his step since that night. He can stay out all night hunting demons and drive them the next day to where ever it is next on their quest. Dean thinks about it and he isn't sure when the last time his brother slept, but then again he spends a lot of his time sleeping now too so he couldn't say for sure that Sam has stopped sleeping altogether.

"I'm just surprised," Sam says carefully. The brothers have not been side stepping each other for these three weeks; though again Dean doesn't remember enough about them to be sure.

"Yeah," Dean's still tired but the sound of his mothers laugh is still strong in his ears and even though it had been completely embarassing being in that position Dean was going to ask again, soon. The musical laughter is a enough to get him to _not_ notice the slight bruise on Sam's neck that he knows came from Ruby's mouth. It keeps the hysteria and disgust that his little baby brother is sleeping with a damn demon down, if only a little. Dean jerks and groans from pain out of reflect but the usual pain that would have been accompanied by the movement is gone and another pleasant memory replaces the images of Sammy and Ruby.

"You okay?" Sam is hovering at the foot of the bed staring at Dean's chest and head like he has Superman's x-ray vision. The worry that pours off him is palpable.

Dean nods and entertains the idea of not telling Sam what Castiel did for him; it's not like his brother didn't know that Cas spent most of his time with him. Since that night it would seem that they had come to something of a truce. Dean hadn't asked what happen; doesn't want to know, because he knows that it had something to do with Sammy's powers and the fact that Alistair is dead. That automatically put it on the 'too damn tired' to care list of things about that night he does not wish to know about. As far as not telling Sammy it came down to the fact that Dean's time spent with Castiel felt... private. Like it's their time, no one elses. And that is enough for that chick-flick moment.

"Cas healed me, I'm all better." Dean laid down, it doesn't look like Sam's in a hurry to get to the next town any time soon.

Sam looked confused, "What do you mean? I asked him to heal you and he wouldn't."

Dean shrugged his shoulders, "He aint followin anyones orders."

"Wont he Fall?" Sam asked bewildered.

Another shrug, "Guys got faith." Enough for the both of them, Dean keeps telling himself.

"That can't be all that matters, he has to follow orders... Right?" Sam cares about what happens to Castiel and that eases something in Dean's chest that he hadn't realized was tense until now.

Dean scoffs, "Follow orders? Like Uriel did?" He shifts uncomfortably; Dean had never liked Junkless, not in the least. "Maybe Uriel had a point about one thing. If there is a God, he doesn't care what's happening down here."

"No Dean," Sam is right there leaning over him looking right at him. "You can't think like that. If there is God then he does care what happens down here. He does because if he didn't what would the point be then?"

Dean looks at him unabashed for a moment, "Seriously after every thing thats happen, after everything Uriel _and_ Cas said to you and about you you still have faith?"

Sam looks so sad for one moment that Dean wishes he had never said anything, "Christ Dean. If I didn't have faith I don't know where I would be." That tension, it eases a little more. "I wont say it didn't diminish when I first met the angels but I still pray... Everyday." Sam gets out of his face after that and goes to the bathroom both of them need a moment to themselves.

"It is awe inspiring." Dean's head whipped so fast to the side he's surprised he didn't have a new injury from it. Castiel is sitting on the bed next to Dean, arms crossed over his chest a thoughtful experssion on his face.

"I thought I was over you surprising me." Dean grunts rubbing his neck, another warm hand joined his and the little twinge he had felt melted away. "I'm never going to enjoy a little pain again, am I?"

That thoughtful experssion turns to him, "Why would you enjoy pain? From the pain I felt as Alistair tried to force me back to Heaven it is not something you should enjoy."

Dean sighed and closed his eyes, "Sometimes pain... reminds you you're alive. Back to the 'awe inspiring?'" Dean's quick to change the subject.

"Sam," Castiel said softly. "He still has faith, after everything... He would not Fall." That last sentence is said more to Castiel then Dean.

Dean's suddenly gripped with a icy fear his hand grabs Castiel's, "And what about you? You wont Fall?" Dean knows he doesn't have the fight left in him anymore but the idea of even trying without Cas is a little too unbearable.

"My faith is strong." He repeats his words from the night before and they are still as certain as then. "Even stronger when you too have faith."

A laugh escaped, "Dude leave it be." That hand Dean forgot he was still gripping tightly squeezed back.

"I will not," There's a light pressure along Dean's jaw. "I enjoy you touching me more than when Anna touched me."

Coughing and sitting up Dean twists to look at Castiel who is still leaning against the head board. "Dude," Dean stops unsure of what exactly to say. "What?"

Castiel's eyebrows drew together, "I do not understand."

"I don't understand." Dean fired back, so maybe he had thought he was liking the new Cas with bubbling emotions but this was getting weird.

Castiel tilted his head to the side and had his thoughtful look on full-force. "Maybe it would be best if I did not touch you?" It's a question and Dean doesn't know what to make of the fact that Castiel looks like he fears the answer.

"Wow," Sam's standing with the bathroom door open, a towel wrapped around his waist. He's lookin between Dean and Castiel with a mixture of confusion, amusement and something that may be akin to disturbed. "I think---" He grabs his clothes off the corner of his bed and goes right back into the bathroom.

Dean grabs a hold of Castiel's wrist before he can blink out, if the tinge of rogue to his cheeks is any indication he was leaving. "I don't want that... It's just weird when you say things like that."

"I am confused Dean. It is like experiencing this world for the first time after so long of just meerly existing in it. I watched the sun rise this morning," Castiel paused. "I felt awe and peace. The idea that my father made that possible, that he paints these beautiful and unique sunrises and sunsets each day...." He trailed off. "There are other things here too." He put a hand to his chest. "Feelings that I do not understand."

Dean doesn't know what to say for a long time. Sam comes out of the bathroom, a grin on his face when he sees their clasped hands, mumbling something about getting breakfast. Still they sit in silence. "Help me with my faith and all of this that is happening and I'll try to help you understand what's going on with this... awakening or what the hell ever you want to call it."

"Dean," It's the first time in a while that Castiel has sounded reprimanding and it pulls at Dean's mouth in an upward fashion. "What do you think I have been doing these last three weeks. All the talks, being here for you, with you. I _am_ trying to heal you."

Dean trys to joke it off but it falls short, "I thought it was because I've been great company." Considering that for the first week that Castiel had sat by his side Dean barely acknowledged him Dean has a new appreciation for Castiel's patience. "Then I'll try to help you with this emotion crap, but fair warning. I don't do chick moments well; so no spilling your guts about daisyies or something." Dean's really hoping the joke will get him something.

Castiel frowns, "I can handle this on my own. You need to concentrate on your healing." Wasn't what he was expecting so Dean switched tactics.

"You can't be fighting Lucifer, Lilth and all their little demon armies if you're fretting about emotions." Dean says, suddenly very serious.

"And you cannot without faith." Dean takes it for a deal, a deal that will probably end in Hellfire and Brimstone one way or another. He was certain any course of action that involved fighting this war only had that outcome.

Dean sticks out his hand and Castiel looks at it for a moment, "It's called a handshake Cas, come on." Dean takes up Castiel's hand and shakes it. "It's how us mortals seal a deal." Castiel nods and watches their clasped hands.

When Sam gets back Castiel's gone, he's meeting with some of his kin. The idea that Cas goes off alone to confront possible traitors keeps Dean's stomach in knots; it's new and alittle disconcerting. Dean's seriously starting to miss when their conversations were all one-sided and Castiel was droning on about the history of the Earth according to an actual angel, but this new.. lightness to him makes him think twice about that. Dean had thought that he wouldn't get out of that hospital bed and here he was actually considering this... destiny. He hated that word.

"Dude?" Sam is looking at him, a grin pulling at his mouth. "What was going on?"

Dean fidgets and squirms, he doesn't like feeling alive again; he suddenly misses his catatonic state a whole lot more. "Cas is going through some stuff."

"Like?" Sam presses.

"I don't know," Dean took a bite of his burger to keep from answering. "Things." He says finally when it becomes apparent that Sam doesn't plan on changing the subject. "We're working through stuff, need to be ready---"

"Dean," Sam cuts in, "You don't have to be ready. I'm strong enough for the both of us."

Dean doesn't doubt it one bit, he doesn't know the details but he knows that Alistair is dead and that Sam was the one to do. He has to bite his tongue on the, 'At what cost?' that is threatening to slip it's way out. "Regradless I'm..." Pain grips at him but it is not physical but instead emotional or better yet it was probably spiritual pain. A pain that the knowledge of knowing what he did rips across him. Dean _jump started_ the apocolypse. "Important to this fight." Castiel told Sam about what Dean had learned; it was the last thing he had said that night before he slipped back into unconscious. _"Tell Sam, I don't want to have to."_ Dean hadn't stayed awake long enough to see if Cas agreed or not. "I have to be here, all the way here."

"Is that possible?" It's harsh to hear it, even though Dean's been thinking it.

"I don't know." Dean mumbles.

Sam reaches across to try and grab his hand but Dean is quick to get out of reach. "Dean you left a part of you in the Pit. You can't get it back."

"Fuck," Dean stands up already moving for the door. "You don't think I don't _know_ that? I've known that since I got back!" Sam tries to stop Dean but the look in his eyes stopped him from trying to grab his older brother's arm. "I'll be back... Nothing pressing right?" Dean knows the answer and is already out the door before Sam can answer. If there had been nothing would have stopped Sam from packing the Impala as soon as he got back; he definitely wouldn't have wasted time on a shower.

* * *

I hope this chapter flowed with the first chapter. I know that it seems pretty humorous and that has a lot to do with all those sad stories out there right now. So I'm sort of counter-acting that. I got myself the wing!fic I wanted, Dean healing and hopefully becoming something of our old Dean, and something that has a little humor to it also.

It's not that hard with Castiel being all 'impulse first wonder about it later.'

If there is any big mistakes let me know I beta'd this at two in the morning in my zeal to upload. I re read it a couple of times but in my personal expierence that has tended to do more harm than good. hehe.

I'm thinking maybe five or six chapters altogether... I'm not planning on doing the whole she-bang, like how they defeat Lucifer or what ever, this is more to focus on Dean and how he would heal and come to terms with what he has started. And a excuse to put these boys together, squee.

I also love Sam very much and would never in a million and two years want to see him evil so no evil!Sam here. Hardly misguided, maybe a little coarse all things considered but I love him too much to make him bad.


	3. Chapter 3

I wanted to get this chapter out before last nights eps but that didn't happen.

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or it's characters.

Enjoy!

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As soon as he felt that fimilar presence next to him Dean leaned into Castiel. "I told you to be more careful." Is the first thing he says.

"Yeah, yeah I know." Dean's tired again. "Demons _and_ Angels want to kill me now." He laughs a little self-loathingly, Castiel's arm wraps around his shoulder and pulls him closer.

"I have found two of my siblings I can trust." Castiel says after a moment.

"How do you know?" Dean doesn't think Cas should trust any of them.

Castiel shrugging is such a human, Dean-thing that it makes Dean laugh, an edge creeps into his gawfs he realizes that he's sitting in a park laughing uncontrollably with a guy who has his arm wrapped around him. The laughter turned hysterical but suddenly no one was looking at them. "What happen?" That's when he feels the first brush of silk-soft feather against his skin.

"I have sheilded you from them; to them it's as if you were sitting here before but now you've gone without them even knowing." Castiel guided Dean's head to rest on his shoulder.

"F-for being new at this whole touch thing you're pretty good." Castiel rests his head atop Dean's. He knows that he never would have let anyon comfort hm like this, but now he almost craves it from Castiel.

Castiel sounds content when he speaks nexy, "This is something I saw from your memories. Your mother used to hold you like this?" Castiel wrapped his other arm around Dean and encased him in a hug.

"Yeah," Dean breathes, remembering the way his mother would hold him when he was upset siging to him soft; he's glad that the angel doesn't try his hand at that too. It was already weird enough. "I thought you said I would see them." Dean reaches out and touches an unseen wing. It's warm to the touch and it causes a rush of happiness that Dean doesn't need to explain. For once.

Castiel looks at the children playing in the park, "Their innocence makes them much more perceptible, I have to be careful." Dean nodded and let his eyes drift shut. The pair sat in silence Dean enjoying the warmth and security of the embrace while Castiel watched the children. "Dean have you wondered if the part of you still in Hell should have been left there?"

Dean sits up a bit so he can look at Castiel, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Maybe what stayed behind was the part of your soul that was changing." He says carefully and it takes Dean a minute to understand what the angel is saying.

"You mean the part of me that was turning to a demon?" Dean wrenches himself from Castiel's embrace, the warmth that he had felt suddenly leaves him and he knows that they are once again visible to the people in the park. "Then why does it feel so empty?" Dean rubbed a hand over his chest.

Castiel bites his lip, that hysterical laughter bubbles inside but dies. "It was always a part of you. Every being is born with good and evil or there would be no balance. Your time in Hell changed it though, made it darker. It could have destroyed you if you had brought it back to Earth with you."

Dean hears what Castiel isn't saying. "You knew didn't you? That a part of m-my soul is still in Hell." Dean stands up, his voice is rising but he can't bring himself to care.

"Dean," Castiel too rises. "It was necessary."

"Shit Cas," Dean steps away. "You _left_ a part of my soul in Hell!" Their gathering the attention of two parents only a few dozen steps away. "Christ," Dean needed to get out of the park, he can feel himself beginning to lose his control; hot stings of pain pop at the back of his eyes.

"I never thought that it would hurt you, I thought I was helping." Castiel walks faster than humanly normal to catch up to Dean when he takes off at a run.

Dean turns on him, "You thought that leaving a bit of me in the Pit would help?!" He pushes Castiel as he trys to come closer to him. "It's my Soul Cas."

"I am sorry." The anguish in Castiel's voice is thick with tension. "I wanted you to be the man you were _before_ Hell I did not think you could be that man if you had that tainted piece of soul." Dean didn't make a conscious decision to hit the angel; it had been instinct purely.

"Just go." Dean wont meet Castiel's eyes; too afraid of not only the angel seeing how lost he felt but seeing the hurt in Castiel's own eyes. "Go man, I'll--- call or whatever." Dean walked away and didn't look back.

* * *

"Dude where the hell have you been?" Sam jumps at him before the motel door even shuts. "I've been worried sick Dean."

Dean sways where he stands, he isn't that drunk but the emotional drain of the last six months are weighing heavy on him. "I can take care of myself." He pushed passed Sam and dropped on to his bed, he pulls a flask from his jacket. Sam snatches it from his hand. "What the hell are you doing?"

"What the hell?" Sam tosses the flask to the other bed. "Has it escaped your memory that we don't know _who_ the bad guys are anymore?"

"No it hasn't Sammy." Dean pulls the comforter over himself. He knows what his voice sounds like, flat and void of life.

The bed dips where Sam sits down, "Where's Cas?" Dean lets out a snort of disgust. "Did---Did you two fight or something?"

Dean snorts, "He aint my girlfriend."

"I know that," The impatience is thick in Sam's voice. "I'm just saying it's strange to see you two not together." The room falls quiet and neither man speaks.

Dean listens to Sam's breathing trying to remember a time when things weren't like this. It wasn't hard even that first rocky year after finally being reunited and all the subsequent mayhem things hadn't been _bad_. Hadn't been terrible to the point where Dean wanted to lay down and not get back up. That was where he was now; if Dean could just close his eye and remember the sound of his mother's voice. He snapps his eyes open. If he could do that he would just let himself die; long, painful death. He'd deserve it.

"I'm going out," The bed rightens with Sam's weight being lifted. "Ruby found another lead."

Dean almost quips, 'Have fun,' but he wonders at just how much fun Sam is having now. "Alright," He settles for and the motel door shuts with a click.

"Will you allow me to explain?" Dean jerks with the sudden voice, Castiel is sitting in the same chair he had occupied for a brief time the night before.

"How the hell? Where did you come from?" He isn't used to being snuck up on when it came to Cas, it was like he had the sixth sense attuned to the angel.

Castiel leans forward, hands clasped tightly. "I did not leave you." Dean isn't even surprised. "Please allow me to explain." Castiel waits two beats before opening his mouth again. "We fought our way down the Pits of hell to you, I finally found you." Castiel sounded so relieved even now months later that he had _found_ Dean, that he had saved him from the Pit. "You raged against me," Castiel moved to sit next to Dean, careful not to touch him. "You did not want to leave hell, _that_ part of you did not want to leave." Castiel's hand crept across the bed spread to Dean's hand the laid there limply. "It was malicious," He grabbed Dean's hand and held it loosely. "It wanted to destroy you and me. It would have, if it had been stronger. I rip--- I ripped it away and threw it back down towards Hell."

"No one knew that this would happen?" Dean asks after several moments. He had listened to the short explantion with disgusting interest; he had always wondered, just alittle, what being raised from hell had been like.

Castiel looks away and drops his hand, "I should have seen it then." He doesn't need it explained to him.

"Y'know there's enough guilt around here. Don't hog it all." He wants to be mad, wants to blame Castiel for this whole mess. Dean knows though, deep down, that what Cas did he did because it was what he had thought needed to be done.

The answering smile, be it a very faint almost shy one, is enough to melt away the little anger he had still be haboring. He had forgotten how good a little anger in his blood felt. "I feel as if a pressure has been lifted knowing that you are not... angry."

"Sounds like relief," Dean laid back his head hitting the headboard with a soft thump.

"I felt this way when you awoke in the hospital, but it was quickly replaced with regret. I know regret well now." The last sentence pulls at Dean's heart. "I will always regret throwing a piece of your soul back."

Dean remembers how much he liked torturing people, the relief he had felt when he was finally off the rack. The way his knife had cut them open. _"When you picked up my razor and cut into that weeping bitch."_ Dean remembers her, her eyes, the way the fire lit her skin. "I don't." Dean has to force the words out pass the lump that has formed in his thoart. "I lik---It liked torturing those souls."

Castiel is beside Dean imitating their position from the park more quickly then Dean can comprend, but then he doesn't care. That fimilar warmth he feels now whenever Cas is touching him is back and he wouldn't give that up for anything. A strong hand strokes down his back and he is unaware of what exactly Castiel is saying to him but the soft words wash over him and he begins to feel sleepy, but it is different. He's calm and content a stark contrast to how he usually felt these days.

"Hey," He tries to half-heartedly pull from Castiel's embrace. "Don't try to put me to sleep."

Castiel's arms stay strong around him, the words changed though and he picked up from their conversation in the park before everything went back to hell. "My brothers would like to meet you."

Dean stiffens but the gentle hand on his back makes the fear melt away quickly. "Why?"

"They want to protect you, to do that they need to know your voice. So that you can call out to them if needed." Dean doesn't like the idea of any angel watching his back except for Castiel.

"Why would they need to protect me," This time when Dean went to pull himself away it was with force. "Where would you be?"

Castiel reached for Dean and brought him back into his arms, "I want to be by your side every minute Dean." The way Castiel says the words, his ice blue eyes flashing, Dean knows that very little is keeping the angel from doing just that. "But I cannot and if some---" Castiel cuts his words off and doesn't say anything else.

Dean tried to relax back into the embrace that Castiel had him in. "I don't know. How do you even know you can trust them?" He feels his heart thump in his chest thinking about how strongly Castiel said the words.

"I have faith Dean..." Castiel choked on a gasp. "I have ruined it haven't I?"

"What?" The tone is such a drastic difference then how Castiel had been speaking. Suddenly it sounded like _he _was the one that was pained filled.

"Your faith---"

"I told you I don..." Dean remembers his mother's laughter and is quiet a moment. "Chirst you're going to make me go _there._" Dean took a deep breathe, "Look you didn't ruin anything, okay? Trust me what ever this... faith is... that you think is becoming stronger or whatever you only make it that much stronger." This was so embarassing. "Look I'm not going any farther with this chick-flick moment, so...."

Castiel pressed Dean's cheek into his shoulder, "Please." The angel sounded so desperate, "Please get some sleep." Dean tried to protest but his eyes were already growing heavy and soon he was off to dreamland. He hoped the Pope would keep his promise.

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I hope to have another chapter out by tomo.

Thank you to all those who have reviewed, alerted and favorite'd (hehe) this story so far!


	4. Chapter 4

Hello all, I did not think I was going to be able to get this out to you all today. I'm very pleased with myself that I was able to deliver this on time. I don't think I'll be doing that to myself again.

What started out as a one-shot that then turned into a short multi-chapter story has now grown again, I think. Maybe.

I've been having problems keeping my tenses straight. I'm reading the Twilight Saga right now and the first person POV is messing with my head. I hope I was able to fix it (if there is even a problem, I've been known to over-think things)

This was going to be just from Dean's POV but I wanted it to eventually make it out of the pre-slash phase and into actually slash and believe it or not it's *easier* to do that with Castiel. I hope I kept him ture to his voice and that this didn't come off preachy.

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Castiel knows that it is a dangerous path he has choosen to follow, he knows that eventually his actions will have consequences. When the time comes he _will_ have to answer for his own disobedience. There is a part of him though that knows something is wrong; that things have changed since he was last home. Castiel was relying on what his orders had been: Protect Dean Winchester at all cost; at any cost. Uriel had been the one to come to him with his demotion and thrusted him into the front line of battle. He wonders now how many of Uriel's orders had been recieved from their superiors and how many of them were fabricated to move his blasphemous agenda forward. Another even more frightening thought was how many of those orders had not been fabricated and which of their superiors was the one orchestrating this Converison. Sadness washes over him when he thinks of his seven brothers and sisters that were slain because their faith and loyality was strong enough to resist Uriel's offer. Anger, a new and frightening feeling, boils inside him when he thinks of the ones who said yes. How could they betray their Father, their faith to worship Lucifer? The Fallen Angel and bringer of all this pain. When Uriel had asked if Castiel remembered Lucifer he had not answered, but he did. He remembered his contempt for Humanity and his jealousy; two things Castiel could not understand; he had not felt these emotions and he could not see how Lucifer felt them towards humans.

"Deep in thought Castiel?" He raised his head from the bow it often took these days when he was lost deep in thought. Something that had been new and at first exciting for the angel. Having his thoughts run wild wondering about the things in this world and how much he wanted to experience all of them. Now he was finding it bothersome, his head would _spin_ from how quickly he moved from one thought to the next.

"My apologies Ezekial," Castiel stood, "The Seal? Was it secured?"

"Yeah we got there in time." Azrael spoke up, his eyes were wide with excitement. "What is it like?" Azrael was not an angel who had been made for fighting wars but as numbers dwindle so does the choice of who comes to Earth to fight.

Castiel looked at the older angel and was unsurprised by Ezekail's frown, "We are not here to discuss our brother's---changes." The way he said changes left no room for doubt about how he felt of Castiel refusing revelation and embracing these new emotions.

"Maybe you're not but I wouldn't mi---" Ezekial cut him off with a glare. "Okay."

Ezekial looked at Castiel, "Take us to your human."

'Your Human,' Castiel felt a flutter in his stomach and was unsure of what it meant; he had felt it before mostly when he was with Dean but something had been stopping him from asking the man about it. "Very Well," Castiel placed a hand on either of their shoulders.

"Do you have to keep him so hidden? As far as we know he is not a target for the demons, yet." Ezekail said in the motel room.

Dean jumped up from his position on his bed. Castiel had warned Dean that he would be bringing his brother's to meet him today, but he knew now how much it set the young man on edge that they could appear like they did.

"I think it's sweet." Azrael grinned looking Dean over; Castiel's fist balled on their own accord at the look the young angel gave his charge.

"Hey C-Cas," Dean's hand twitched forward before he crossed his arms over his chest tightly. Castiel knew this stance, Dean was trying to look calm. "You're late." It had been a little over a month since the night Castiel allowed harm to come to Dean and since the young man would become upset if Castiel was gone longer than he said or if was late. Castiel understood that Dean was scared the something would happen to him.

"I know," He stepped towards the skittish man Dean's eyes were moving wildly between him and his brothers, ruining his calm facade. "I was waiting on my brothers."

"We were busy securing a seal or have you forgotten this is a war we fight." Ezekial snapped out, his eyes smoldering when he looked at Dean. Dean took several steps back his knees hitting the bed, he sat down heavily. Castiel recongized the look in Dean's eyes, fear. He turned putting himself in between his brothers and Dean.

"Leave him be," Castiel had never heard his vessal's voice sound like this, the normal gravely pitch dropped lower. He had heard animals sound like this, a growl.

A harsh amusement came over Ezekial's face, "He may have been a blasphemous traitor but he was not wrong." He flicked his wrist in dismissal. "I have heard enough of his sniveling voice. You can rest assured Castiel I will watch over him." He gave Dean one more look, "It would seem that our _Saviour_ will need all the help he can get." Then he was gone.

Azrael stepped forward his own kinder amusement coming to his vessal's features when Castiel stepped foward also. Looking pass Castiel Azrael said to Dean, "Another time I would love to talk to you." Dean nodded once, shakily. Then Azrael too departed.

Alone with Dean finally Castiel joined him on the bed their knees bumping softly. "I did not know that Ezekial would treat you like that. I did not realized, I am sorry."

Dean grabbed his hand and threaded their fingers deftly, "Told you not to trust'em." He mumbled.

"They are trustworthy." Castiel said strongly, Dean snorted. "Most angels are not like me. They would never question or defy orders as I have and will."

"No angel is like you." Dean sighed when head dropped to Castiel's shoulder. A smile threaten to spread across his face; he was never happier then when his charge was at peace.

"Azrael is like me. He is younger and has much more innocence then my other siblings that are here with us on Earth."

"Whatever," Dean was not as relaxed as Castiel had first thought. He did the only thing he knew to make Dean more at peace. Pulling his hand softly from Dean's he wrapped it around his back and brought him closer. They sat there in silence both lost in thought. Castiel worries about his path with Dean; he over thinks all the small touches between them trying to decide if something is too much. He wonders if he allows it to go too far. The knuckles of Dean's right hand brushed softly at Castiel's knee and the other slipped along his stomach and came to rest on Castiel's hip. The tension was slowing ebbing from Dean's body and he tried to push the rambling, unpleasant thoughts from his mind. Dean moved his right hand to gently run over Castiel's shoulder blades an annoyed huff escaped his lips.

"What is it that you are looking for?" Castiel barely notices his own hand softly running up and down Dean's side.

Dean snatched his hand away and let it fall to the bed, "Nothing... Well, maybe. Where are they?" Dean moved his hand over his back one more time.

"My wings?" Since the first time Castiel wrapped Dean in his wings it was something both of them wanted to do as much as possible. He could feel the happiness it brought Dean and for himself it was a bond that he did not wish to share with any other. "They are there... in a way. It is a mystery that I do not truly know how to explain. When I wish them to be corporal they are."

"You still wont let me see them?" Dean ran his hand along Castiel's upper back again.

"It is important to you?" He could not explain his hesitance to show Dean his wings. Whenever he thought of actually doing it his face would feel warm and apprehension would fill him at the thought of Dean seeing them.

"Will they hurt me?" Dean moved and Castiel had to stifle the gasp that threaten to escape his lips when Dean's nose brushed against his neck.

Dean lifted his head to look at Castiel but he could not meet his eyes, instead he answered his question quickly. "Not in the way my body would."

"Ah," Dean put his head back. "Wings are human-friendly, huh?"

Castiel did smile this time, "Something like that I suppose." He responded after some time. "I had a question.. about an emotion."

"Shoot," Dean sounded half asleep, Castiel guided them back to lay on the bed. Dean turned and curled his body into his own.

"When my brothers were here---Azrael---I felt something when he looked at you. It was new and---" He had never had so much difficulty explaining something to Dean. "I did not like how he smiled at you." Castiel finally forced out.

Dean laughed and his hot breathe puffed across Castiel's exposed collar bone. "Sounds like jealousy to me. Aw Cas I didn't know you cared."

"Jealousy?" Castiel did not want to have this unpleasant and dangerous emotion, he wanted to rip it from his body and never think about it again. Then something Dean said caught up to him. "Of course I care about you. I care deeply for you Dean." Castiel grabbed Dean by the chin and made the man look him in the eye. "I know you doubt much but never doubt that."

Dean shook his head a few times his eyes never leaving Castiel's. "I don't. It was a joke Cas."

Castiel's head cleared with those words and he aburtly let go of Dean's chin and allowed him to lay his head back down. "Of course. I am very new to jokes. Their concept alludes me." Dean's body started to shake slightly it took the angel a moment to realize that it was laughter that made him move. "Why do you laugh?"

"It---It--" Laughter kept Dean from speaking for a moment. "Jokes a joke, I just never thought it would be difficult for someone to understand the concept."

Castiel deverted his eyes and could feel that fimilar flush on his cheeks, "What is this?" He gestured to his face.

"Embarassment." Dean brushed a finger over one of Castiel's cheeks. "Wow, I didn't think you could blush."

"My vessal can do all of it's normal functions." He was defensive now and he understood why he did not want to show his wings to Dean. He was embarassed, what if they were not what Dean had thought they would be... What if he made fun of them.

"Hey," It was Dean now that was forcing Castiel to meet his eyes. "I'm not making fun of you." They must have looked strange there on the bed. Castiel flat on his back with Dean hovering over him holding his face in place with a warm hand on Castiel's cheek.

"Have you been praying like I told you to?" Castiel had to distract himself some how; images of Dean leaning down closer were filling his head, as it was all Castiel would have to do---

"Oh woah, sorry." They both twisted to find Sam Winchester and the demon standing in the doorway watching them. Without a word Castiel left and was not present as Dean fell, no longer supported by Castiel, to the bed with a huff.

Castiel found himself atop of a building in a city that seemed to never sleep. His head hung in shame between his drawn up knees. He knew exactly what he would have done if Sam had not open the door at that moment; he would have kissed Dean.

"It may not have been such a bad idea." Castiel's head jerked to find Anna sitting beside him.

"It is wrong." He said with venom.

"It's relative." Anna sat beside him allowing her legs to dangle over the building ledge. "You could have easily taken the vessal of a female, then would it be wrong?"

Castiel looked at her with incredulous eyes, "Yes." Castiel hissed. "It would be still wrong. You are not God Anna."

Anna's eyes had the nerve to look amused, "God I may not be but you and I both know who I am." Anna stood and looked down at Castiel. "Have you ever wondered why it was your soul that found his?"

"God's will." Was Castiel's response.

"Your faith is inspiring." Was the last thing Anna said to him before she disappeared. Castiel was left pondering why it had been him to find Dean; it had taken them forty years to find his soul and of all the angels it had been him, Castiel to find Dean. Now that Anna had brought the question to his mind he knew that it would not leave him easily.

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I hope that last bit with Anna flowed right.

I hope everyone enjoyed I will have the next chapter out as soon as I can.


	5. Chapter 5

I think I'm having as much writing this as you guys are reading it.

Again another chapter that was beta'd at 4 am so if you see anything major let me know. My zest for wanting to publish is insatiable. hehe.

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Dean is up and pushing pass Sam and Ruby without a word. His head is spinning and all he can think about was that he almost _kissed_ Castiel; he would have if they hadn't been interrupted. God, he would be lying to himself if he said he hadn't been thinking about it for the past few days. Any time Cas would almost smile, hold him, wrap him in his wings. Dean wanted to kiss him. It made him feel wrong to even think about it; Castiel was an angel and that couldn't be right to want to do those things to him. That confused him even more because Dean didn't want to _do _a lot of things with Castiel; if they never did anything other then lay in crappy motel beds in each others arms Dean would be happy.

"Damn it!" Dean kicked the wheel of his Impala and instantly felt bad. "Sorry," He murmured rubbing a hand over the roof. He was starting to sound like a chick movie with all his 'all I want is him, I don't need anything else.' What made him the most confused was that it was true, all he did need was Cas.

"Hello Dean," Dean's head whipped around and there was Anna in all her human body glory. Castiel had told him about how the original body had been destroyed and Anna had called in some favors to get it... repaired.

"Anna?" Dean is surprised to see her it had been over a month since she had pulled her reappearing act and she hadn't come to see him. He knows that their night shared together was special to both of them but now he can't help but compare how she handled his pain to how Castiel has handled his pain.

"It is good to see you." Anna stepped close to him and wrapped him in a tight hug. "I am so sorry that I could not help you." When she pulled away he stepped away immediately.

Dean shakes his head, "I-it's okay." He stammered out. "Mean sunvabitch, didn't miss anything." Dean can talk about it now, with Cas, when he isn't feeling like death warmed over. Which is happening less and less. Even then Dean rarely wanted to talk about what Alistair had said to him, any of what Alistair had said.

Anna smiled warmly, "You are so strong Dean."

He snorted, "Yeah. Right." Dean turned away from her not wanting her to see the doubt and fear in his eyes. "I'm strong alright."

"Look at you." She turned his head softly and a stray crazy thought passed in his mind. 'I don't like her touching me as much as Cas.' "You are here, you are alive." Anna's eyes sparkled as she smiled at him.

Dean could not keep her eye long before he dropped his gaze to the ground, "I'm a bad man Anna. I can't save the world."

Anna smiled softly, "Dean it is not my duty to help you with your faith and Cas can only do so much." Dean doesn't like hearing his nickname for Castiel used by someone else, not even Sam. Especially not Anna. "You are the only that can restore your lost faith. Please Dean, pray like Cas has asked you to." Dean nods dumbly before Anna disappears.

Dean doesn't believe her because if Castiel really can only do so much with his faith then he doesn't know if he can do this. Not alone. He thinks about getting in the Impala and driving but he knows that not only will he have Sam on his back but Castiel also; so he stucks it up and heads back to the motel room. Ruby's gone when Dean gets inside and he wonders how he missed her sneaking by him. It bothers him that his skills are diminishing so quickly; he _needs_ to hunt something.

Sam sits up when Dean walks through the door a grin already breaking across his face, but Dean sees it; the worry in the back of his eyes. Dean would worry too if he wasn't haven't such a hard time just keeping up with his own thoughts. "Dude?" Sam gives him a look and then looks right at the spot Cas and him had been.

"We were talking." Dean grounded out, "It wasn't a big deal."

"Dean no offense but you sleep with the guy almost every night." Sam's amused look is threatening to turn serious. "I just want to know whats going on."

Dean sat down on his bed, "I don't know, okay?" He scrubbed a hand down his face, hard. "It's like a snow ball rolling down hill man."

"He's an angel Dean...." Sam trails off and gives Dean his look that says, 'need I say more.'

"Yeah I'm aware Sammy." Dean deadpans.

Sam let out a small frustrated sound, "Dude what do you think Castiel's superiors would do to him if he starts sleeping with a human, a very male human?"

Dean chokes, "Were not sleeping together, well not like that. Man, I'm not having this conversation with you. Done." Dean laid down trying to put some distance, more figuratively then actually, between him and Sam. "You are messed up Sam."

Dean can't see Sam's shoulders shrug but he knows that he does. "Ruby said that there were two other angels here, who were they?"

"She knows when angels are arround?" Dean ignores Sam's question.

"She can smell them." Dean wrinkled his nose at that, he wonders what angels smell like to demons. "Who was here?" Sams' not going to let it go until he got an answer.

"Cas brought two of his brothers here. I can trust them and he wanted them to be able to protect me if he... can't." The idea that Castiel would be unable to help him scares Dean to death. He had never thought he would be able to trust the angel again after what had happen with Alistair but now he isn't sure he can trust anyone but Castiel.

"Are you sure that you can trust them?" There's hard edge to Sam's voice and Dean's reminded again that Sam isn't his little brother Sammy any more. What Sam had said the night of the Siren was true; Sam was the better hunter than him. Dean didn't care that much anymore, if Sam was stronger than him so be it. Maybe Sammy could save the world from End Times and save Dean the trouble. "Dean?"

Dean didn't answer after Sam's question instead he had gotten lost in thought. "Yeah," He cleared his thoart. "They can be trusted. One of thems a mean sunvabitch like Uriel and the other... He's like Cas in a way. He likes us meer mortals." Dean wants the joke to work, he wants Sam to smile, brush it off and go to bed. Then Dean could go to bed and everything would be fine. Except Dean is pretty sure that Castiel isn't coming back tonight so he isn't really looking forward to going to sleep.

"That isn't funny Dean." Not only had the joke fell flat but Sam knew it was Dean's way of deflecting.

"Castiel trusts them, so I do." Dean makes it the end of the conversation by turning off the lamp next to his bed and turning on his side. "Night Sammy."

"Night Dean." Sammy mumbled across the dark. "Dean, you know _I_ don't care what you do with your angel, right?"

"Fuck Sam let it go. I'm not screwing my damn angel." Dean pulled the thin blanket over his body and tried to force sleep to come.

When Dean wakes it's to his bed dipping, his body tensed for a nanosecond before he recongized Castiel's scent... What? Dean shakes the thought away. "Wha're you doin'?" His voice is laden with sleep.

"I am sorry that I.. ran away like that." Castiel breathes out. "I should not have left so abruptly."

Dean shrugged his shoulder, "Whatever." He mumbled into his pillow, out of the last week and a half he had never been so aware of Castiel's body so close to his. Dean can feel the heat of Castiel's chest on his back. "I get that way too when I see Ruby."

The annoyed huff of air hitting the back of his neck is surprising, "Will you please look at me."

Dean slowly turned around being extremely careful not to touch Castiel as he resettled himself. It makes him mad that he has to be careful when not even two hours ago they were practically laying on top of each other, which was what probably got them in this mess. "What? And don't apologize again, you do that all the time. You don't have to."

"Please tell me if I did something wrong." Castiel pleads and Dean wishes that there was some sort of light so he could see the angel's face. So new to his emotions Castiel tended to read like an open book; he gave everything away.

Dean reaches out and claspes his hand around Cas's upper arm. "Why would you think you did something wrong?"

"I almo---" The angel cuts himself off. "Again these emotions confuse me." Castiel slid closer in a fluid motion; suddenly they were touching from chest to knee, and it was Castiel who was being held. It was strange to Dean to be the one giving comfort when it had always been Castiel that held him.

"It doesn't matter. I don't care what you almost did." Dean rubbed his hands up and down Castiel's back. "This is new," Dean stopped his hands and let them rest on Castiel's shoulder blades where he imagined his wings were. "Y'know me comforting you."

Castiel sighed, "I should be stronger for you."

Dean grinned, "Don't worry about it. It's nice actually, being on this end for once." It was different for them. Sam hadn't been wrong when he said that they had slept in the same bed almost every night, but this was the first time they had ever laid like this. Close together, their arms wrapped around each other. This sort of intimacy was saved for when the wings came out.

"Dean," Castiel began but it took him several moments to say anything else and Dean amazed himself with how patiently he waited. "I would like to take you some where tomorrow."

"We'll probably be on the road most of tomorrow. Ruby got a good lead in Maryland, if we hit the roads first thing we could be there by afternoon." There was no point in using 'we' Dean wasn't going on the hunts.

"I can have you there. I believe you would enjoy this place." Castiel sounds as if he is about to fall asleep and it surprises Dean because he had thought that the angel wouldn't need sleep.

"No hints?" Dean nudges him a little, a grin on his face.

"It will be a surprise." He can hear Castiel's answering grin. When Dean drifts back to sleep it is with ease and his dreams are filled with his mother's laughter and Castiel's smile.

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A million and a half thank yous to everyone that is reading and enjoying this story! Thank you.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning when Dean woke up Castiel was sitting watching Dean, "Dude thats creepy." He sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"What?" Castiel stood and joined Dean on the bed.

Dean leaned into Castiel's warmth enjoying the moment of quiet. "You're watching me sleep."

Castiel brushed a hand along Dean's jaw. "You were at peace. I could not help but watch you." Dean's face tingled where Cas touched him. "Your brother has already left. He was relucant to leave you alone but I assured him that I would not be leaving your side." A look clouded his eyes, "I don't think it reassured him much. Since the la---"

"Doesn't matter." Dean cut Castiel off with bump of his shoulder. "So you going to tell me about this surprise or what?"

A smile played at Castiel's lips, "I don't want to ruin it." Dean couldn't help the answering smile.

"Fine." Dean stood up and headed for the bathroom, as much to relieve himself as to have a moment away from the angel. He can still remember the smiling Castiel of his dreams and seeing it in waking life is just as overwhelming.

When Dean comes back out Castiel is standing in the middle of the room, "Are you ready?" He asks and the smile on his face gives Dean pause.

"Uh," Dean stops short. "How are we getting where ever we're going?"

Castiel's smile spread a little wider. "Come here." He held his arms out a bit and Dean didn't hesitate to step into the embrace. "Like this," Castiel breathed into his ear and before Dean knew it they were in a clearing surrounded by trees.

"Where are we?" Dean stepped back almost losing his footing, even though it had been instantaneous he still felt wobbly on his feet. "How did we get here, did we just blink here?"

Castiel laughed and all of Dean's questions left his mind; he had never heard the angel laugh before. "Blink? Is that what you call it?"

"Well yeah," Dean could hear his voice getting defensive. Even the beautiful laughter could set him on edge. "It's what you do 'gone in the blink of an eye.'" Castiel stepped forward and wrapped Dean in his arms.

"We are some where in northern America, I'm not sure where. I only wanted somewhere we could be safe and alone." Castiel ran his hands up and down Dean's back. "I want to show you something." He turned his head and his lips almost brushed over Dean's neck and Dean could feel himself shifting slightly trying to bring them in actual contact.

"Okay," Dean doesn't want to break the spell that feels like it has decended over them.

Castiel sighed his warm breathe hitting Dean's neck. "Please do not laugh." There was a edge to Castiel's voice, he was nervous.

Dean was confused but he reassured him, "I wouldn't do that." He said softly an overwhelming need to brush his lips over Castiel's almost had him grabbing the angel's face and pulling it to his.

A short laugh escaped, "I know... I just feel so..." Castiel stepped back. "I told you that you could see them." A giddy feeling started in Dean's stomach and he knew that there was a grin on his face.

"Really," He took a step towards Castiel as he took a step back. "Come on Cas, please." It's a strange word to come out of his mouth but this is something he has wanted desperately and he can't explain why.

Something snaps inside Castiel and all the doubt that his face had been holding lets go and he smiles. "They are quite large that is why we had to come here."

"They don't seem that big in the motel room." Dean wants to smack himself for even saying anything after how obviously nervous the angel is about doing this.

Castiel laughs though so Dean doesn't think he ruined the moment, "I want to show you them in all of their glory." Even Dean can't help but laugh at how it sounds. Castiel closed his eyes and Dean thinks it's more to still his nerves than it is necessary. There is the fimilar sound of the wings before there is actually anything to look at but once they were spread across the clearing Dean is knocked speachless. Dean had seen their shadow and he knew that wings were massive but this was different. The wings were speard across the clearing and the sun caught every colour that was woven into the feathers. That was the most amazing part was that they weren't just white; they were white, gold, blue, pink, green so many different colours practically shimmering with the way the light caught them.

"Wow," Dean stepped foward and Castiel did not step away this time. "Their so beautiful." His hand came out and he ran his fingers along the silk-soft feathers.

The responding shy smile was all Dean could ask for. "Thank you," Castiel breathed.

A laugh bubbled out and for a moment Castiel's face fell, "No! It's just that their so colourful. I was just expecting plain white feathers, y'know?"

"A large misconception." Castiel's eyes were still a bit guarded.

"Damn it Cas I'm not laughing at you." Dean stepped right into his personal space, but between them there hardly ever was personal space. "Thank you for sharing this with---" Dean was cut off by his cell phone ringing. "Damn it," He flipped the phone open. "What?" Dean snapped out, "I'm fine... I'm with Cas... No not any time soon. Leave us alone." Dean hung up the phone and threw it to the ground a few feet away.

"That was quite rude Dean." Castiel said but his eyes were laughing with amusement. "Sam is only worried about you."

"I can take care of myself." Dean bit out, "I'm not some damn weakling! You got it?" Dean didn't know where all the anger was coming from suddenly. "I don't need any of you looking over my shoulder everyday. I don't need you hiding me from demons and angels. I don't need Sammy thinking that he has to embrace those demon-things about him just to protect me." Dean's chest was heaving and he could feel the tears threatening to fall. What was worse was that Castiel had not provoked this harsh treatment from him.

Castiel stepped forward and the wings were suddenly gone. He grabbed Dean's shoulder and pulled him to his chest. "We do these things because we love you." Castiel couldn't have known how the words would affect Dean.

"You l-love me?" Dean can't stand how his voice sounds; lost and confused. "Why?" It's the stupidest thing Dean thinks he could have said.

It's like electric the first time Castiel's lips brushed across Dean's forehead, a jolt ran down his body and shook him to the core. "Dean you are a strong man, a brave man. Your heart is full of love, even if you don't think so. Even though you can't find it, the faith in you is overwhelming. I don't know how anyone couldn't love you."

"But you love me..." Dean doesn't think he is much of any of those things anymore. He isn't strong or brave, he doesn't think he can ever love anyone again, and he wouldn't even acknowledge the comment on faith.

"I have loved you since the first time I held your soul." Castiel has never touched the mark on Dean's shoulder even if the man had caught him looking at it in chance that he saw Dean shirtless, but he fitted his hand over it now.

Dean pushed himself closer to Castiel, "Damn it Cas."

"I am.. sorry. I shouldn't have---" Dean crushed his lips to Castiel's silencing him.

When Dean pulled away he backed up a few steps trying to put distance between him and the angel. "I didn't mean to do that..."

"It's okay," Castiel took a step towards Dean but Dean backed away farther. "It is.."

"No!" Dean turned away not being able to look Cas in the eyes. "If something happens---"

"Uriel killed our brethren and nothing happen to him." Anger boils in Castiel's voice and it makes Dean flinch; when Castiel's arms wrapped around Dean he didn't try to pull away. "If it because you don't return these feelings the same as I do then I will understand. But if it is because you fear for me... Then please do not push me away."

Dean knows that he should use this as his way out. That in the end this will not end good because things that Dean really wants, like being with Castiel, never end good. He doesn't, instead he turns in Castiel's embrace and wraps his own arms around him. "Cas... this is such a bad idea." He buried his head in Castiel's neck.

"Dean I don't know the words to assure that nothing bad will happen, I'm not even sure I should promise you something like that." Castiel tried to soothe Dean but the words fell short.

"If something happens to you I wont be able to do this." Dean had never wanted to rely on someone; he did not want to start now, but he was afraid that he was already in too deep with Cas. The angel didn't say anything but held Dean closer. "Castiel say something."

"I love you," He whispered in his ear.

Dean sobbed out a laugh, "Yeah."

"Yes," Castiel pulled back far enough to see Dean's face. "This is not how I saw today going. I have to go meet some of my siblings."

"Okay," Dean finally pulled away from Castiel and went to retrieve his phone. "You think you didn't see this coming? How the hell do you think I feel?"

Castiel was right beside Dean when he straighten, "Very confused, like I feel. I wish that I could----"

"Don't say that." Dean said softly.

"I will not be long." Castiel says instead of continuing the conversation.

"Yeah," Dean wants to brush it off and make it not such a big deal, but his insides are turning at the thought that Castiel was going to talk to angels who could or could not be working to free Lucifer.

"I will be safe Dean." Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean and when he opened his eyes they were in a crap motel room. "Sam will be back very soon." Castiel kissed his cheek and was gone.

"Cas!" He couldn't believe that the angel had just blinked out without another word.

The angel hadn't been wrong only minutes later Sam came through the door with Ruby. "Hey man, where did you and Cas go?" Dean looked up at them, "Dude? What the hell is wrong with you?"

Dean wasn't sure what sort of face he had but he could feel the grin breaking across his face, "Sammy I am so going to Hell."

* * *

I know this chapter was a bit sappy (like cavity sweet) and Dean felt a little ooc to me but I'm think after this I'm hoping Dean will get back to badass-Dean. Hoping being the operative word because the muse for this is like a piece of godiva chocolate.

I'm happy that I was able to move along the slash though, hehe


	7. Chapter 7

Another day, another chapter. This chapter is set up differently then the previous six I went back and forth between Dean and Castiel's POV. I really like writing Castiel, he's fun. And a little tortured.

Enjoy!

* * *

Castiel paced impatiently waiting on his sister, there was the almost silent flutter. "Castiel you should be more patient." A smirk played at her lips. "And more careful."

"Beriah I don't have time." Castiel snapped. "What is that you wanted." He has never acted this way before, to any of his siblings. His.. desire to get back to Dean was stronger than he could have ever imagined.

"To warn you." Beriah said seriously, "Orders have come down. Castiel and his charge are..." She trailed off a thoughtful look on her face. "Not to be trusted. I'd be careful if I was you there is talk of Michael or Gabreil coming down. The superiors are not pleased with your work with Anna." Castiel went to speak but Beriah waved him silent. "I know, everyone knows, but it doesn't change the fact that she fell."

Castiel broke in the moment Beriah stopped talking, "Is it not proof enough that something is wrong that our superiors would not want the traitors found?"

Beriah clicked her tongue, "They said you were changing, but this..." Her nose wrinkled. "You would have been better off if Alistair had sent you back to Heaven. You're embracing your meat-bags..." She shook herself, clearly disgusted and disturbed by Castiel's actions.

"Then why do you warn me if you hold me so high in contempt?" Castiel was off balance, his emotions were too scattered and he could hardly hold on to them. While Beriah was as calm and collected as any of their brethren would be.

Beriah sighed, "Castiel you are my brother and even if you stray from your path you will still be my brother."

"I have not strayed. My faith is strong and the more time I spend with Dean the stronger his grows to. We cannot fight this war without him, Beriah." Castiel was not used to this feeling, his chest swells and he feels elevated at the thought that he was fixing his Dean.

"That _emotion_," She nearly spit the word out. "You feel is Pride." Castiel is too thrown by the fact that Beriah recongized and named the emotion that had been growing in him for some time. "The longer you feel it Castiel, the closer you come to Falling." She stepped closer her body almost menacing. "You walk a dangerous path Brother. I do hope you come to your senses soon." Beriah was gone.

"I am very much with my senses now," He whispered to the empty space.

* * *

Dean hadn't felt like this in a long time, alive. He fell on the bed that didn't have Sam's stuff on it and sighed contently. He had forgotten that Sam and the demon were still in the room watching him with wary eyes. He didn't feel the normal tension and _run, run, run_ that he usually did when someone declared their love to him; the opposite actually because he was quite certain that Cas hadn't been lying. His angel had no reasons to lie, not about something like that. Now every little touch made sense to him, because even if Castiel hadn't known yet, it was felt in each one. With clarity he realized that the same went for him, that he loved Castiel too. It was obvious in ever touch, embrace. Dean had never been so comfortable with anyone before. He didn't but he knew that if he wanted to he could confide in the angel about anything. And suddenly he wanted to do just that. There was so many doubts and fears that Dean had kept close, too afraid to share them; fear that someone would use them against him. Castiel wouldn't do that though.

"Dean!" Sam's voice cut through his thoughts and by the slight edge to his voice Dean had to bet high that Sam had been calling his name for a while. "You can't just come in here and say shit like that. What the hell man."

"It's the angel." Ruby was right behind Sam's elbow smirking knowingly. "You reek of him, what were you two doing _frolicking_ or something."

Sam catches on to her tone quickly, "Christ Dean don't tell me..."

Dean threw an arm over his face, but the grin was still visible. "Nothing happened."

"_Dean_," Sam's voice is tight and for the first time he realizes that Sammy is scared. "What the hell is going on?"

"It's nothing Sammy," Dean sat up. "Look we had a talk, cleared up a few things. That's it."

"That's it?" Ruby smirks, "Seriously when I said you reek of him I can smell his saliva on you."

"First off, ew." Dean shakes away the disturbing image of Ruby watching as Castiel licked him. "Second off, it's not like _that_." He said to Sam who was looking a bit ashen. "Seriously it's... innocent."

"Dean have you ever read the bible?" Sam looks so completely serious, his face a hard mask of barely controlled fury.

Dean decided to knock Sammy down a bit, "Yeah I have." It has the desired effect, Sam wasn't expecting an affirmative. "And I know all about it saying not laying with a man and crap. But you see? Angels are like sexless." Dean barely makes sense to himself, he doesn't see why he needs to defend any of this to Sam. Whats happening between Dean and Cas is the best thing to happen since he got out of Hell. In his eyes that meant it was the right thing.

"That is not a loophole. The whole point is he is an angel and if he falls what then?" All the protesting is a far cry from the Sam that had said he didn't care what Dean did with Cas.

"Like Uriel?" Dean doesn't want to be having this conversation any longer. This was so new, so new that even Castiel and Dean had yet to have a proper talk about it. Knowing Dean a proper talk would end in 'this aint some chick-flick,' but that is besides the point. The point was that Dean was starting to feel human again and wasn't going to have his jerk brother and the demon-bitch suck it away from him because suddenly _they_ had morals. "Screw you Sam," Dean stood up and pushed pass them. "I'm going out." He ignored Sam's protests and snatched the keys to his baby.

Sliding behind the wheel Dean was acutely aware that this was the first time he had driven his car in months. It had been months since he felt alive enough not to wreck her into something, months since he had even thought about driving her. He brought her to life and peeled out of the parking lot; he didn't have any where in mind and he knew that Castiel would find him where ever he went.

* * *

When Castiel entered the hotel room he became quickly aware of two things; one was that Dean was not here and two that the demon was. Both made his blood run faster. Having his back suddenly to a wall and Sam Winchester staring into his eyes with fire in his own was quite unexpected.

"Have you lost your mind?" The younger Winchester growled. "Dean would fall apart if something happen to you." Since that night Castiel has grown a small appreciation for the boy, and an even larger fear. Angels couldn't kill demons, Sam could; could Sam Winchester kill angels?

"Where is Dean?" Castiel could easily disappear and find his charge in moments but something in his... gut tells him that he is better off staying and diminishing Sam's anger.

"He went for a ride." The demon answers, a smirk playing at her lips. Castiel thinks he knows what has happen since his departure.

Castiel doesn't take his eys from Sam's, "This..." Castiel doesn't know what to say, "What is happening between us is not dangerous."

"How do you know that?" Sam backed away from Castiel allowing him to step away from the wall.

He can't answer truthly because he does not know for sure. "I don't know... I just do." Castiel tries to think of something that will help Sam set aside his fears. Instead he decides to just remove himself from the awkward, an annoying feeling that Dean introduced him to, moment. "I must find Dean. I will make sure he comes back to you safe."

"Yeah, I've heard that before Cas." Sam spit out but Castiel was already on his way.

It took him only seconds to find his charge, "Dean."

"Cas, shit I'm driving here man." Dean jumped in his seat but there was a fimilar grin pulling at the corners of his mouth. It was an expression the young man had worn before, often. Dean was happy. His hand reached across the bench seat and grabbed Castiel's. "How did it go?" Castiel does not want to tell Dean what Beriah had told him, but he had made a promise to himself after Alistair not to lie to Dean ever again. "That bad, huh?" He would have been surprised that Dean was able to tell but Castiel was sure that his face revealed all.

"My sister Beriah told me there has been new orders sent down. That we are not to be trusted." Castiel squeezed Dean's hand, "I think it would be best if I stay away from the garrison for some time." It didn't bother Castiel that he would be away from his siblings; his trust in them was slowly getting farther and farther away. "Things did not go well with Sam." Neither of them sure if it is a statement or question.

"_Ruby_," Dean could barely push the name through his clenched teeth, "Let the cat out of the bag and Sammy, of course, jumped to conclusions and didn't want to hear anything from me." Castiel waits for Dean to continue because he knows that his charge has more to say. "I guess I didn't help by saying I was going to hell with a grin on my face." His hand clenched tightly around Dean's. "He thinks you're going to Fall and I'm going to go nuts. He reminded me what the bible says about mano y mano."

Castiel hasn't seen Dean like this in a very long time, not since before he sent him back to the past and the young man learned the turth about his families history. He is relaxed, even though their subject is serious, the grin on his face is real. The angel will do anything to keep this peace with Dean. "Dean..." He doesn't want to ask why he has had this sudden change in case it causes Dean to remember _why _he'd been in a catatonic state for almost a month. "I have not seen you like this... in some time." He says finally after Dean gave him a look to finish his thought.

Dean's face brook into a huge grin, "Well I'm happy, I feel human again Cas and I found a hunt not far from here and I'm going to kill something. So yeah I feel good."

"It may not be such a great idea..." Castiel trailed off not liking the idea that Dean would be fighting without the help of his brother.

"I've got you at my back, what more do I need?" Dean did something then that surprised both of them. He picked up their linked hands and kissed the back of Castiel's softly. Dean looked away a pink tent coming to his cheeks. "Damn it Cas your turning me into a girl." Dean was grinning though so Castiel knew that it was more joking than anything else.

Castiel slide across the bench seat to press his side against Dean's, "I dont mind."

Dean muttered, "You wouldn't would you." The absolute bliss still clear in his voice. "Cas... Is Sam right? Are you going to Fall?"

"I have not yet." Castiel had been thinking the same things. His mind had run over and over why he was still here with his grace intact; Castiel had disobeyed orders, ignored his superiors and now he was falling in love with a human. "Maybe we must choose to Fall, maybe it isn't something that can just happen." Anna had choosen, Lucifer too. Castiel did not want to so maybe he would not.

"I guess they were right about one thing; God does work in mysterious ways." Dean said, it snapped Castiel out of his musing; he was annoyed to realize once again he allowed his thoughts to runaway from him.

Castiel had heard this human saying before and for the angel it had never seemed true. His Father had never been mysterious to him but now he was being to wonder if maybe He did work in ways that even angels were not supposed to begin to understand. "Maybe you're right Dean. Maybe even angels are not supposed to understand how God's mind works."

"So you wanna hear about what I found?" Dean's sudden change of topic is welcomed by the angel.

"Please," Castiel moved a fraction away so he could watch Dean as he explained the hunt he had found. Dean's face was animated and beautiful as he began explaining the brutal deaths that had been occuring in the forest of a national park only forty miles away.

"I'm thinking a troll or something... Something big that'll have to be shot a lot before it goes down. ME reports say that the victims were blugeoned to death by something with a lot of strength behind it." Dean was grinning ear to ear. "It's going to rock." If Castiel had known that all would take was a hunt to have Dean animated and alive again he would have taken him to a coven of vampires or something as equally challenging to kill; he hadn't thought that it was what Dean needed. "So what do you think?" Dean squeezed Castiel's hand getting his attention.

"Whatever you need Dean." Castiel smiled, "I am here for you." It was Castiel this time who kissed Dean's hand. He decided then, with Dean grinning, that whatever happened it would be well worth it knowing he had had a hand in healing Dean.

* * *

I don't know what is about the angels in SPN but they bring out the hate in me. That and it's a lot easier to write them like the meat-bag haters that they appear to be. And it's really hard thinking of names so I went old school biblical. I have decided that for however many angels I do add to this.. and demons too. I will be going in ABC order. So Anna, Beriah, Castiel.... who knows. hehe.

I meant to put this in the last chapter but I forgot... that's what I get for 4 am but the wings... I had a very hard time deciding on what to do with those, one reason they took so long to come out. Because essentially this started out as a wing!fic but then.. well y'know it snow-balled on me. But I wanted something different.. so I hope they came out alright.

I hope the switching POV worked out.

Until next time...


	8. Chapter 8

Dean was vibrating with pent up enegry as he sorted through the weapons in the trunk. He was a bit pissed when he saw that Sam had taken it upon himself to rearrange how the weapons were organized. Finally he found his favourite shot gun and handed it to Castiel to put in the bag they would be using to conceal the weapons they were taking with them. He knew that he was being rash, no research, no prep but he was desperate to hunt and with Castiel at his side he felt like there wasn't anything that he couldn't handle. Castiel at his side, he really liked how the sounded even in his head.

"I don't think we'll need all of this Dean." Castiel was smiling as Dean handed him yet another gun.

"Trust me Cas, we're going to need it all." Dean was going in blind but not unprepared. "At this point I'll shoot the damn trees."

"That doesn't seem wise," Castiel tilted his head to the side and Dean could almost see the angel trying to work out what would happen.

Dean laughed and clapped his hand on Castiel's shoulder that turned into a semi-massage as he found it hard to take his hand away. "You're too serious sometimes, y'know that?" Dean shut the trunk and spread a map of the forest over it. "Okay," He ran his finger along a river. "This is where the first murder happen." He moved down stream. "Then the next two happen here and another on the west side of the river." He stabbed his finger at a mountain ridge. "Nasty is probably holed up here somewhere." Dean looked at Castiel, "Can you get us around here?" He motioned a few miles away from the mountains and nearer where the last attack occured.

"Of course," Castiel said easily.

"Which gun do you want to use?" Dean locked the Impala. When Dean looked back at Castiel he had a confused look on his face. "What?"

"I don't know how to shoot a gun... I've never used a weapon before." Castiel shifted and it took Dean a minute to recongize that Cas was embarassed.

Dean stepped close. A thrill ran through him when he realized that now when he was near Castiel like this they both knew that it meant so much more to both of them. "That's cool, aint hard." Dean looked around they were in a dirt parking lot off the side of the road in the national park, "You get us somewhere more private and I'll show you what to do."

Castiel nodded slowly, "Will it not draw attention to any one in the forest if gunshots sound? It is illegal to hunt in the park." Dean knew that, he had seen the same signs as the angel.

"Like I said," Dean pressed himself against Castiel, their touching hadn't changed it wasn't sexually charged or leading to something more. It still felt just as warm, just as much like coming home as it had that first time Castiel had sat behind him and wrapped him in his arms. Now though Dean knew that the feeling of love that he felt when Cas was near wasn't just in his head, but actual love. "You're too serious. C'mon.." Suddenly they were in the woods.

"There is no one around for several dozen miles."

"Awesome, let's do this." Dean felt like it was his first hunt all over, except without the feeling of being sick. His first hunt with John had been a lady in white, his father had explained in such painsaking detail about how important it was to always know when you were up against that particular ghost. At the time Dean had just wanted to kill _some_thing, anything. After what had felt like _years_ of waiting but really it had only been two or three; he's pretty sure he was six or seven that first time. There had been butterflies in his stomach and when the ghost had appeared Dean almost lost his dinner he'd been so excited and scared all at once.

"I still think this is a bad idea. You're not even sure what we're going after." Castiel folded his arms over his chest and gave Dean a disproving look.

Dean rolled his eyes, "Dude you go up against freakin' demons all the time. Whatever this is we can totally handle it. Now," Dean took the bag, "Pick a weapon." Dean was surprised by Castiel's choice of a blade that he didn't even remember handing to the angel. "Are you sure? You'll have to get close to it, what if I hit you?"

It was Castiels turn to roll his eyes and Dean laughed at the gesture, it was so human. "I can take a beating Dean."

Dean's brow wrinkled, "Doesn't mean I want you to."

"And I trust your shot. You would not hit me." Castiel's fingers brushed along Dean's cheek. Dean had to grin at that, it wasn't like it had been _that_ long since he had fired a gun.

"Okay, okay no more stalling." Dean pulled the map from his pocket. "What do you say? We're about here," Dean pointed to the spot he had told Castiel to get them to.

"Here," Castiel pointed to a precise spot. "North is that direction." He pointed out into the forest.

Dean grinned, "Cas I know which way north is."

The sheepish grin on Castiel's face was new and Dean wanted to kiss him, but he was wary. After that intial kiss Dean was afraid to press their luck any farther. He was completely content with only being close to Castiel if it meant always having him around.

Apparently Castiel had other thoughts. He grabbed Dean by the chin and held him in place while he softly pressed his lips to Dean's. It was so different than their first kiss; softer and this time Dean _tasted_ Castiel. Dean wished he could discern what was Castiel and what was the vessal. As it was Cas tasted like spice and lighting, when his tongue pushed against Dean's he would have sworn there was an actually crackle. On their own accord Dean's arms wrapped around Castiel and dragged him as close as possible. Panting, Dean was finally able to pull himself away or risk passing out from oxygen deprivation, "Cas." Was the only coherent word he could push from between his lips and with another shuddering breath he locked his mouth over Castiel's again.

It was Castiel that pulled away this time, his own breath coming in short gasps, "That... is.." On normal occasions Dean finds it humourous when Castiel is at a loss for words but this time it only makes him want to kiss him breathless all over again. "I am..." Castiel rested his forehead against Dean's his eyes closed and a smile playing over his kiss-swollen lips.

"At a loss for words?" Dean supplies, his hands running patterns over Castiel's back. The huff of laughter puffed over Dean's lips and he is leaning in again to capture them.

"No w..." Dean is instantly several feet away from Castiel as the word slips from his angel's mouth. Castiel looked confused and his arms reach for Dean. "Why are you..?"

Dean can feel the blush spreading along his cheeks and down his neck. Whatever Castiel had been about to say it was not anything close to what Dean had thought, and Dean wasn't even sure what he had thought. His mind had responded to the word so quickly as if---as if he had been waiting for it. "Sorry I--" Dean cuts himself off and takes the three shaky steps back that bring him into Castiel's embrace again. "I don't know... I thought you were going to... and I just--" Castiel pressed his lips to Dean's; it's closed-mouth and Dean knows that it's more to settle the rising fear more than anything else.

"I was going to say that we came here for a job." Castiel's hands slid up Dean's sides and came to rest on his shoulders holding Dean back as he tried to reach in for another kiss. "If we continue... I don't think I can..."

Dean gets it and it makes his heart soar and his ego swell. Castiel can't get enough of him. "Yeah, you're right and we're running out of daylight." Dean almost says that they don't want to get stuck in the woods in the dark, but that would be a bit difficult with an angel that can blink you any where they want.

"Yes we.. We should get going." Castiel finally pulled himself away from Dean and took a distancing step back. They don't say another word both afraid that they would just fall back into each other's arms and head off in the direction of the mountains.

* * *

Castiel's lips are still tingling from Dean's kisses or his kisses to Dean. It was chaotic and the angel can barely remember to keep up with Dean who is picking his way through the forest with learned ease. The young hunter had already picked up the trail of whatever had murder all those people; Castiel was not belittling the man's skills but it was a surprise someone hadn't found it. The massive creature left much descruction in its wake. Castiel had not seen this side of Dean before, the hunter. Since Dean's return he had only been half the man that he was and Castiel still wont forgive himself for that being his fault. This Dean though has a look of concentration on his face, and his eyes are always scanning watching for what was to come. Castiel can see the fire in his eyes, the need to stop this thing in each of his steps. He hopes that Dean realizes it too. He pushes that last of his musings away and concentrates on their surroundings, what good was he to Dean if he was too busy thinking about the man to be any help.

It takes his mind less than a minute to drift back to the taste of Dean; it had been like a piece of heaven and the absurdity of that is not lost on the angel, but that was how he thought of Dean's taste. Soft and strong, in control and out of control all at once. Skilled where Castiel had felt he fumbled. Dean's tongue sliding against his own, heat pouring between one mouth to the other. Castiel barely supresses his shuddering in take of breath; Dean's body pressed along his own, owning him. The rush of loss when Dean had jumped from their embrace, fear when he had seen Dean's fear, understanding as the blush ran down his face and Castiel recalled his own words. Sadness that Dean had almost seemed to expect the words to come from Castiel's mouth that would stop this burgeoning relationship. Castiel and his new emotions had almost been overloaded as he stood in the forest pressed against Dean.

"Cas!" Castiel's attention snapped to Dean who's face was a perfect imitation of annoyance. "What could you be possibly thinking about. I just called your name three times."

Without a word Castiel stepped up to Dean and locked lips with his; it was short and held little of the passion the kisses Castiel had been thinking about. "I was thinking about that."

"Oh... well, get your damn head in the game." Dean said gruffly his eyes soft and dark; it took Castiel a moment to realize that they were so dark because the pupils were wide with... want. "We're getting close I can practically smell the thing."

Confused Castiel took a deep breathe and was surprised that he had not caught the unpleasant odor; the smell of death was not new to Castiel. "There must be more victims than reported." A smell that strong could only be caused by multiple corspes.

"Thing must keep 'em for snacks." There is an audible click of Dean readying his weapon. "You ready for this Cas?"

Castiel had never hunted like this before, he has never faced something that wasn't a demon inhabiting the poor body of a human. "Yes," He isn't sure if he is but he will not let Dean down.

"Sure you don't want a gun?" Dean's voice is barely above a whisper.

"Would you like to be shot?" He quips and it doesn't feel like a time for joking but he knows that Dean hears more than the joke.

There is the sound of soft laughter escaping Dean's lips, "Not today."

"Then I will stick with my weapon of choice." This is so new and exciting for him, being on the battlefield with Dean. Castiel would have given his grace to have him on the actually feild with him, to know that it was Dean fighting back to back with him... It was a heady feeling.

"Hey," Dean snaps. "Head, game." And again Castiel focus' on what is happening in front of him. The awful smell is growing stronger and it is certain the only way this place was missed was because it is several dozen miles away from the nearest paths. As it is they had already traveled miles away from the last attack site. There is an opening in the rock face only a half dozen meters away. "Got a superpower in you that can tell if it's in there or not?"

"It is," Castiel can hear the things shallow, wet breathing.

Dean nods he drops to one knee and Castiel keeps his eyes trained on the cave opening. Silently he sorts through the bag and comes out with a flare. "We've got a better chance if we get it out in the open." There is not much open space; the woods are thick here, but he cannot disagree that it would be less dangerous and troublesome to have the beast out of the cave. Dean walked several paces toward the mouth of the cave, he striked the flare alive and gave it a good toss towards the cave. It landed inside and rolled a little farther.

"It is aware of us now," Castiel said as the creature stirred and lifted it massive body.

The beast that came out of the cave standing on it's hind legs but it could have easily stood on all four; it's body was covered in a dirty coarse fur. On it's 'hands' long claws hung low, blunt at their tips. From it's mouth crooked, jagged teeth gutted from the decaying gums. Castiel had never seen anything like it before, not on Earth or the Pits of Hell.

"Cas!" The thing moved before the angel could respond; it body mass belying it's size and it was upon Castiel. He raised the blade he had chose and cut at the monsters body. The sound that came from it echoed against the rockface, Castiel attacked again and Dean's shotgun sounded. The beast turned it's attention to the man and fear coarsed through his body when Dean stepped towards the thing and took another shot at it, hitting it in the face. It did not slow down. Castiel jump at it and cut a long gash in it's back. Durning the distraction Dean pulled another shot gun from the bag, one with actually bullets and shot it twice in it's abdominam before quickly reloading. The next two shots went in the things legs affectively bringing it to it's 'knees.'

"Dean," Another, smaller creature came out of the cave. It must have been farther back out of his range of hearing. "There is another!"

Dean turned his shots on it while Castiel cut the things thoart open. Six shots sounded and the small beast fell dead; the hunter wasted no time in returning his attention back to the larger dying creature. Dean stalked right up to the beast his eyes locked with it's pale yellow-green eyes, caked in black grim; he pressed the shot gun right against what could be considered its forehead and shot it dead.

"Any more in there?" Dean's manical grin brought a whole new round of butterflies to Castiel's stomach. Castiel took several cautious steps towards the cave straining his hearing as far as he could to make sure that there were no beasts.

"No," Castiel's shoulders dropped from the tense set they had taken on the moment the creature had come towards him. "There is no more..." Castiel felt his knees buckle under him and before he could hit the ground strong, solid arms wrapped around him from behind and pulled him into an equally strong chest.

"You okay?" Dean pulled until they were able to rest against the trunk of a tree.

Castiel shuddered, "I have never... Not in my entire existance seen something like that. It couldn't possibly be one of my Father's creations... I just don't understand." Castiel rested his head on Dean's shoulder.

"Well don't expect me to explain it to you." Dean ran his hands up and down Castiel's chest trying to offer the shaking angel some sort of comfort. "I've been asking myself the same questions my whole life." Castiel turned in Dean's arms and wrapped his own arms around him. Dean pressed his lips to Castiel's ear, "I love you, Cas." He breathed. The angel sighed he had been waiting, hoping to hear those words. "I can do this as long as you're here. I've... never felt so confident in a fight before."

"I'll will never leave you Dean." Castiel promised and both of them knew that it may not have been the complete truth. They were back with the Impala and Dean tighten his arms around Castiel.

"I'm not ever gonna get used to that." He brushed his lips along Castiel's jaw. "Sam is going to have a kid." It had indeed been hours since Castiel had been to the motel. "We need to get back."

"Yes," Castiel sighed as they pulled apart. "I told him I would bring you back to him."

Dean snorted, "Bitch doesn't think I can take care of myself? Wait until he sees me." Dean tossed the bag of weapons into the trunk. "I'm back Baby." Castiel grinned, yes Dean was back.

* * *

I'm proudest of this chapter so far, it really came out the way I wanted it to. I was going to make the monster a werewolf but then I thought about how Castiel would probably have something to say about killing something that was only a beast three days out of the month.. I don't know. So I just made up something disgusting; I really wanted the part at the end where Cas just doesn't know what to do, what to think.

Yay! badass!Dean is back. Oh finally, sigh, I'm excited. I'm trying to go for first season badass, I think that was when Dean was his strongest. Before John died and he found out about Sammy. And third season Dean was way to focused on going to hell.

Ohh side note I just realized I've been spelling Alastair wrong.. damn me. I've been spelling it Al_i_stair. What? Woops.

I just want to thank all the positive feedback I've recieved for this story


	9. Chapter 9

There was something happening; several of his brothers and sisters had been whispering in riddles and it was making Castiel nervous. New orders had come down and it would seem that they pertained to Castiel and Dean. "Dean, I believe something has changed." Lucifer was mentioned and the potenial of his vessel; he strained to understand what was being said.

They hadn't left the park yet, Dean had changed his mind once the weapons were in the trunk and had decided to reorganize it to the way he wanted it. "What do you mean?"

Before Castiel could answer there was the umistakable sound of wings. The vessel was a young girl wearing a formal gown and tiara, her blonde tressals were done in professional curls. She stood on the dirty parking lot with her head held high and a smile playing at her lips. "I was in a hurry I hope you'll excuse my formal wear." A smile flashed perfect white teeth. "Beautiful mud-monkey isn't it?" She twirled around, the gown twisting around the vessel's legs.

Castiel recongized him immediately, he moved between Dean and the new angel. The female vessel laughed loud and hearty it seemed out of place for the petite form. "Oh Castiel, you would protect the monkey."

"Gabriel," Castiel said carefully.

"Castiel." In one word, with just his name all of Gabriel's disappointment was clear. Then he looked around, "How do you stand to be here?" The woman turned slowly. "It's so... cold, so dark. I've only been in this suit for less than an hour and already I..." Gabriel trailed off, dark brown eyes turned to Dean. Castiel can feel every nerve in his body standing on end. "The saviour... It really is a pleasure to meet you Dean Winchester. I am so sorry it is on these terms."

"What terms?" Castiel pushed Dean farther behind him making himself a sheild for his charge.

Gabriel ran a finger along the trunk of the Impala, "I've come to make you a deal Castiel. Deliver Samuel Winchester to us and we will allow you to remain here, unscathed, with your human. For as long as he lives."

Castiel stiffened, "And if I don't?"

"Heaven has missed you Castiel."

Dean tried to push his way pass Castiel, "He hasn't done anything wrong." Castiel had to use his strength to keep him back. "You can't take Cas away."

For a moment Gabriel's eyes flashed and Castiel recongized the emotion; sadness. "I'm surprised Dean Winchester," It's gone and the calm mask was back in place. "We have always thought your brother was your only concern. You ignored your father when he warned you that you would either have to save him or kill him. You did neither and now you would gladly give him up to keep your angel... Interesting." Gabriel moved around the Impala running his hand along the roof. "A conundrum." The calm eyes watched Castiel, he knew that he could not hide anything from his superior. "Stop hiding Samuel Winchester from us and you will not be punished for your disobedience."

Castiel's eyes clouded in confusion, "I am not hiding Sam. I have only been hiding Dean." The honesty in his voice gave the other angel pause.

"You are not?" Gabriel stopped his hand still on the Impala. "He is much stronger than we suspected." This was said more to himself.

"You can't think that Sam would become the vessel!" As Dean shouts Castiel begins to doubt his decisons for the first time; he can't help but wonder if he could have prevented this if he had just continued _to follow orders_. He would have known this was coming and would have had the time to warn the brothers. Castiel's grip tighten on Dean, he had made a move towards Gabriel.

"We are collecting all of Azazel's children, any of them could be potenial vessels." Gabriel said simply.

Dean's entire body went still, "You asshole! Sammy's doing more to stop Lilth then most." Castiel kept his grip firm on Dean's arm afraid that his charge would try to attack the angel.

Gabriel laughed again, the one that seemed out of place with the vessal. "Dean your brother can kill as many demons as he wants but it doesn't change the fact that Lucifer will need a vessel that can withstand his power. The fact that Samuel can hide from us is enough proof of his power."

"But Sam is good." Castiel defended the younger Winchester. "He will be able kill Lilth and try to kill Lucifer too." Castiel remembers that night so clearly it takes him a moment to remove himself from the memory.

The snort was out of place coming from the young beauty, "Castiel have you lost your mind? Kill Lucifer?" Gabriel trailed off laughing. "Is that what you think Dean?" Castiel looked at Dean and was surprised to see the fear there.

"I don't want Sam to use his.. powers." Dean moved to Castiel's side, his charge was calm for the moment. His hand seeking his and the angel did not hesitate, not ashamed in front of Gabriel. The angel only looked at the linked hands, something of a smile playing at the vessel's lips.

Gabriel sighed, "Just tell us where Sam is. We do not wish to harm him, we just want to make sure he cannot be used by the demons." Castiel wants to trust him, wants that more than anything.

"What about the angels Uriel converted? What are you doing about that?" Castiel needs to know where the superiors stand; are they going to allow his blaphemous brethren to thrive or were they going to stop them.

"Raguel is taking care of them, you know this." Gabriel looked skyward for a moment. "Bothersome as she is I do miss her. She has a soft spot for you."

"Who...?" Dean looks Castiel.

"Anna is--was one of my superiors before her Fall she was known as Raguel, she is responsible for bringing other angels to justice." Castiel watched the play of emotions on Dean's face; he wishes for a moment that he could read his mind. He was desperate to know what Dean was thinking.

Gabriel cleared his thoart, "Let's not forget the pressing matter of right now." Gabriel is slowly losing his patience. The nearly light-hearted air that he had been projecting is ebbing away and being replaced with annoyance.

"Allow us the chance to explain to Sam." Castiel said carefully, he silences Dean's protests with a squeeze of his hand. "He is a good and reasonable man Gabriel."

Gabriel watched Castiel for a moment before, _"You ask a lot Castiel, your actions leave us wondering about your loyality. What wouldn't you do for this human?" _Gabriel keeps this conversation private. _"Your faith though, well _it_ is something to be admired."_ Gabriel's eyes focused on Dean. _"You have until morning."_ Gabriel was gone.

"So..?" Dean looks scared and angry.

"We must speak to your brother immediately." Castiel wasted no time in getting Dean and himself into the Impala.

* * *

Dean could barely think about watching the road, his mind kept going back to the angel in the stolen Prom Queen body. Unlike most of the angels Dean had met Gabriel had not had that barely contained contempt for humanity. He had still called humans by the insulting names, though. He had been some what different; he had smiled, not smirked and at one point he had looked almost regretful of what he asked.

"I don't get you guys." Castiel was tense beside him, his entire body reflecting the encounter with Gabriel. "Do all angels hate humans?"

"Angels are incapable of hate." Castiel doesn't even look at him, his face turn to the window. It also sounded like Castiel didn't completely believe that statement either.

"Bullshit Cas, look at me." Dean grabbed for Castiel's arm and it was like a slap to the face when the angel flinched away. "Uriel, Ezekiel, Gabriel. None of them were or have been all keen on humans. Mud-monkey, meatbag. Any of those ring a bell?" Dean knows that he is taking his frustration out on Castiel, that Cas has never said or done anything of the sort and he shouldn't have to answer for his hateful siblings. "And what the hell do we need to talk to Sam about, huh? You're going to hand him over to that guy aren't you?"

Castiel's leg starts to bounce lightly his nervousness starting to manifest and Dean doesn't know what to do or say. "Angels have always felt like second best to humans. Some didn't understand Father's need to make another being, another child..." Castiel trailed off and his hand moved to take Dean's; he almost pulled away and didn't let Castiel take his hand, but he craved the angels touch too much.

"Lucifer mainly." Dean supplies after Castiel was silent for a long time.

"Yes," Castiel sighed. "Gabriel has given us until morning."

Dean huffed, "Sam isn't going to go along with this.. You know that right?" Dean was watching Castiel more than he was watching the road but he needed to see Castiel's face or the angel could hide what he was actually thinking.

Castiel looked afraid for a moment. "The thought has crossed my mind that he would refuse."

"And?" Dean prompted.

"Your brother's powers are strong---"

"You wouldn't hurt him!?" Dean ripped his hand from Castiel's and swerved the car to the side of the road, no longer able to concentrate on driving. His hands grip the steering wheel.

"I would not hurt Sam." Castiel looked at Dean and he sees the truth there and something else. "I don't know if I could."

Dean's never asked about that night and what happen between Castiel, Sammy and Alastair. Part him didn't want to know, not at first when he didn't even want to live, but now he has to asked. "What happen?"

The distance between them has never felt so large. Dean pressed against his side of the car and Castiel looking as if he might actually try to crawl out of the Impala; it's the first time in a long time that Dean's afraid Castiel is going to blink out on him without a word. "Sam tortured Alastair for the information we were looking for. Alastair taunted him, told him to send him back to Hell." It was abbrevated but Dean could fill in the blanks. "Sam said he was stronger now... He's been practicing and hiding from the garrison apparently." He had to drag ever sentence out of his mouth, force every word off his tongue. Castiel hadn't wanted Dean to know what Sam had been capable of. "He burned Alastair soul, killed him." Castiel hung his head, "I-- I fear that your brother could kill me, too."

It's not far from what Dean had assumed had happen. "Sam wouldn't hurt you." Dean's so certain and he hopes that Castiel will know that it is the truth.

"We don't know how he does what he did. He is by the far the strongest of Azazel's childr---"

"Don't call him that!"

"What else would you call him?"

Dean hates how calm Castiel sounds talking about Sammy like he's just some demon-spawn, but a look at his angel tells him that it's not that he is calm. It's that he doesn't know how else to react. "Not a demon." Dean said quietly. "What could cause his powers to strengthen like that?" He needs to change the subject and it isn't exactly any better but he'll take anything at the moment.

"We should ask him ourselves." Castiel moved closer to Dean, "We should show trust in Sam."

"You're not telling me something." Dean's hands tighten on the steering wheel, that he had been unable to let go of. His hands had itched to hit Castiel as he called Sam Azazel's child. "Don't lie to me Castiel."

Castiel slowly made his way next to Dean his eyes never leaving the man's face. "Dean we need to talk to Sam."

"Damn it Cas! What aren't you telling me!?" Dean's hands slammed down on the steering wheel and he was thankful for a moment at the stinge of pain, a distraction to how much he wanted to hurt Castiel.

"We need to talk to Sam," Castiel covered Dean's hands with his own and the small distraction went away. Dean threw the Impala into drive and peeled away from the shoulder spitting gravel and dirt.

"You'll tell me when we get there." Dean didn't leave room for arguement.

Castiel sighed, "You wouldn't believe me if I said that I do not know?" Dean looked at the angel before focusing back on the road.

"You really don't know?"

"I am unsure. I would rather speak to Sam and have him tell us himself." Castiel deflected.

Dean growled, "Damn it stop advoiding the question." Castiel's hand shot out and took Dean's before the man could decide to pull away. "Okay," Dean could feel now that whatever it was Castiel was thinking that he wanted to be wrong. "I get it, we'll talk to Sam." Castiel sighed with relief and let his head fall to Dean's shoulder. Dean wasn't sure what good talking to Sam would do; any way they cut it the angels were taking his brother and he was going to have to do this without him.

* * *

I'm a little nervous about this chapter, I'm trying to move along to the plotty plot of this and it actually was a little harder than I thought. The first 8 chpaters of this practically wrote themselves and now it would seem I'm coming up short trying to get to where I want to go. Feedback on what you think about this one would be soo appreciated.

I'm trying to rework the summary to this since it still had its one-shot summary. Any ideas? Or is the new one good to go?


	10. Chapter 10

Sam was alone when Dean entered the motel room; Castiel had made excuses that he needed to speak with some of his siblings in hopes of finding an angel that they could trust to keep Sam safe while they finished this. They both had agreed that they wouldn't trust just any angel that Gabriel sent; that it would have to be one that they _knew_ hadn't been corrupted by Uriel.

"We gotta talk," Dean sat on the opposite bed and folded his hands together; praying was really new to him, but it put a little calm in him the few times he had tried it out. He really needed to stay calm durning this conversation. "Cas and I had a visitor while hunting---"

"You went hunting?" Sam cut in before Dean could say anything else. Dean sighed, exasperated.

"Dude, not the point." Dean needs to say what he has to say, he has to get Sam to see how much crap they were in. "His name was Gabriel and he was in a girly body. It was actually a little weird." Dean hadn't tried to put too much thought into the fact that a male-like angel had taken the vessel of a woman; it was strange.

"God's messenger?" Sam's mouth was hanging open a bit. "Seriously?"

"Who?" Dean hadn't put much thought into _who_ the angel was. He didn't put much thought into any of the angels; to him they were mostly holier-than-thou douches.

"Gabriel is one of the archangels, Dean. He's---" Dean cut his brother off.

"Seriously I don't want an education of the heirarchy of angels." Dean took a deep breath, "Look I gotta talk to you about something really important and it might get a bit chick-flicky and I don't want you to hold it against me."

"We're not goin' talk about Cas and you, right? Because I know I gave you a har---" Sam's face was looking a bit pinched and Dean was more than happy to cut him off.

"No. I don't want to talk about Cas with you. Goddamn it, I mean, damn it." Dean stood up and stalked around the room for a few moments trying to get his thoughts straight. He missed when he didn't take pause to the fact that he used the Lord's name in vain. "Their collecting all the children that Azazel infected. They want you to go with them, they would have come for you themselves but they think your hiding yourself from them." Dean sat down his thoughts were way to jumbled to be having this conversation and he wanted Castiel there.

"I'm not hiding from them.. At least I don't think I am." Sam looked confused and a little frightened. "Things have been changing so fast. Why are they collecting us?"

Dean tried to put together what he wanted to say he knew him and his brother if one word was said wrong they were going to end up fighting and nothing would be accomplished. "Sam... how are you getting stronger?"

Sam coughed and looked away, "You don't wanna know." Oh, Dean knew that.

"You're right I don't but... You _scare _demons and angels Sammy and the longer I don't know what's going on the more time I have to make up different crap and I don't want to know but... I need to know." This emotional crap didn't sit well with either of the Winchester brothers; the sooner Sam agreed to go with the angels the sooner they could freaking forget it.

Sam stood and it was his turn to pace around the room, "Dean it got out of hand. At first it started off as just a way to make the pain go away and then it was so that I could be stronger and now... Now," Sam sighed and wouldn't look at Dean. His chest was rising a bit fast and his eyes were flicking about the room. Sam acted like an addict looking for a fix.

"Now..." Dean prompted.

Sam hung his head and shame, confusion, numerous emotions poured of the younger Winchester. "It's like a drug and the more I have the more I need. The need, it grows and grows. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to _die_ if I don't have it. And since... since killing Alastair I've needed it more." Sam looked at Dean then and he could see how much it was tearing the young man apart to tell him this. "And what kills me is I don't want it. Every time, I can hear Dad in my head yelling at me, telling me to stop. Or you standing there just out of sight ready to kill me." There is anguish in Sam's voice and Dean can really believe that he does feel regret for the decision that he made.

Dean had an idea of what Sam was talking about and it made his stomach turn. "Sammy..?"

"The first time I threw up." Sam couldn't look at Dean and Dean wouldn't look at him.

After a long silence Dean finally spoke up, "You need to go with the angels Sammy."

"I answered your question, you answer mine. Why are they doing it?" Sam finally looked at Dean but he found it difficult to meet those brown eyes. "What do they want with us?"

"It's not them that want you. It's the demons, they'll need a vessel. I think it was the whole point. To create a vessel strong enough for Lucifer." It was the point, it was why Castiel had sent him to the past, it was why there were so many children. Azazel had known as much as any that only a few would survive. The strongest would survive. Dean scrubbed a hand down his face. "Sammy.."

"I know, I get it. I'm the strongest." Sam let his head fall into his hands. "I've been lying about some things Dean."

"Really I wouldn't have guessed." Dean snapped his hands folding together again, trying to bring himself peace. This was not the time to try and pick a fight with Sam but it almost felt like second nature when it came to his little brother.

"Ruby hasn't been the one finding the leads." Sam looked away, "I have. The psyhic stuff came back and I've been the one finding the leads to Lilth."

Dean's hands clenched together, "So you're psyhic, you've been drinking the demon-bitches blood, anything else you've been keeping secert?" Calm, calm, calm.

"I needed to be stronger so I could get you back." Sam shouted standing up and moving about the room. "I couldn't just sit around waiting for the next meaningless hunt. I needed to hunt Lilth down and kill her. There was only one way to do that."

"One way? Demon blood is what started all of this! I can't believe---" Dean was cut off by the presence of Castiel in the room.

"Dean you're not helping." Castiel stood in front of Dean and folded his hands back together. It was like an instant short-lived calm and it had nothing to do with prayer.

Dean is beyond calm in seconds and no amount of praying is going to help that; Castiel isn't going to help that. "Did it ever occur to you Sam that Ruby wanted you stronger for a reason! She's been using you since day fucking one!" The fire in his blood is burning at full steam. He wants to hurt something again.

"Don't take your prejudice out on Ruby!" There is a similar fire in Sam's eyes. "She hasn't done anything wrong. She's been there for me while you were---" Sam bites his words off but they hang in the air until Dean speaks out.

"While I was what Sammy? Starting the apoloclypse? Damn it Sam she hasn't been there for _you_!" Dean started towards Sam with all intentions of beating some sense into his little brother. Sam was advancing towards Dean as well.

They were both on opposite sides of the room with Castiel standing between them and Dean would have found it really amusing but he was pissed. "Let me go Cas, now." He shruggled against the hold and by the relaxed look on Sam's face this didn't even phase him. A sickening fear uncurled in his stomach, what if Castiel had been right, what if Sam could hurt angels, too.

"Please Brothers, please stop this before one of you says something you'll regret." Castiel begged and it pulled at Dean's chest that he cared about them so much; that he would remind them that they _were_ brothers. Above all else. Though they had both already said things they would regret.

The brothers looked at each other, "I'm sorry Dean." Sam spoke up first.

"Yeah, ditto." It was all Sam was getting out of Dean, "Now let me go." The not-there hand that had been pushing against his chest disappeared. Dean stayed on his side of the room watching Sam wearily for a moment. "I need some air." He walked to the door and had it slammed shut before either of the other two occupants could react.

* * *

Castiel watched Sam with a similar wary expression, it had not gone unnoticed by the angel that his powers had had no effect on the young man. Sam had moved on his own occord. It cemented some of his fears that Sam was much more powerful than him or his superiors realized.

"You think I'm some lost lamb, don't you?" Sam accused his eyes watching Castiel with a calculating look. "Led astray by the big bad demon?"

Castiel sighed and sat down in the same spot that Dean had occupied, "I believe you are lost Sam but you are far from a lamb." Castiel answered carefully not wanting to upset the already on edge man.

"I needed to be stronger for Dean." Sam was no less convinced of his reasonings, now or before.

"You say that you _needed_ to be stronger." Castiel started softly, "But what about what Dean needs?"

"Dean needs me to be strong so I can protect him. He isn't the same man that went to the Pit you know that." Castiel knew too well but it did not sound as if Sam knew just how well. "Without these powers Samhain would have been able to wreck havoc, Dean would be dead at the hands of Alastair and you would be in heaven. There would be countless people still being used like puppets by demons. Demons that I was able to exercise and save the humans." Sam sounds so convinced that what he did was the right thing that even Castiel, if he had less faith, would believe that it had been the only way.

"Sam," Castiel knows that there is very little he can say to him that will convince him otherwise but he feels that he must try for Dean. "You are a good man. You pray everyday. You must see the fractures in your reasoning."

"Look, all I see is a bunch of angels and most of the ones I've met would smite this world before saving it. Cas your the exception, not the rule and I don't see how your kind is any better than a demon. Using someones body like you do? Saying that they prayed for it?" Sam stalked a little closer and Castiel had to draw up from that strength inside him that did not know fear to keep from flinching from him. "I'll go with who ever shows up here, but you and I both know that this war would be easily won with me there to fight along side you."

"And maybe when the time comes you will fight beside us but for now," Castiel stood, it would seem he needed 'some air' now too. "For now it would be safer if the demons could not find you. How many times would you needlessly walk into potential danger if it meant getting you closer to your goal of killing Lilth?"

Sam snorted, "You know something. I think you're afraid of me." Castiel had seen this before, it was something Dean did often and something he had seen himself recently begin to do. Deflect. So maybe his words were reaching Sam.

"I fear _for_ you more than I fear you." Castiel replied softly. "I will find Dean, maybe he has cooled off by now." Castiel's words affected Sam he can see it in his eyes. Before Castiel opened the door he turned and said one more thing to Sam. "You should remember what your brother gave up for you the last time something happen to you that he could not fix. It would be wise to keep that in mind." Castiel thinks it is a bit unfair of him to throw the sacrifice that Dean made for Sam into his face but he cannot help the sinking feeling that maybe Sam has started to lose himself to his addiction.

* * *

Dean's body tried folded in on itself; he was sitting on the hood of the Impala his arms crossed lightly over his chest, his head bowed with his chin nearly resting on his chest. If his boots hadn't been dirty from his time stomping around in the woods he would have drawn his knees to his chest. The accusations and hateful words that Sam and himself threw at each other kept running around in his head. He had his suspicisions the moment that Castiel started evading his questions about Sam's strength; Dean wasn't stupid by far and if demon blood was what got them in this then it made sense that it was what was getting Sammy stronger. Fuck, Sammy drinking demon blood and defending Ruby.

"Hello again Dean." Dean's head snapped up to find Anna in front of him. "It's good to see you." She stepped forward and hugged him tightly without letting him move his arms.

"Anna..."

"I'm so sorry you had to find out about Sam like that. It's terrible but don't lose your faith in Sam. He is has a good soul." Anna stepped back putting a little distance between them.

"You know about Sam?" Dean's arms tighten around himself. "Didn't anyone think I would want to know?"

"Sam had to tell you when he was ready. As it is he was forced to tell you." Anna said gently.

Dean really didn't want to talk about Sam so he changed the subject, "Why don't you go by your real name?"

Anna laughed, "I am Anna now and I still very much believe and wish to conduct my duities but Raguel has long since died. In a human sense at least." Anna looked towards the motel room and Dean wondered if she could hear what was going on in there. She focused on him again, "I don't have much time. Castiel will be joining you soon."

"I'm sure he'd like to see you." Dean put out there, a little confused as to why Anna thought she would have to leave.

"Cas is new to his emotions he may feel.. Jealous to see us together." Anna smiled warmly. "I'm so happy for you two. He and you both deserve happiness."

Dean lowered his eyes and scuffed his shoe along the payment, "You know about that?"

Anna smiled again, "Not many don't know about it."

"Really?" It made Dean nervous to think that the angels knew about them. "Ho--I mean, do the... superiors care?"

Anna smiled a little knowingly but didn't answer Dean's question to his annoyance. "Dean you have to be strong for Cas, Sam and yourself. I know that it's hard, that you don't want to be the only one carrying all of the responsibilty but you are the one who has the strength to do it."

Dean snorted until lately he hadn't felt like he had the strength to hold his own shoulders up. "Right."

"Oh Dean you'll see. I'll see you again, soon." She hugged him again but this time Dean was able to hug her. "Bye," She kissed his cheek and was gone.

The motel door opened and Castiel stepped out his eyes falling right on Dean. The angel walked right into Dean's personal space and wrapped his arms around his waist he kissed him passionately and Dean was surprised by the feeling of desperation he felt in it. "I have been dying to do that since Gabriel showed up." Castiel's hands ran up and down Dean's back.

"Cas.." Dean sighed burying his head in Castiel's neck his own arms dragging Castiel impossibly closer. "I wish you had told me." His lips moved over Castiel's skin as he spoke. The angel shook from the contact, giving Dean something to smile about for a moment.

"I wasn't sure and I would not tell you something like that without being sure." Castiel ran his lips along Dean's jaw. "You smell like Anna."

Dean laughed nervously, "That's really weird. About as weird as Ruby saying she could smell your saliva on me. She was here right before you came out. I told her to stay but she said she didn't want you to get jealous."

"Jealous? Why would I be jealous of Anna?" Castiel pulled away to look Dean in the eyes and it made him self-conscious to see the geneiue confusion in his angel's eyes.

"Because of y'know... our night together." Dean could feel the blush spreading over his face. He couldn't remember a person in his life that brought a blush to his face so easily. It made sense now why he'd never told the angel of Anna's first visit; sub-consciously he had wanted to leave _that_ subject be.

Castiel tilted his head to the side and study Dean for a moment. Under that gaze Dean shifted slightly, "Would you rather have Anna? I know that her vessel is more... catered to what you want. I would u---" Dean cut Castiel off with a kiss, the angel's eyes had looked sad and lost for a moment as he spoke of Dean choosing Anna.

Dean pulled away with a gasp, "There is no one I'd rather have, Castiel." He said strongly before pulling Castiel back to him. It was a slow lazy kiss that Dean rarely shared with someone.

"Dean, we should sleep." As if his angel could read his mind Dean's eyes were starting try and drift shut. It had been one hell of a day. Sliding off the Impala and bringing himslef flush against Castiel he snaked his hands around the angel's waist.

"I really don't want to go back in there right now." Dean mumbled, voice heavy with sleep.

Castiel frowned, "Sam needs you Dean." His fingers trailed down Dean's cheek and over his jaw. "This is hard for him. He is lost and will need his best friend to help lead him back."

"Okay I get it, just stop with all the emotional crap. I've had enough this last week to last a lifetime." Dean let Castiel lead him back into the motel room. Sam was sitting against the headboard watching the muted t.v.

"Night Sam." Dean made eye-contact with his brother and tried to give him a smile, he hoped it didn't look as mechinical as it felt.

"Night Dean, Cas." Sam turned the t.v. and light off. "You'll tell Ruby that I'm fine, right?" Sam asked in the darkness as Dean and Castiel got into their bed.

Dean almost said no but with a look from Castiel that he could barely see in the dim light but could feel he said, "Of course man. Whenever she shows up." Dean really hoped that she didn't show ever again. He'd be really tempted to knife her.

"Thanks."

Dean and Castiel laid next to each other for a long time before Sam's breathing evened out and they wrapped themselves around each other. There was no reason to make Sam needlessly uncomfortable. "Cas?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you actually sleep?" Dean really never noticed before if Castiel fell asleep.

"Not like you do. My vessel requires sleep but I do not. So the vessel sleeps and I am still aware of what is around me."

"Good, make sure he doesn't try and leave. He agreed a little too easily." Dean settled his head on Castiel's shoulder.

Castiel sighed, "You should trust him more. He agreed because he knew it was the _right_ thing to do."

"I do.. I just don't at the same time." Dean's jaw cracked on a yawn.

"Go to sleep, Dean." Castiel ran his hand over Dean's head and before he could say another word he was asleep. He'd be pissed in the morning that Cas used his touch to get him to sleep.

* * *

Abrupt ending I know, but I was having troubles finding a place to end this at so I just had to.. do it. Again another chapter that didn't really come out the way I planned and I've sort of given up on them actually doing that. I've changed the outline to this story three times now and I went ahead and wrote the epilouge so I hope by the time I get there it will actually still apply. Who knows.

Like the brothers fighting? Totally didn't happen in the first draft of this chapter but when I started typing the next thing I knew they were yelling at each other and saying a bunch of mean things.

Until next time...


	11. Chapter 11

Dean woke up and by the darkness still in the motel room it was some time in the middle of the night. He had to relieve himself and at some point Castiel had switched positions and now he was trapped underneath the angel. With care he slid from under him and Castiel only made a whimper, a damn whimper and Dean about crawled right back into bed. He watched Cas for a moment in the dim light; he couldn't see much of his features but he was still beautiful in the dark, his skin seemed to have it's own glow.

"You gonna stare at him all night?" Dean's head snapped up and in the dark he noticed that Sam was sitting up in his bed watching Dean. "Just sayin'." There was amusement in his voice. There's a long pause while Dean just continued to watch his angel. "I was angry because I was scared you would lose him." Sam says so quietly that Dean had to strain to hear him.

Still he says, "What?" Dean wishes he could see his brother's face.

"He had a big part in fixing you. Do you even know how many times I almost called Bobby and had him come get you? A lot, as it was Bobbywas calling almost everyday asking if you were okay. I had to lie to him. Said you were fine and that you were out. You might want to call him... I doubt he ever believed me." Sam's voice is low, conscious of their sleeping companion. "I was---I am afraid that if something happens to Cas you're going to go back to being... dead."

Dean moved around their bed so he could sit down on Sam's, "I didn't..."

"I know you didn't know but it's still tough. I care about you Dean and I care about Castiel. I don't want anything to happen to either of you." There is sincerity in Sam's voice. "I don't want him to Fall."

"We think that maybe it's a choice..." Dean trailed off.

"A choice, but angels don't have free will." Sam sat forward and Dean could see him trying to strain to see Dean's face. "Christ it isn't usual this dark is it?"

"You shouldn't use the Lord's name in vain." Dean said without really thinking. He can't see it but he knows that Sam's mouth is hanging open a bit.

"Wow, you know I noticed earlier but I thought it was a fluke." Sam laughed softly. "Dude about that stuff I said, y'know about you in Hell... I'm sorry." Sam sighed, "It was so stupid to throw that in your face."

"I throw into my own face all the time... So it's whatever." The uncomfortable conversation reminds Dean why he got out of bed in the first place. "Look I already told Cas. I'm done with all this chick-flick crap. C'mon what the hell? When did we get all emotional?" He stands and goes to the bathroom before Sam can respond.

When he comes out he goes straight for his bed and slips back under Castiel, the angel kissed him softly on the shoulder and Dean had a suspicion that he wasn't really asleep. With a smile Dean ran his fingers through Castiel's hair and kissed his forehead.

"That is so weird." Sam's amused voice sounds from the dark.

"Shut your piehole." Dean responds with a smile.

Sam laughs, "Sure thing." The room falls quiet and both brothers drift back off to sleep.

* * *

Castiel was sitting up with his back resting against the headboard and Dean's head in his lap; his hand was caressing the young man's hair with the same soft touch that Dean had used with him the night before. His heart had sored as he listened to the brothers' conversation; Castiel knew that it was deceitful to feign sleep while they had such an intimate moment. He could not interrupt though knowing that both men needed to clear the air desperately. Sam stirred in his bed and lefted his head, groaning as he blinked his eyes open to the sun.

"Good morning." Castiel said softly not wanting to disturb Dean in his rest.

"Morning," The younger brother mumbled, standing and going straight for the bathroom. Castiel has oftened wondered how bothersome some of the human body functions must be. Relieving oneself, showering, eating. All seem like mundane tasks. When Sam comes out he falls heavily to his bed. "It's going to be hard." He says, looking at his brother with guarded eyes. "You'll watch over him, right?"

"I'll will not let him from my sight." Castiel responded passionately.

Sam laughed, "Don't go over board." His face suddenly turned very serious. "I didn't---I didn't want to have this conversation with Dean... It's going to be hard, isn't it?"

Castiel does not have to guess at what is going to be hard for Sam, "You know better than I do how addiction affects humans." He answers carefully, Castiel does not know a thing about the detox that is ahead for Sam.

"So it will... be like that? Like coming off a drug?" Sam sounds lost once again, lost and scared. "And I'll have to do it alone?" Castiel wishes that he could comfort the boy and tell him that it would be alright but he knows that it will not.

"I believe that it will be. I do not know if you will be alone... If you would like I could ask one of my fellow kin to be with you. He is a gentle soul. Azrael is unlike any of the angels you have met. You would call him the exception." Castiel knows that Azrael would gladly agree to watch over Sam, if for anything he would have the chance to spend time with a human. Even one going through what Sam will have to go through.

Sam let a small laugh escape, "Wow I'll be detoxing with an angel. My life is weird."

"Join the club and you guys talk way too loud." Dean mumbled from Castiel's lap; his hand still under the covers ran along Castiel's leg and up to his hip. Castiel jerked away from the touch, a strange sensation exploding over his skin.

"What is that? Why does that feel so strange?" Castiel flicked the covers away to examine his leg. "When you did that it was strange."

Both brothers bursted into laughter, "You're ticklish Cas?" Dean's wicked grin puts the angel immediately on edge.

"What is tic---" Castiel gasped as those fingers dug into his side causing the sensation to not only intensify but almost _hurt_ in away that made Castiel want to laugh. "Stop, stop what is that!?" He did not know whether to be alarmed at the feeling or excited.

Sam was laughing so hard he was beginning to slip from his seat. "Dean knock it off." He got out between gawfs.

Dean pulled away but not without giving one more gentle caress that soothed the terrible feeling of before. "That was tickling and you are so ticklish." Dean leaned up and completely unfazed by Sam still watching them with amusement, kissed Castiel softly. "I promise not to do that again." He said with a smile. Castiel could not say for certain that he never wanted Dean to do that again; it had been interesting at the least.

Sam coughed and brought both men back to the room suddenly; Dean jumped up and with a bounce that Castiel had never seen went off to the bathroom. "Does that make you uncomfortable?"

Sam laughed, "Dude I went to college at Stanford... It's like forty miles from San Francisco. I've seen it before." Sam brushed away Castiel's concerns. He had remembered what Dean had said, that Sam had reminded him what the Bible said about their relationship. He had feared that Sam would not apporve but it would seem after the brothers' conversation the night before those concerns of Sam's focused more on Dean and himself being safe and less on being disgusted by them.

Dean came back into the room still grinning a little but it fell as he asked, "So when is your brother going to get here or is it a sister that's coming?"

Like they had been waiting two of his brethren appeared in the room, Beriah looked around the dirty motel room with a cynical eye. "What a place you have lowered yourself to." She looked at Castiel with some contempt. "What, surprised to see me? You couldn't really think Gabriel would allow you to pick."

Castiel kept silent taking comfort in Dean when he slid behind him on the bed, his arms winding around Castiel's waist. He wished he could see the look on Dean's face but from Sam's amusement he thinks that it is a fierce mask of protectiveness.

Azrael frowned, "Do not make it so hard on them Beriah." He is surprised that the young angel would speak up to one so much older and it would seem that Beriah too was surprised. Azrael smiled at the pair his eyes reflecting his curiousity.

Beriah barely supressed her growl at the angel's words. "You would learn to mind your tongue." She bit out.

Unconcerned Azrael turned to Sam and greeted him warmly, "I am Azrael." He held out his hand in a completely human gesture. Sam looked at the outstreched hand and then took it shaking firmly. "I am excited to spend time with you Sam Winchester. I have many questions." Azrael ignored the burning looks being sent to him from Beriah.

"Um, so am I." Sam answered after a moments pause. Castiel had his suspicions that the boy had not believed him when he said that Azrael was different then the angels he had met.

"Great," Beriah drawled. "If you will excuse us---" Beriah, Azrael and Sam were no longer in the room.

"That is so freaking annoying! I didn't even get to say goodbye!" Dean jumped up, jarring Castiel from the relaxed position he had sunk into. "Do you see how annoying that is now?"

Castiel shook his head in agreement, "I do now."

Before anything else could be said two more appeared in the room. Anna in her human body was of course easily recongized; she quickly hugged Dean and bent over the bed to do the same to Castiel. He tried to pull away but she was too quick. The man that had appeared with her laughed and Castiel recongized him immediately as Gabriel. "Castiel you amuse me." He waved a finger at him. "You can curl around Dean with ease but a little hug from Raguel and you stiffen like a cat in the presense of a dog."

"I told you not to call me that." Anna glared at Gabriel with a frown. "It's Anna now."

"Anna, Raguel what is the difference. Next you expect me to call you sister." Castiel had never seen archangels like this, joking with one another with such ease. He had never seen angels like this at all.

"It would be a start," She fired back. "Where is Sam?" Anna turned her attention away from Gabriel. "We have come for him."

"You did get him to agree I hope. He will have a hard time ahead of him; removing demon blood from ones system is not an easy or enjoyable task." Gabriel looked about the room before his gaze fell on Castiel and Dean's faces.

Castiel could only imagine what his face reflected but if it was anything like Dean's there was confusion and fear and a heavy, heavy dose of betrayal. "What do you mean?" Castiel asked carefully.

"You didn't think just anyone was going to take on this responsibilty." Gabriel now was looking uneasy. "Please do not say some one came and took him."

"Beriah and Azrael just left here." Unconsciously Castiel pulled Dean to him and wrapped him protectively in his arms. "They were not sent by you?" He asked sharply.

Anna is gone and Gabriel is looking murderous, a look that has Castiel pulling Dean closer. "No," Dean whispered, "No don't tell me we just let a traitor take my baby brother." Castiel can hear a multitude of voices rising; Anna is searching for Azrael or Beriah but neither can be found. The word was spreading the Beriah and Azrael were not to be trusted if found. Beriah's words come back to him and suddenly Castiel is sick to his stomach.

"She tricked you Castiel but that does not make it your fault." Gabriel said softly.

"How can you even justify that!?" Castiel would have never thought he would raise his voice to a superior. "She came to me and gave me false information! I believed it, I allo---"

Gabriel cut Castiel's words off, "You have put less and less trust into your kin, you have been wise to be wary of them. Beriah knew she would have to find a way through."

Anna was back, "I told you something like this could happen." She said sharply to Gabriel ignoring Castiel and Dean, her hazel eyes flashing with anger. "We should have just come here and taken him last night!"

"Calm down Raguel can't you see you're frightening them?" Indeed both Dean and Castiel are wearing matching looks of fear. "We will find him." Gabriel tried to assure them.

Anna doesn't look calm by far but she does not say anything else. Instead she leaves and they are once again alone with Gabriel. "Azrael could not be apart of this, his soul is too pure." Gabriel is either speaking to himself or speaking to the rest of the garrison aloud so Dean would know what was going on.

"Which means..." Castiel cannot bare to bring himself to say it.

It's Dean that finishes the sentence, "They either kill him or convert him." Castiel is instantly worried; his charge has been too calm or Dean was in shock.

"Dean?" Castiel turned him in his arms, "Dean please talk to me?"

Dean's green eyes bore into Castiel's, "We didn't even know." He finally whispered. "So many of them are hate-filled... and we didn't even blink at her animosity." His words are too calm and Castiel fears that he will lose his Dean again. Something in Castiel's eyes must reflect this fear because Dean gathers his face between his hands and kisses him soundly. "We are going to get Sam back." There is no doubt in his words.

"Yes we are." Castiel says just as strongly.

"Well, now that that is settled..." Gabriel looks at them impatiently. "I understand that you two will not want to work with most of the garrison. So good luck, we'll keep in touch." Gabriel leaves the two alone in the motel.

"I am so sorry Dean... I woul---" Castiel is cut off by a sob escaping his thoart. "I let this happen."

Dean turns his determined eyes on Castiel, "Listen to me Cas I am not going to lose my brother now, ever. So start racking that brain of yours and find us someone who can help us get some answers." Dean grabs his phone off the dresser, "I'll get Bobby on any contact that he can find." Castiel nods his head mutely, an innapporiate feeling coarsed through him at the forceful leader emerging from Dean. "Now Castiel." He snapped before he started barking at Bobby over the phone.

* * *

Okay folks, this was just going to be a very short chapter. At first it was only going to be the first part but then I couldn't seem to stop. And yes I did mean to stop that they way I did... This is a pretty little cliffhanger for y'all! I wont be posting another chapter until Monday maybe Sunday depending on how the weekend goes. I have a very busy weekend ahead and wont even be near my computer for most of it. Which is a very hard thing for me! (that's to you sis for calling me an addict!)

Anyways, I know I've sort of spoiled you all with updating everyday. So please bare with me, when I come back we will have a great chapter and we'll really start to get into things.

Who likes hearing that? Twenty-thousand words in and I'm saying we're getting to things! Hehe.


	12. Chapter 12

Sam woke up and the first thing he tried to do was pull at the restraints that held him; he was groggy like he'd just waken up from a long sleep.

"Hey Sam," The familiarity of Ruby's voice clears his head some. The room is dark all Sam can make out is Ruby's form standing a few feet away from him. Forgetting for a moment that he's bound he reaches out for her; the emotionless mask on her face softens for a moment but then it's gone.

"What's going on Ruby?" Sam tried to meet her eye but she deftly avoided his.

"Say your peace she-demon; I tire of this." The angel, Beriah, that had come for him came into focus behind Ruby, her eyes so bored it could have been comical.

Ruby made a step forward before looking down and stopping short; Sam followed her eyes and lurched when he saw the devil's trap he was sitting on top of. "I'm sorry," Her voice is soft and pleading. Sam feels sick. "I had to follow Lilth's orders." Sam's head swam with confusion. "What I feel for you is real... I wish I could---"

"Enough," Beriah stepped forward and Sam had forgotten about her presence. "You wouldn't understand anything about following orders." Ruby tripped over her feet to get away as the angel stepped right up to Sam.

"How could you?" Sam yanked harder and harder at his bindings.

Beriah laughed, "How could I? How is the easiest. I'm more powerful than you, you couldn't stop me." She balled up his fist and quickly found a vein. "Ask me why." Sam wasn't going to humor her. "God gave Humans, the favorite, his most beautiful creation and you destroyed it. Earth could have been ours and we would have never brought the harm you have." The angel fell silent for a long moment.

"What are you doing to me?" Sam looked at the IV the angel had put in his arm.

"It's disgusting," Beriah pressed her hand against Sam's thoart stopping the short pants his breathe had taken on. "That the only way for my Brother to claim what's ours is to prepare a human body. That humans are so weak that they could not withstand his amazing power makes you unworthy to even be his vessel." Sam jerked as he saw her hang a bag of blood. Beriah chuckled darkly, "I'm sure you found it terribly erotic drawling blood from your demon-bitch. This is a much easier, more effective way. My vessel knows all about this procedure, I picked her for this reason." Beriah leaned down and whispered in Sam's ear, "Sometimes she weeps at the things I've done."

"I don't und---"

"My vessel did not ask for this." Sam felt sick to his stomach as the words sunk in. Beriah hadn't taken a willing vessel that had prayed for salivation; she had taken a vessel that benefitted her agenda. Beriah looked especially pleased that she had been able to disturb Sam so soundly.

"You're a monster," Sam yelled.

Beriah laughed merrily, "Soon you'll be a monster just like me." Her grin widen when she saw the confusion on Sam's face. "The she-demon is bottom feeder compared to what I'm about to give you." Beriah smirked, "We wanted to give you Alastair since he was such a nasty piece of work but your precious ruined that." She looked into the darkness and Sam could just make out Ruby moving farther away. "The humanity that taints her blood wont last long either way mixed with this."

"Ruby," Sam shouted to her. "Please help me!"

"That is adorable," Beriah smiled nastily. "'Ruby,'" She mocked Sam. "'Please help me, help me be stronger, better.' Pathic," She went on normally. "Enjoy these last few days. Soon the last shreads of your humanity cease to exist." Sam watched as the first drops of demon-blood made it's way to the end of the IV.

"Can I stay with him?" Ruby's eyes met Sam's for the first time and he felt it was only because she refused to meet those of the angel.

Beriah laughed cold and dark, "No she-demon." And they were both gone.

Sam pulled at this bindings trying to loosen them even a bit, "You should not struggle Sam Winchester." Sam's head snapped around to his left almost out of sight in the dark was the young angel Azrael that had also been with Beriah. "It will only cause your blood to pump harder."

"How could you do this?" Sam shouted, he noticed immediately that Azrael flinched away from his voice. "Help me get free." He lowered his voice and pleaded.

"I cannot, as you are trapped so am I. If you care to joke it's an Angel's Trap." The angel's weak attempt to laugh left him coughing a terrible hacking, wet sounding cough.

Sam recongized it immediately and squinted into the darkness trying to make out more of the angel's body. "Are you okay? What did they do to you?" He could see dark stains on the light colored shirt he was wearing and the discoloration of his face was easily recongized too.

"Asked me to convert and beat me for my refusal." Azrael turned his body trying to hide from Sam's intense gaze. "An example to be made of. I heard Beriah talking to another of our kin. They are tired of hiding their mission; they are ready to open war upon their loyal brethren." His head hung in defeat.

"Hey Azrael you have to stay with me. How bad are you hurt?" Sam watched as Azrael raised his head.

"I believe I will survive but this pain is---" He fell silent. "I have never felt pain such as this... it hurts to breathe, to sit, to stand. How can humans stand to be in pain."

"Don't think about the pain Azrael. Do something to take your mind off of it." Sam tried to slow his breathing, calm his own nerves.

"I pray when I do not want to think about what is happening around me." Azrael finally said after some time, "It helps me to remember why I am here doing the things I do."

"Then pray with me," Sam looked at Azrael until he could not ignore the eyes on him. "Pray with me."

"Okay," This time when Azrael's head lowered it was not with defeat but confidence.

* * *

There wasn't enough for Dean to do once he'd gotten off the phone with Bobby he was left feeling deflated. Bobby's words that he would beat every contact he had if it came to that had been less than comforting. He needed something, "What about the angel I met with Azrael, Ekeziel right?"

Castiel's blue eyes met Dean's and realization sparked; no sooner as Dean speaking the angel appeared in their room. "Do you wish to interrogate me also Castiel?" He spit out his brown eyes flashing with anger.

Castiel took a step back completely surprised by the hositilty of his brother. "I do not." His angel spoke his words carefully, "Beriah came for Azrael under orders?"

Ekeziel snorted, "Of course Beriah came to me with orders. Unlike you Castiel I do not interrupt my orders to fit my needs." Dean saw something in Ekeziel's eyes, "Azrael is a gentle soul; it sickens me to think what that godless-heathen is doing to him." It was fear.

"Azrael's faith is strong," Castiel took a hesitant step towards Ekeziel. "I am sure he can find---"

"I do not need advice from the likes of you!" The angel shouted, the anger rising in his voice. "You are no better Castiel. Feeling for your meatbag charge, _laying_ with him. Gabriel and the blasphemous Raguel may find your actions endearing, but I find it disgusting."  
"I get how you feel," Dean spoke up before Castiel could. "You just lost your brother and you need to know where he is. So please, please help us---"

Ekeziel cut Dean off, "Help you? I would rather---"

"Not for us," Castiel said quickly. "Do this for Azrael."

"For Azrael," Ekeziel murmured.

"He is stronger than you credit him for." Castiel again choose his words very carefully. They seemed to be the right words.

Ezekiel's head snapped up, "Azrael's faith is strong." His eyes shifted away from them. "I will ask for reassignment; our kin may be relucant to talk to you. I can help you gather information from the more reserved brethren."

Dean went to thank him but the angel blinked out before he could open his mouth. He turned to Cas ready to ask him what their options were. "Come on, what're we doing. I can't sit around with my thumb---"

Dean was cut off by the presence of another angel; the vessel was a mammoth-of-a-man that filled the small motel room. "Castiel," He greeted the deep voice echoed around the room. He bowed slightly in greeting, "My orders are to report to you."

"Thank you Helez," Castiel turned to Dean and with a startling realization he knew that both of them were looking to him to make a decision.

"Uh, you guys can hear each other all the time?" It was creepy to think that the angel's heard his conversations with Castiel but he would have to greatful for the help it would be.

"We must take extreme precautions to hide ourselves from our brethren." Helez answered.

"The kind that get you noticed I hope," Or didn't but that was more on a private, personal reason so he would have to keep it to himself.

"It is extremely difficult to go missing for long periods of time and not begin to spark worry with the others." Castiel supplied, an almost embarrassed look on his face.

"Then we need to know where she was turning off communication, can you do something like that?" He barely waited for their nods before barrelling on. "Who was she in contact with most frequently before and after and what she was doing durning those times." Dean was already trying to piece together his own what she was doing. "What kind of excuses she used to. She might not have lied too much." Without a word, something Dean was becoming increasingly use to, Helez was gone.

"You spark worry a lot?" Dean almost didn't bring it up, he was certain that Castiel would not have done so.

Again the angel looked embarrassed, "Some times. Less now that you are not... broken like you were. I did not wish the others to see you like that. Now it is only when I am away from you that I make an effort to hide you. When we speak of private matters I make a point to keep them the same." Castiel stepped closely to Dean; he couldn't help the sudden flood of calm that hit him. For just a moment he felt like everything would be alright.

Dean had to keep focused on finding Sam; he stepped back from Castiel with some relucantance. "We need to do something." He shook him self mentally, he needed to get his head wrapped around the job ahead.

"Where would you like to begin?" Castiel must have sensed Dean's distancing because he took his own step back.

"I'm sure there's something like a witch hunt going on, right?" Castiel nodded slowly, sadly; it was obvious he didn't like neither the words to describe it or the fact that it was true. "Then we need a traitor someone on the inside." Dean's phone rang and he scrambled to reach it on the nightstand. For a crazy moment his rattled brain supplied an image of Beriah on the other end offering a ransom for the return of Sam. The thought fizzled when Dean realized he would probably be what they wanted.

His nerves frayed when he saw Ruby flashing on the screen, "What the hell do you want?" He growled over the connection.

"I don't have a lot of time," Her voice was hushed and hurried.

* * *

I know another cliffhanger, I really like them.

It took a lot of thinking to finally write this from Sam's POV I tried to work it in before but it wasn't going. I'm not crazy about how it turned out but I am satisfied.

I tried to make Ruby bad because I don't like her but I wrote her all bad, and I mean she was really bad but it just didn't work so I had to go back and change it. I like it this way better. I hope Ruby haters aren't disappointed. I tried.

Fair warning updates will come at a slower pace because I was sort of on vacation. Hopefully this doesn't have much left to it, atleast that's what I'm hoping for, maybe five more chapters if not a little less. But this thing has had it's own mind so you knows.


	13. Chapter 13

Every time Beriah came to change out an empty bag Sam would pray that it wasn't working, that he was fighting against whatever the demon blood was doing to him. Azrael would always disappear as far as he could into the blackness that surrounded his trap. He would cringe at the sound of her voice and she always made sure to address him. "Azrael," She purred causing the angel to convulse with fear. "Have you changed your mind?" He wouldn't answer her but he would press his body farther into the dark.

Beriah would turn her brown eyes on Sam then, they were twisted with hate. "And what about you? Hmm, have you changed your mind or do you still think you can save yourself?" Sam wouldn't answer her, he never gave her any satisfaction at knowing that her words burned rivers of hate through his blood. "You don't have to answer I can feel the hope still pouring off you." She laughed.

Beriah loved to talk. She told Sam about the hopes and dreams of her vessel and how with each day the little faith the woman had had would grow smaller. She had smirked when she said that, "She thought angels were benevolent."

Beriah took the bag away but did not replace it; Sam's head lifted. "A short reprieve. We don't want you getting too strong, too soon. Who knows what brave but stupid plan you would come up with. Always the hero with you Winchesters." Her sneering, hateful mouth twisted Sam's own into something grotesque.

"When you fall I'm going to rip you apart." Sam growled but Beriah only laughed with delight.

"Rip me apart? Excellent, feed that fury." Beriah's tone took on a gleeful note. "Fall?" She smiled, "Why would I want to do something like that?" Beriah looked at Azrael who Sam couldn't even make out in the darkness. "Why would I give up this power," Azrael made a pained sound, his breathing coming in short gasps.

"Stop it, leave him alone!" Sam shouted. "Azrael don't think about the pain."

Mumbled and barely understandable Sam could hear the angel reciting, "Heavenly Father, in my present need, help me to belie---" Another sicking sound of pain from Azrael.

"You Traitor! Attack me if you want to prove how str--" Sam was gripped in a white lighting-hot vice of pain that exploded all over his body.

"Why would I give up this power when my demon-self would not compare." The pain stopped and Sam was able to drag a few gasping breathes into his lungs. It made since to Sam that Beriah would fall no shorter than the deepest Pit, her hate and Sin so deep that she would have no chance.

He was left speechless his mind still reeling from the terrible pain she had placed him in. He couldn't look her in the eyes terrified to see that hateful fury burn into his own soul. All Sam saw when he looked at the angel was the makings of a demon. Beriah left again and Sam could only hope that it would be a long time before she graced them with her presence.

"Azrael?" Sam was still panting from the pain but it was becoming more manageable. "Azrael speak to me." Azrael slowly made his way back into his small patch of light; his eyes were turned away and he wouldn't look at Sam.

"I am fine Sam Winchester, you should not have tired to distract her from me." His soft voice was strong but there was a certain amount of defeat coloring it again. "Until she tortured me I was feeling better. I had ached less." Sam hoped that it was because Azrael had been healing and not that his vessel was going into shock. "I feel warmer." It gave Sam a little bit of hope that it was the former.

Sam steadied his breathing and was able to speak with out gasping, "Tell me about falling."

"I know nothing," The disgust in Azrael's voice is enough to keep him from asking any farther on the subject.

* * *

"I don't have a lot of time," Ruby's voice was hushed and hurried. "They have Sam somewhere on the east coast near the beach, I can smell the Alantic ocean. It's warm too. I don't know anything more, they brought me here. Dean it's a lot worse then---Shit, they already know--- It's a lot worse then the angels think." Ruby gasped and then quickly said, "I really do love your brother Dean and I care about you--" Ruby was cut off with a shriek of pain before the line went dead.

"Damn it!" Dean threw his phone against the wall. "Damn it!" He shouted again when he saw the pieces it laid in. Without a word Castiel went over to the phone scooped up all the pieces and handed him back the repaired phone. "I need to call Bobby," Dean mumbled fumbling with the phone before those gentle hands took the phone right back.

"Sit down Dean," Castiel guided Dean gently to a bed and had him sit down. "I will call Bobby." Castiel spoke quickly with Bobby relaying the new information provided by the de---Ruby. He couldn't bare to imagine what Lilth had taken from Ruby to force her change in loyalites. She had sounded so sincere in her proclamation that she really cared for the Winchesters that it shook the angel to his core.

Turning to Dean he found his charge watching his own hands a look of dark fury in his eyes. Castiel wanted nothing more than to go to Dean and wrap him tight in his arms and wings. He wanted to help Dean to forget if only for a moment all the terrible things that had gone wrong in these last few hours. Dean did not want his comfort right now and as much as it pained Castiel he would have to wait until the man was ready. For now he was content with being there and having his presence be enough for his charge.

"There is something we could do," Castiel tried to be careful with his words. He was relucant to bring up this idea; it would be time consuming and he knew Dean wanted immediate results.

Dean's entire body language changed snapping to attention, "Why didn't you say somethi---" He cut himself off and shook his body. "Lets get to it then." He clapped his hands together and Castiel was pleased to see that the fury in his eyes had changed to determination.

"It would take powerful wards for Beriah to hide herself and others. It should not be too difficult to--"

"I see where this is going. You can find these wards or sense them?" Castiel nodded, "Then lets go!" For a moment Castiel had expected Dean to step up to him and embrace him but Dean stood where he was and gave Castiel he best 'what are you waiting for' look. Without another word Castiel took them off to the east coast and hoped that this would work.

* * *

Sam really needed to ask Azrael what he knew about falling, he wanted to understand it better. He wanted to use it to his advantage, if he could and he would only figure that out if he knew more. After Azrael's reaction at his first inquiry he was relucant to ask again. Sam had been under the impression that a fallen angel was an angel that had been exiled from Heaven. Then there was an angel like Anna who had ripped her grace from herself and fallen to Earth to better understand humans; Sam had never read anything like that before, but he added it to his short list of what he knew about falling.

"I always believed that to fall one would have to anger Father beyond forgiveness." Azrael's voice suddeningly filling their depressive cell startled Sam.

Sam waited a few moments before pressing, "And now?" He asked he needed to keep Azrael focused on him.

"Now I do not know what to believe. Twenty-four hours ago I would have told you, albeit very relucantly, that the garrison was being paranoid and that Castiel was wrong. That the only traitor had been Uriel because there was no way any _more_ of my kin could possibly do the things they were accusing him of." For the first time Azrael looked at Sam on his own accord. Sam could see the betrayal burning in his vessel's light eyes. "I would have never thought that an angel as high ranking as Beriah would be a traitor. I would never have believed that she would or even could take an unwilling vessel." Azrael looked away his voice taking a sharp tone. "I cannot imagine the fear that that poor woman is being subjected to. There are many things that a day ago I would have never thought. So now, now I do not know what I think."

Sam could hear the hysterical edge Azrael's voice was taking. "Hey Azrael," He said softly. "Uriel was misled, so is Beriah. They just need to remember th---"

Azrael snorted cutting Sam off and the sound brought a shiver down his spine. "Have you _seen_ her, really seen her?" Azrael looked at him again, "Darkness pours off of her." He gasped like just the words alone brought him pain.

"I can't see that like you do but I still have hope." Sam watched as the angel withdrew into his dark space. "Azrael please you have to have hope too." Sam _needed_ Azrael to believe because he could not be stuck in this hell-hole cell alone.

"Your faith is something to be admired. Given all the hell that you have been put through in your life and still you pray, you believe." Azrael spoke from the darkness. "It would serve many of my brethren good to take example from you."

"Don't let your brethren hear that." Sam joked softly.

"I will try... For you Sam Winchester to keep my faith." Azrael moved slowly back into the light.

"How about you just try for yourself and we'll call it a day." Sam smiled.

Azrael sighed, "There are dark days ahead for us. We will need to pray even harder." Sam found himself nodding along in agreement. Between the two of them though, he hoped their prayers would make it.

* * *

Castiel could feel Deans' frustration building and he knew that the man would explode at any moment. He found himself becoming annoyed also. "Can you not see that this isn't an exact science. It will take time and patience. I am _trying_ my best." He snapped finally after Dean huffed for a thousandth time. He tried to keep the annoyance out of his voice but by the end it was dripping out.

"Your best sucks Castiel." Dean retorted back his eyes flashing between fury and hurt. It was the hurt that got to Castiel. "And you need a new definition to the word trying!" He shouted before walking off.

Castiel took off after him, "Dean I am sorry. I did not mean to sound the way I did."

"No Cas, you did mean to sound that way. You just wish you hadn't." Dean didn't let up his fast pace or look back at Castiel. "I'm not helping I know that." He said with a sigh. "What're you doing anyways?"

"I will be able to---sense when we are near the wards." Castiel watched the play of muscles over Dean's shoulders as they tensed and relaxed.

"Right," Castiel felt that if he watched Dean long enough the young man would not be able to ignore him for long. "Stop staring at me like that dude."

Castiel couldn't help the smile on his face and he knew that Dean could hear it, "Then stop ignoring me." Dean turned slowly to face Castiel and the angel surprised himself when he did not immediately drag Dean into his arms. The distant look of defeat in Dean's eyes brought a chasma of guilt to Castiel. "We will find him Dean." He took a hesitant step towards Dean before stopping, he knew that he had to wait for Dean.

"Them."

"What?" Castiel tilted his head, "Them who?"

"We'll find _them_ both of our brothers." Another wave of guilt this time for forgetting about his brother Azrael.

"Of course," Castiel could not stop the terrible thoughts that Azrael had most likely already perished at the hands of Beriah and her other followers. That the younger angel who had not been made to fight wars could only hold on for so long before the evil that over took their other brethren wormed it's way into his own impressionable soul.

Dean stepped closely to him and wrapped loose arms around his waist, "Hey I know that look." He pressed a kiss to Castiel's cheek. "You gotta be strong. You weren't lying to Ekeziel. I met the kid he has a good head on his shoulders and he has Sam." Castiel found himself nodding in agreement to what Dean said.

"Thank you Dean." Castiel returned the loose embrace before both stepped away. "Let us try a little farther down the coast." Dean agreed and once again they were off; a shaky calm around them that did not have the strength to last too long.

* * *

Okay so not even I believe for a _second_ that Castiel would forget about Azrael but I wanted an excuse for them to hold each other. I know very bad, Mandy!

I know this chapter went back and forth a lot and for that I am very very very sorry. But I wanted to establish that feeling that time was passing and I couldn't think of any better way of doing that. Y'know not without actually being like, "An hour passed." And I don't like to do that when I can avoid it. So I will try in the future to not skip back and forth a lot.

The character Beriah, who when I first put her in wasn't supposed to come back, got a little crazier than I planned. And I think she'll get even crazier in the chapters to come, especially with something she is going to do to our poor Sam.

I also might have to up the rating. The muse is going for gruesome and I don't know if I'll be able to avoid it. I'm always so iffy about ratings. I've already consulated my sister if she thought the T rating was not enough. But again I think I'm being paranoid. I'm good at that.

I would like to thank everyone for the _amazing_ feedback I have gotten for this story so far, thank you! Thank you!


	14. Chapter 14

Sam had fallen asleep because when he woke up there was new bag of blood hanging; he feels sick to his stomach when he realizes that he left Azrael alone with the psychotic Beriah. "Azrael where are you?" He jerked to his left but found Azrael's trap empty. He realized then that the cell was bright with light and how hadn't he noticed that first. "Azrael?!"

"Don't worry Winchester," Sam's head snapped forward and fell on a demon standing by a door that he hadn't even realized was in the room. Beriah always teleported into the room. "Your angel buddy will be back soon."

"What the hell is she doing to him?" Sam demanded pulling at his restraints, a flicker of surprise went through him when he felt them give just a bit.

The demon smirked, "I don't want to know Winchester. That angel that brought you here is one twisted sister." The smirk grew wider, "You should see what she did to your girlfriend."

Sam started pulling at earnest against his bindings feeling them give way just a fraction more. "What did she do to Ruby?" He growled and some where he wondered why he felt a blinding fury building in his blood.

The demon laughed but Sam could see the fear that was starting to blossom in his eyes. "That blood sure is doing it's job. Heh, I didn't think it would work."

Sam stopped moving, "What are you talking about?"

"Come on Winchester," The demon stepped closer. His demeanor had changed, he was more confident now. "You've had to notice you're a bit more.. Demonish?"

Sam felt bile rise in his thoart; it was true. He wanted to _hurt_ Beriah, this demon and _any_one that stood in his way to save Ruby and Azrael. He tried to take a deep steadying breath but the demon laughing made his blood boil. Without reallying thinking about what he was doing he thought about how great it would be to burn the demon to death until his evil smoke poured from the poor human he was inhabiting. Sam jerked in surprise when the demon started screaming in agnony.

"What're yo---" Sam stared in amazement as the human body crumpled to the ground.

Beriah was there before Sam could make any other decisions. She clicked her tongue, "Tsk. I told him not to provoke you." Before Sam could try to subdue the angel she pushed her first two fingers to his forehead and blackness over took him.

When Sam came to the cell was once again only lit by one lone bulb right above his head. He knew Azrael was back with him but when he went to look at the angel he realized he was in a different position. "Azrael?"

"They upgraded you trap." He said from behind Sam. "You gave the other demons here something to think about. And there going to slow down your blood consumption." There was something different about Azrael but Sam couldn't really place it. He desperately wanted to _see_ the angel.

"I'm turning into a monster." He said with defeat hanging his head.

"Undoubtly Sam." It stung all the way to his core to have Azrael would agree with him. "But as long as you hold onto your humanity you wont become the monster."

"What do you mean?" Sam didn't see much of a difference.

"You can't stop the effect the demon blood is going to have on you but you can decide how you use it. I believe as long as you have your faith and humanity you will make it through this.." Sam was finally able to turn his head far enough around to see the angel and what he saw turned his already weakened stomach. Azrael was black and blue, his lip split open and a jagged, bleeding cut ran up the inside of his arm. "Don't worry." He said softly and Sam was able to pinpoint what sounded so different about the angel. It was hope, his voice was strong with hope. "I was able to heal the enternal injuries before Beriah placed me back in this trap."

Sam had to turn away unable to hold the position or look at the bloodied angel for too long. "What did they want?"

"My loyality," Azrael said softly. "I told Beriah that Father would stick her behind 600 seals for the atrocity she has wroth." Azrael almost sounded smug.

"Azrael what did they do to you?" This wasn't the same angel he had joked with only hours ago. Hours, was that all it had been?

The angel actually laughed, "Nothing." He said more soberly, "I learned many things though. Castiel and Dean are not far from finding us and that has put Beriah on a sharper edge. She can't risk moving you now since you're becoming more stronger than she realized you would. The demons are afraid of Beriah, apparently she has a fondness for sending them back to hell on whims, and now with Castiel and Dean so close she is lashing out even more. The demons are _terrified_ of you Sam, they don't think a Devil's Trap, even one as ancient as this one, will hold you for long. Beriah in her psychotic arrogance will not listen to them. I think, and it's sad really, that she is the leader here on Earth amongst the angels.

Sam absorbed all of this trying to make sense of some of the things that Azrael had said. "What's happening to her?" He could hear Azrael shift uncomfortably.

"I think," Azrael started slowly, "I think that it is a combination of an unwilling vessel and her grace working against her. It's twisting her into something dark." Azrael drifted off and Sam hated that he couldn't see the angel.

"Like a demon? She's becoming a demon without even falling." Sam waited for Azrael to confirm or dein.

"Let us pray that that is not the case. She would be quite powerful." Azrael said finally and both of them fell silent trying to understand what was happening around them.

Suddenly Sam remember something the demon had said, "Ruby! Did you see Ruby?" His stomach started to turn again.

"Ruby was able to contact Dean. It is how they were able to get so close to us." Azrael supplied carefully.

"What did they do to her?" Sam demanded.

When Azrael spoke it was soft and sad, "I couldn't see her, they kept us in different rooms, but I could hear her screams." Azrael paused but continued quickly. "Sam you have to just keep thinking about the fact that she did everything she could to save you. If Beriah hadn't intervened Ruby was going to let the angels take you and let that be the end it."

Sam's mind was pinpointed on one thought, that Ruby, his Ruby was being _tortured_ because of their love, because she was different then the other demons. He wasn't even aware of the lone light bulb flickering until Azrael's voice cut through the red fog his brain had taken on.

"Sam! You need to calm yourself, now!" Azrael said with force behind each word.

The fog didn't clear until Beriah was in front of him smirking and clicking her tongeue. "I told you brother," Her voice was soft and had an edge to it. Whenever she met Sam's eyes he could see just a hint, flicker of fear running behind them. "Not to talk to our vessel." Beriah took the half-finished bag down. "Tsk, still too much. I guess we'll just resume in the morning. Big storm coming in, gotta love those acts of God, right Azrael?"

"Go to hell Beriah," Sam was surprised by the sneer in Azrael's voice.

"Oh, eventually." She was gone before Azrael could say any more to her.

"What did she mean about the storm?" Sam turned to look at Azrael only to find that the angel was looking pasty. "Hey! Are you okay?"

Azrael nodded his head, "I'm fine." He looked away from Sam and the young man had no choice but to agree with his protesting neck and turn away from the angel. "The storm is going to make it harder from my kin to find us."

"Oh," Sam's head dropped a fraction, he had had so much hope that Dean would bust through the door he now knew about and save them from this little slice of hell.

Azrael sighed, "Sam I have something I want to ask you."

"Okay," Sam said after the angel didn't not elaborate.

"What would you sacrifice to save the world?" Azrael said in a rush.

"Anything." There was no hestitation in Sam's voice and with a sick realization he found that it was true.

"Good, I have a plan and it may not work but it's better than nothing." Azrael paused and then, "Tell me about Ruby's knife."

* * *

Dean was day dreaming. It was completely inappropriate and certainly not the time to be doing so. Especially when he was deining himself the physical comfort of his angel just because it would be a distraction. But Dean was day dreaming. His mind was drifting more often than not to the few memories he could remember of his mother. Which by default got mixed up with the memories he had of her from his time in the past. The mother of his memories and the woman from his brief travel through time didn't mix well. He had a hard time seeing the gentle, loving blonde with clear green eyes and the hard but trusting blonde with guarded green eyes as the same woman. It was almost like they could have been two different people. His mind did come back to one thing often. His mother was a hunter and it was in his blood long before his father ever picked up his first rock-salt filled sawed-off shotgun. It was _in_ his blood because it was in his mother's blood.

"Dean?" Dean was yanked from his musing by the gravely voice of his angel. Refocusing on what was going on around them he was surprised to see that Helez had joined them. "Helez brings us news."

The giant angel looked at both of them with quick calculated looks. "I bring---" He sighed heavily. "I bring disturbing news." Again the angel had to pause and it made the hairs on the back of Dean's neck stand up. Whatever news he brought it wasn't just disturbing it was down right terrible. "Beriah's has had two vessel since she has reported to Earth. The first was damanged beyond repair by a powerful demon durning battle. The body was healed as best as she could be but the soul still had to make the journey to heaven." Helez paused again. "The second vessel that Beriah found.. There are those who think that the vessel was stolen."

"Stolen?" Dean cut in, "How do you stea---" Dean suddenly gets it by the look on Helez's face that is half way between way pissed off and slightly fearful and Castiel's face that has totally open up like a book and reads all of the horror he feels at this news. Dean feels sick and can already feel the dinner he had the night before trying to resurface. He swallowed, hard, twice.

"That is a very strong accusation to just be throwing around." Of course Cas was able to push all of his horror and disgust to one side and concentrate on the matter at hand.

Helez bowed his head in agreement, "It would be if it had been a few of the kin saying as such but it would seem that _many_ feel this way. They all described it as something in the eyes. Like when they looked closely enough at the vessel it was almost like they could see her screaming from within. Beriah has made it a point since her vessel change to spend little time with the garrison." The angel shifted on his feet and Dean hadn't thought someone so imposing could look uncomfortable. "There is more Castiel. I looked into who the vessel was and.."

"Just spit it out already!" Dean practically shouted at the angel. "Just tell us what the hell you found out."

"The vessel is a trauma nurse with extra training in blood transfusion. Several days ago it was noticed that the more powerful demons were disappearing. We think now that it was to harvest their blood." Helez said quickly without a pause.

This time Dean can't stop it and before he knows it he's bent at the waist hands on his knees heaving up the only food he's eaten in a day. Long after he emptied what was in his stomach and vomittied up bile and dry heavied his way through two choked coughing fits, he falls back on to his backside and scoots away from the mess. "Oh God, oh God, oh God." Dean didn't even realize at first that it was himself that was repeating the mantra over and over again. Castiel didn't wait for Dean he dropped to his knees and wrapped him up tightly. "Fuck," Dean breathed.

"We need more help searching the coast. We know that they are here some where." Castiel said and Dean could feel his angel manuvering them into a more sturdy position instead of the heap they had been in.

"Of course, I will send more angels right away." Helez was gone before either man could react.

Dean buried his head in Castiel's neck taking deep calming breathes that brought the angels scent right to his head. "Their--their pumping him full of demon blood." All Castiel could do was nod. "We're going to lose him."

"No," Castiel lifted Dean's head by the chin and stared light eyes to light eyes. "We will not lose him." Dean found himself nodding without much thought. "You forget that Sam's faith is strong and he as Azrael at his side."

"Yeah," Dean said weakly his stomach still rolling.

"You need food." Castiel went to stand but Dean held him fast.

Dean tried for a weak laugh, "Cas, I couldn't eat now. I would just throw it back up."

"You need your strength Dean." Castiel said softly, "Maybe some crackers?" The absurdity of Cas offering him crackers had Dean laughing, even if it did have a bit of hysteria to it.

"You're offering me crackers?"

"I would get you anything that you need." Castiel answered strongly and Dean didn't doubt that. He rested in Castiel's arms and he couldn't understand why he had ever deined himself this when it made him feel like everyhing would be fine.

Struggling to his feet Dean knew that _that_ was why, because everything wasn't going to be alright until he had Sam back and this was over. "C'mon we gotta keep looking for them." A crack of lighting sounded soon followed by the rumble of thunder. Helez and several other angels, Ekeziel among then, appeared at the same time. It was all enough to cause Dean to stumble back, "You guys _need_ to stop doing that." Ekeziel gave a weak grin but the other angels only looked confused for a moment.

"Castiel," Ekeziel stepped forward and his angel stood gracefully. "Have you told him?"

"I wasn't planning to," Castiel's dry dismissing tone put Dean on edge.

"Castiel." There is a tone of reprimand in Ekeziel's voice that contradicted the almost submissive way he has been with Castiel.

Dean growled with frustration, "Don't talk like I'm not right here Cas."

Castiel turned to him with apologetic eyes. "I did not mean to do that. There is a storm coming, has been coming. It will make it harder for us to find Beriah."

"Why? I don't understand. A little thunder storm is going to mess with your angel powers?"

"The spontaneous and uncontrollable act of God will." Helez answered.

Dean had to try really hard to keep himself from snorting, "Seriously?" He may have kept the snort in but the disbelief in his voice was apparent. "Great," Dean looked at Castiel but the angel was looking at the sky.

"We still have an hour or so and I will search with you long after the storn comes." Castiel looked at Dean determination in his eyes.

Ekeziel huffed, "That would be a waste of time."

"If we find Sam and stop whatever dark thing Beriah is doing to him then it would not be in vain." Castiel turned on his brother fire sparking in his eyes.

Ekeziel did not back down, "And if you miss where they are because you are not at your strongest durning the storm? What then? We'll search until the storm is at full force but we will not ignore the logic in stopping until morning once that time has come." All the angels but Helez seemed to agree with this.

The huge angel turned to Castiel, "I follw your orders Castiel."

"Dean?" Castiel turned to him and again Dean found himself having to make the decisions. God all he wanted was to search for Sam until his body collasped in exhaustion, which didn't feel that far off, but he knew that it would be idiotic to continue searching if it ran the risk of missing them.

"We'll search until the storm comes." Dean said quitely and he wanted to punch the smug look off of Ekeziel's face, almost decided that it wouldn't be such a bad thing before turning to Castiel and stepping up close to him. "Find me those crackers." He wrapped his arms around Castiel and pulled him close ignoring the looks the angels were giving them.

* * *

Ah, a nice long one to get you through the weekend. Well, it probably wont have to get you through the weekend since I plan to get atleast one more chapter out this weekend.

This chapter was originally supposed to be two but considering not only the shortness of each part (which when written out on paper is always sooo much longer, such a bummer) and the parallel the brothers seem to be running I put them together. And they had been in a different order so the Sam POV would have been your cliffhanger. hehe.

Again as always I want to thank you all for your awesome feedback.


	15. Chapter 15

Dean usually enjoyed storms there was something relaxing about the lighting and thunder but today he only felt resentment for the storm that was appoarching. He'd been counting the space between each rumble of thunder, something Sammy and him had done ever since the first time they had seen The Poltergist. Every time the number got smaller Dean felt a desperate pang in his gut.

"Cas?" He looked at his angel. The angel glanced at the sky once, a crack of lighting brightening the sky right over their heads, and then he looked at Dean.

"It may be time," He said softly looking at Dean with sad eyes. "Any longer and I will be useless."

Dean didn't get the chance to respond as Helez and Ekeziel appered, "The storm is at full force over most of the coast." Ekeziel said with hard eyes trained on Dean, ignoring Castiel completely.

"Castiel," Helez stepped forward his ever respectful tone in place. "Our superiors would like to speak to you. I will gladly stay with your charge." Ekeziel rolled his eyes and Dean snorted, for all his protests the angel had a certain human-quality to him.

Castiel nodded his head and turned to Dean. "I will return to you as soon as I can." He hestitated a moment before embracing Dean tightly. "I love you," He whispered in Dean's ear even if the other angels could hear it anyways.

Dean grinned, "I love you, too." He smirked before leaning in and kissing Castiel, smug when he saw that it caused a blush to spread across his face. Helez was grinning while Ekekiel shook his head with disgust. With a nod to the giant angel they were back in their new hotel room in Georgia.

Dean fell onto a bed his body protesting the lack of food and rest. Castiel and him had spent the entire day blinking all over the east coast. Even with Sammy having God knew what being done to him and Castiel speaking with superiors who could or could not be working to free Lucifer he found himself drifting off.

"Dean Winchester may I ask you a question of a personal matter?" Helez had the same respectful tone that he used with Cas.

"Yeah as long as you just call me Dean." He wanted to show Helez the same respect so he sat up and gave him his attention.

Helez waited a moment and Dean wondered if he'd be surprised by the angels demeanor if Helez had taken a vessel like Azrael or Ekeziel's. If he'd been small and lilthe like Azrael the pauses, the shyness would look human. Or Ekeziel's vessel who was built like Dean but about a decade older. No, Helez's vessel stood over six inches taller than Dean and was like two of him wide. If Dean met Helez on a dark street even the hunter in him would want to turn the other way.

"Is it Castiel you are attracted to or is it the vessel." The angel was actually blushing.

For a moment Dean was shocked and didn't know what to say but there was no question that, "Castiel."

"And the vessel?" Helez may have been shy but his dark eyes never left Dean's.

"Yeah," Dean thought that he would be embarrassed talking about his relationship with anyone, especially an angel. "I'm attracted to him but it's Cas that I love." But it wasn't hard to talk to this hulking angel with such a calm deposition.

Helez nodded and it would seem that his curiousity had been satisfied for now. They sat there in silence for almost a half hour not really looking at each and Dean was about to drift off again.

"Can I ask you something?" Dean didn't want to fall asleep until Castiel was back and he could ask him what his superiors wanted. Helez bowed his head in conscent and Dean was starting to really like this angel. "How do y'all choose vessels?"

"Humans who pray for salvation are choosen as vessels." Helez gave almost the same response as Castiel had their first meeting, but that wasn't what Dean wanted to know.

"I get that, I'm asking how _you_ choose _that_ human." Dean gestured towards the huge vessel.

Helez looked down at himself then looked at Dean. "I choose him because he prayed for salvation." The angel looked confused and Dean decided to drop it.

With a nod he turned on the television and began flipping through the channels unconcerned with what was playing, just needing the distraction from his exhaustion. Maybe he'd have to ask Castiel about the vessel; he might understand what Dean was actually trying to ask.

"There was also a female who was praying at the same time of my descent from Heaven. I could have choosen her, I guess." Helez was watching the television his eyes concentrating on the people moving along the screen. "She too would have sufficed I believe. Though the demons I meet on the battlefield are more wary of this vessel than they seem to be of my other kin." He grinned, "Though that is something this vessel is use to."

Dean laughed, "I can imagine dude, your sort of scary."

Helez allowed a small chuckle to escape, "It's interesting because the memories of this vessel suggest he was a very gentle, docile man."

"Do you think that is something that you've taken on? To be honest your one of the.. nicest angels I've met." Dean muted the television and folded his hands behind his head, leaning against the headboard.

"Not all angels are like Uriel and Beriah." Helez said darkly.

Even with his usual calm self Helez looked _damn_ scary when he wanted to. "I-I know that." Dean stuttered. "I've met Gabriel he's an okay guy."

Helez huffed and for the first time he actually looked annoyed with Dean. "Gabriel is an archangel, one of my highest superiors, he has watched over Earth for many milliena. He is much more than an 'okay guy,' he convinced the other superiors that Anna was loyal, he also is the one who has faith in you and Castiel's relationship. You would be wise to thank Gabriel the next time you saw him."

"Uh--yeah, yeah I'll do that." Dean shifted uncomfortably and made a very important mental note to watch what he said about an archangel in front of Helez. He was very protective of his superiors.

* * *

Castiel stood before four of his superiors, Gabriel and Anna among them, also Iscah the highest superior of his garrison. Anna was smiling amiably at him giving him a gesture that seemed to say, "Don't sweat it." He was unsure how he would do that when the others looked as if every word they were about to say was of the utmost importance.

"Castiel, please don't look so nervous you are in no trouble." Gabriel stepped forward a tentative smile on his face. Alarm bells sounded in Castiel's head and he did not care if Anna said not to sweat it, he was; something was wrong. "Our Brothers and Sisters are only concerned. Though I have told them," Gabriel gave the other superiors a look that said he should _not_ have to reassure them. "That you will follow any _order _given to you."

Castiel's mouth went dry a strange foreign feeling for him that left him swallowing trying to force any saliva down his parched thoart. "What order?" He couldn't stop the smug thought that sounded like Dean, his voice hadn't wavered.

Iscah tossed her vessel's long blond hair behind one shoulder. "It's not that we don't trust you Gabriel." Her voice was cold and it reminded him of Beriah's voice the day she had misled him. He found himself looking into her eyes trying to see the vessel within. "We do not trust Castiel. He has proven over again that his loyality lies with his sinfilled charge."

"It was coma---" Castiel was cur short by Iscah.

"Dean Winchester was pulled out of perdition because he could not withstand a little torture." Castiel reeled back, it was as if she had slapped him across the face. "And once he serves whatever purpose he has his soul will be returned to the Pit." Iscah looked pleased with herself and Castiel could only guess at the look of horror that was on his face.

"But..." Castiel looked to Gabriel who looked outraged.

"Mind your tongue Iscah!" Gabriel snapped. "I believe that Castiel's willingness to search out traitors on his own and work with Anna shows an amount of faith that the rest of your garrison would consider to emulate."

Iscah's eyes flashed with anger, "There is nothing wrong with my garrison's faith!"

"Enough of this," Jether spoke up. "I tire of this human I want to return home. Please let us get this over with."

"No one is forcing you to be here Jether." Anna said cooly.

Gabriel nodded but Castiel wasn't sure which he was addressing. "Castiel we must ask something of you." The pause made the hairs on Castiel's neck stand up. "Sam Winchester cannot be made Lucifer's vessel. We must know that you will take care of Sam."

"You mean kill him?" Castiel tried to lock eyes with Anna but the woman no longer was smiling and she refused to look at him. The look on her face was closed off and Castiel hoped he could have control over his own emotions like that one day. "I cannot kill Sam. Dean would nev---"

"Your charge has nothing to do with this." Iscah stepped forward, voice meancing. "This is an order Castiel."

"Your presense is no longer called for Iscah prepare your garrison. Tomorrow looks to be our final battle." Gabriel dismissed Iscah with a cold glare. Iscah left without arguement. "You can also leave Jether. The rest of this conversation is between Castiel and myself." Jether left without a word.

"Is what she said true? Are you going to take Dean from me?" Castiel wasted no time asking the one question that had haunted him since Iscah opened her mouth and spewed the blasphemous words.

"No one knows what Father's plans are for Dean." Gabriel answered carefully.

"You saying that you would allow me to stay on Earth with Dean; that too was just words being said to ensure that I would turn Sam over?" Castiel has never felt anger like this, not towards anyone, and to feel it for a superior for Gabriel scared him.

Gabriel did not look away from Castiel. "I asked you if there was anything you would not do for Dean. Do this for Dean because if you do not he will have to." Castiel shook his head, there was no force on Earth that would make Dean Winchester kill his little brother. "He will because if there is one thing unshakable about Winchesters' it is that they will get their job done."

"You are wrong." It felt damning to even think it let alone say it to his superior. "Dean would not hurt Sam. I question many things but that I would not."

Gabriel smiled sadly, "Then it would seem that the task falls to you. Save Sam Winchester but if you cannot then you must kill him." He looked to Anna and then was gone.

"You knew this was coming." He accused her once they were alone.

Anna stepped closer but Castiel backed away. "Cas I didn't know. Gabriel asked me along because he thought I would be able to convince you to follow his order. I did not know that the order was going to be to kill Sam. I would never ask that of you." She tried again to step closer to him but Castiel kept his distance.

Castiel looked away not wanting to hold her green eyes any more. "If I kill Sam I will lose Dean."

"Then I suggest that you talk to Dean and figure out a way to save Sam." Anna left then and Castiel had no choice but to make his own journey back to Dean.

* * *

Another aburpt ending sorry about that. Again not the original chapter 15 I planned but still. Like the conversation between Dean and Helez was with Castiel in the original but I really like Helez so I changed it up and it actually turned out better I think. hope. Little light in the beginning, little heavy in the end. The next chapter? Very heavy, lots of... ooh.

Iscah wasn't supposed to be that mean, she wasn't in the first draft but yeah. And I realized like half way through this chapter that Gabriel had sort of done a one eighty from his first appearance.. so yeah. Tried to get him back into character. Funny when you have to put your OC's back into character.

The next chapter might take a bit to get out. I'm excerising my creative skills on trying to get it just right so yeah, it's already under gone a re write. or two. hehe.

Thank you to everyone for the positive feedback!


	16. Chapter 16

Dean's eyes had slid shut for what would have probably been the last time when Castiel appeared in the room; he sat up immediately and felt a smile tug at his lips. He'd missed his angel. It was a short lived, hardly even born smile when he saw the look on Castiel's face. The angel could barely meet his eyes and when finally that intense gaze met his Castiel moved his eyes quickly away and met Helez's. Without a word the angel left, not uncommon but he'd thought him and Helez had moved on to the very least a curt goodbye. Castiel moved to Dean in that way where he was across the room in a moment; he pushed Dean back into a laying position and followed him until they were strectched out on the bed. He wrapped his arms tightly around Dean and buried his head into the crook of his neck; not knowing what else to do Dean loosely wrapped his own arms around his angel and held him.

"Cas?" Dean moved his hands up and down Castiel's back trying to bring him some comfort. "I take it it wasn't a social call. Hey," He moved his hands to Castiel's shoulders and lifted him a bit so he could see his face. "What's going on Cas?"

Castiel crushed his lips to Dean's and he could feel the desperation pouring of the angel. When Castiel pulled away his eyes were screwed shut, "This is anguish, isn't it? And betrayal, and hate."

Dean was confused and the ice forming in his belly wasn't helping anything at all. "Cas you're not making much sense." He pulled him down so that Castiel's head was resting against his chest. "Just tell me what's going on."

Castiel sat up and pushed himself away from Dean, moving to the other side of the bed. "I have been give an order." He said haltingly.

"Okay," Dean pressed when it seemed Castiel was going to leave it at that. "What order?"

The angel took a deep, shuddering breath. "To save Sam or... kill him."

Dean jumped from the bed and looked around wildly for a moment expecting angels to come swarming the room demanding that Dean listen and listen good. "What?" He choked over the lump forming in his thoart.

"Gabriel made it clear that Sam cannot become Lucifer's vessel... And it is the truth. If Beriah really is filling his body full of demon blood, high ranking demon blood then Sam will be ultimately strong without being made Lucifer's vessel." Dean tried to cut in but Castiel held up his hand silencingly him. His angel took another breath and stood looking deeply into Dean's eyes. "If Lucifer even had a moments chance to take Sam as his vessel do you think we would be able to stop him once he had control?" His voice was strong, unshaking and it sickenly reminded Dean of the Castiel that had threaten to throw him back in hell. "This world would be over."

Dean shook his head, more to clear the unwelcomed thoughts of Sam looking at him with black eyes. "Castiel you can't kill Sam."

For one moment that determined look in Castiel's eyes wavered but it was gone before any actual doubt could form. "I must."

"No, that's not what I mean." Dean stepped towards Castiel as the angel took a step back and they repeated the process until Castiel had backed himself into a wall and could no longer move away. He slipped his arms around Castiel and dragged the angel close and rested his cheek against Castiel's stubbled one. "I'm not going to let you kill Sam. It should be me."

"You couldn't... I told Gabriel that you couldn't." The resolve was breaking and Dean was glad to see it go. He never wanted to his angel like that again... Like he was less than human, even though Dean knew Castiel was anything _but_ human.

"You need to listen to me. When my father died to save me he told me that if I couldn't save Sam that I had to kill him." Dean took a breath, there were _too_ many terrible memories linked to his father now; he could barely find a pleasant one amongst all the images he had thought up of his father in Hell.

"I know this, I have walked your past many times." Dean was surprised for a moment, not that Castiel had walked his past, but that he had done it more than once. It wasn't a pleasant history to live through once let alone again and again.

"We will talk about that later." Dean said quickly but returned to his whole point of bringing up his Father's death. "I didn't do either and maybe that's why all of this is happening."

"These events were put into motion years before your birth Dean." Castiel tried to comfort him his arms, that had hung limply at his side, came to rest timidly on his hips.

"Don't I know that." Dean tried for light but Castiel's eyes just filled with anguish. "Cas please try to understand this from my side." He caught Castiel's eyes and made him look at him. "I couldn't bare it if you killed Sam and not because it would make me love you any less. I couldn't stand it if I was the reason you had to kill an innocent person."

"Dean I don't want you to have to kill your own brother any more than you want me to kill your brother. I don't want either of us to have to kill Sam." Castiel finally relaxed some what and allowed his head to fall to Dean's shoulder. He may have told Dean he didn't require the same sort of sleep as him but he could tell that his angel was exhausted. "I don't want Sam to die."

"Then we save him." Dean said strongly pulling the angel close and running his hands up and down his back soothingly.

"I should be the strong one." Castiel's voice was laced with self-loathing. "I should be the one telling you we will save Sam not the other way around. What has happen to me?" He was disgusted by the end. He pulled away forcefully and Dean let him go, he even took several steps back to allow the angel room to move. "I hate these emotions." Castiel took several steps away, his fist clenching and unclenching. "I long for a time when I did not second guess myself. I wish I had never been sen---" He'd cut the words off before he could completely finish the thought but the rest were left hanging in the room. It didn't take much to guess what Castiel wished.

It felt as if the bottom had fallen out of his stomach as Dean stood there in the crappy motel room, with the crappy beds, and a crappy chair and all he could hear was, "You wish you never been sent to m--Earth?" Fuck, he couldn't stand the _broken_ sound of his voice, the needy way he almost reached for Castiel before he snatched his hand away and stuffed it into his pocket. Castiel not responding hurt more than if he had deined it. The angel turned from him and for a moment Dean was certain that he was going to leave. "Cas?" He finally whispered.

"I need to go, I'll be back. Rest Dean, the storm should pass in a few hours." He then did blink out of the room leaving Dean alone. This time when Dean picked up and flung his phone at the wall he was sickenly happy that there was no angel to put it back together. He felt the same way as he held his broken right hand in his left gingerly; the smirk on his face short lived. The hole in the crappy wall was satisfying too for a moment.

Dean sat heavily on the bed he had occupied before everything had been turned on it's ear. How could Castiel make claims like that and then just leave him here alone? He could feel tears welling in his eyes and he swiped them away with his undamaged hand.

"My brother can be quite the idiot." The bed dipped and suddenly there was a young black man next to him. "Here let me see that." He took his hand and Dean tried to pull away but the pain stopped him. "My you are stubborn. Let me just," The pain went away and Dean knew his broken fingers were mended. "There! Excellent as good as new. Hmm?" He looked at Dean with a kind smile and bright, happy dark brown, almost black eyes.

"Who are you?" Dean stood quickly and put some distantance between him and the angel. He was so sick and tired of angels. "I'm not in the fucking mood for your head games."

The angel frowned, "Oh my Gabriel had told me you didn't trust easy but... To smite the ones whom have taken your trust and ripped it to pieces." A dark look passed over those even darker eyes for a moment. His eyes turned pleasant again, that same kind smile broke over his face.

"I'm gonna ask yo---"

"Of course, of course. It's been so long since I've actually _interacted_ with humans I've forgotten my manners. I am Raphael." Raphael held out his hand.

Dean looked at it for a long moment before reaching out and taking it, "Dean." He said gruffly.

A delighted smile came to Raphael's face. "Oh who doesn't know who you are but I am not here to discuss who you are or what you _must_ do as it would seem all my other brothers and sisters want to do with you. No I am here to discuss you." Raphael leaned back on his hands and crossed the vessel's short legs at the ankle. It was then that Dean really noticed the vessel, who couldn't have been any older than seventeen and the light blue shirt he wore was covered in blood. "I'm sorry," Dean must have looked a bit horrified. "I did not think about my appearance." Suddenly the clothes were spotless. "My bad." Raphael gestured to the other bed so Dean did the only thing he could think of, he sat down.

"Your bad?"

"Something Toby would say, that's this vessel's name by the way." A small laugh and for a moment Dean didn't think that Raphael was even paying any attention to him. "So many of my kin tend to forget that their vessel is still there inside them. They rarely take time to notice things about them. Considering I just saved poor Toby from the brink of death we've been enjoying getting to know one another. Though unforunately he'll only remember my time with him as a dream or a possible side effect of wrapping his car around a tree. Good news he wont ever think to drink and drive again." Raphael smiled solemnly. "Now if he can only convince his friends too, we might see less young people in heaven before their time. I'm sorry I digress. It happens, my it's been so long." Raphael looked around the dingy motel room like it was a beautiful piece of art work. His eyes snapped back to Dean and they seemed to pin him there. "Now tell me Dean how do you feel?"

"Like every fucking day since I was pulled out of hell has been a shit on Dean as much as you can day." Dean said truthfully. "I've always felt like I was living on borrowed time. Ever since that faith healer and the reaper, it's like every day could--should be my last and it _never_ was. Then I do finally get a hairs-width away from dying, finally. And that was ripped away from me..." Dean trailed off but Raphael made no move to speak or even blink, which was a bit disconcerting. "When I traded my life for Sam's I didn't even question it.." Some where in the back of Dean's mind he wonder why he couldn't shut up. "I was living on borrowed time and headed for Hell anyways."

"You were never headed for Hell Dean." Raphael said gently and reached across the small space and quickly patted his knee before withdrawing and leaning back again. "You aren't now, no matter what Iscah says."

"Iscah?" Dean asked intrigued.

"Oh my," Raphael's gaze flicked away for a moment then it was back on Dean. "I thought he would have discussed all of that with you. It didn't even occure to me that he would keep it to himself." Dean felt that fimilar lump in his thoart at the idea that once again Castiel was keeping things from him. "Well, I wouldn't fear Dean I'm sure it was more due to the fact that you were discussing Samuel than it was that he wanted to keep things from you."

"You can read my mind?" Dean shifted uneasely for a moment.

Raphael let out a deep laugh, "I would never do so without telling you first. No. You are an extremely easy man to read Dean. Maybe not to the normal human or even to your Castiel but for someone like me who not only has watched humanity for over two milliena but also loves humanity in all their strange quirks. You are easy to read." Raphael sighed. "Would you like to go for a walk? It has been too long since I walked the ground of my Father's creation."

"Uh, yeah sure." Dean stood and moved awkwardly to the door.

Outside Raphael threw an arm around Dean's shoulders in comradeship, neither man nor angel bothered by the ran that pelted them. "Tell me about Castiel, how is my brother?"

Anger and hurt surged inside him a moment before that broke and he started to speak quietly. "He's scared, I think, of a lot of things; mostly of making the wrong decision."

"Well it is never easy making a decision after so long of being told what to do." Raphael nudged in when Dean faltered on what else to say. "How about we do this the other way. Tell me about your love for Castiel."

"I don't..." How did you tell a personal space invading, overtly joyful archangel that you _really_ didn't want to discuss your love life with him?

"Oh c'mon. Any thing said is an confidence. My brethren cannot and will not hear anything of this conversation." Raphael withdrew his arm and nudged him in the ribs a bit of a leer on his face. "It's been so long since an angel and human, y'know." Raphael laughed again, "Even Toby is interested in this."

"W-we haven't done any thing like that." Dean could feel the blush spreading across his cheeks. "You're a weird angel."

"I know the others have left something to be desired, but war can do that to you. Like did you know that just as you spent forty years in Hell so did Castiel trying to find you." Raphael shared a private laugh with himself. "He doesn't even understand why he felt so compelled to find your soul. Here on Earth it is the same thing. Each day, week, month the garrison spends here feels like an enterinty. I think anyone subjected to the sands of time as the garrison and yourself have would feel--- drained."

Dean turned his face up to the rain and thought about what Raphael had said. "So what, you were sent here to---give me a pep-talk?"

That soft laugh escaped again but it was accompanied with a sober look. "No, we are all coming down. The demons are planning a co-ordinated attack to take out the few remaining seals. Then there is the matter of Beriah and Samuel." Raphael sighed and for the first time Dean saw a weary look in his eyes. "I'll be staying with Castiel and yourself."

"Why?" Dean didn't see why they needed Raphael when they had Helez and Ekeziel and the other angels that had been helping with the search.

Raphael smiled a small, knowing smile. "I will be best utilized with you." He patted Dean's shoulder and let his hand linger there. "Castiel will be back soon and I shall return shortly. I have matters to discuss with some of my siblings." Raphael took Dean's hand and gave it a strong shake. "Remember Dean he needs you as much as you need him. Your souls sung to each other." Dean could have sworn Raphael's eyes rolled and for a moment he _looked_ like a seventeen year old teenager, but then he let out a deep chuckle. "Teenagers have no understanding of true love." Then he was gone and Dean made his way slowly back to the empty hotel room.

* * *

Whew, okay this chapter was really tough for me (and it isn't even the chapter I said was going to be tough for me in the last AN) I got extreme writer's block about three days ago and at like 530 am yesterday it broke and this was the resulting upchuck. I'm going to be straight with you guys... I don't really like this chapter. I like the second half because I've been planning Raphael, well actually I've been planning him a lot longer then this story. He was in another SPN I wrote that didn't make it to publication. Damn muse went on vacation and then decided to stay there. But I've had him around a while and really like him. Hope you guys do to.

I know it feels like forever since we last saw Sam and I know I left him on a cliffhanger, so rest assured! he'll be back next chapter! Which is actually finally the chapter I thought I was going to have trouble writing but it all just started flowing like crazy and so you should see another update much sooner.

Maybe some of you don't think Dean would open up to seventeen year old looking angel, if it wasn't clear... Raphael wasn't giving him much choice. Subtle ways of an angel... I don't have to explain it. hehe.


	17. Chapter 17

Sam's mind went blank for a moment as Azrael said Ruby's name but he shook himself voilently. "What do you want to know about the knife?"

"Do you know how it works?" There was a haunted sound taking over Azrael's voice and it scared Sam.

"Like the colt but other than that, no I don't really know how it works. I think it has to kill both the vessel and the demon. Works the same way... I kill demons. I guess." Sam said carefully trying to figure out why the angel wanted to know about the knife.

"It kills demons." Azrael paused, "Do you think it would kill the demon forming in you?"

Sam's mouth fell open, "It would have to kill me too." Sam was starting to see why the angel had wanted to know how much he was willing to sacrifice. "I can't kill myself." Sam didn't think he'd ever had much chance at Heaven but this would definitely seal the deal.

"I would never ask you to!" Azrael shouted. "I would do it for you." He said softly.

"No," Sam twisted to look at Azrael. "No way you're... you're like the definition of innocent."

"Just because I'm an angel doesn't mean I haven't done bad things." Azrael answered softly.

"But that doesn't mean you can kill me. Come on Azrael think about it. Could you live with yourself if you took a humans life?" Sam wasn't giving up on this.

"I take human lives everytime I cut a demon down in battle and send their soul back to hell." Azrael spit out. "I too would sacrifice anything to put a stop to this Sam Winchester. Even whatever innocense you think I represent." They were unable to say any more by the presence of Beriah and another angel.

"Hello," Beriah stepped up close to Sam her lips smirking while her eyes danced merrily. "Time for a bit of fun Sammy." She hung a bag of blood and with a smirk still in place, "Wouldn't want you to pass out." She murmured a knife in one hand glinted in the dim light. She traced the tip up his forearm, a breathless chuckle escaped between her lips. "You are so beautiful and once my Brother takes your body you'll be divine." She cut his shirt about half of the way down his chest, her fingers brushed the two sides apart exposing him. Those same fingers danced a trail over his collarbone and skimmed lightly over the tattoo there. "You know I don't think a little, modern ward like this will keep Lucifer out of your body." The knife flashed out and cut deeply over the tattoo, blood pooled quickly to the surface and started running down his chest. "But to be truthful. I'm just looking forward to cutting off your skin."

Sam's teeth clicked shut on the sound of pain that tried to push it's way off his tongue. "Hmm," Beriah tilted her head to the side. It was such a Castiel motion that Sam could feel a laugh bubbling inside him. "This just wont be as fun if you don't scream." She looked at the angel that accompanied her, Sam heard Azrael gasp. "Maybe your shy, would you like to hear Azrael's screams first?"

"Leave Azrael alone!" Sam shouted and started pulling at his bindings ignoring the protest from his left shoulder. "You want me to scream I will, just leave him alone."

Beriah laughed and pushed herself a little closer to Sam, "It's intoxicating this.. Loyality you feel towards him." It took Sam a moment to realize that it wasn't him she was talking to, she was staring over his shoulder watching Azrael. "He'd gladly take your place." Beriah focused on Sam again. "Look at that," There was amazement in Beriah's voice as she ran a finger over the cut she had made. Sam looked down and foud that the blood had already congealed and the skin was beginning to seal. "Amazing," The impressed tone in her voice made Sam a little sick. "You are getting strong." With a look over her shoulder she said the other angel, "We'll have to upgrade the trap again. Too bad we don't have Castiel on our side." She chuckled, "He's always had a knack for Devil Traps." She ran the knife lightly over his skin grinning at the thin red lines that appeared behind her trail. "Well, lets do this then, hm?" Again she glanced at the angel behind her and he stepped forward holding out a paper plate. Beriah straddled Sam as she traced the knife along his exposed chest.

"Just get it over with you twisted bitch." Sam growled between clenched teeth, he couldn't stop the cry of pain this time as she dug the knife under his skin.

"The vessel knows how to do this without too much pain." Beriah murmured in his ear. "Again what would be the fun in that." She was fascinated by the blood that was seeping out of the wounds she was creating. She ran a finger through the crimison liquid and brought it to her nose and sniffed. "It smells like demon." She chuckled.

"You know Lucifer isn't going to be some divine creature." Sam had to distract himself from the pain. "He is going to be hell bent on destroying Earth and everything. What's going to be the point of having Earth to yourselves if it's just going to be burnt to the ground."

Beriah laughed long and loud, her voice could have almost been musical; she looked behind herself at the other angel, his eyes remained bored and distant. "That's what we want. Lucifer will smite Earth to the ground and then we will build it anew." She cut a piece of the tattoo away and threw the skin behind her, it landed on the plate being held out. "Hmm, I wonder I wonder. How deep do I have to cut to make sure I get rid of this blasted thing." She tapped the knife against Sam skin, little pinpricks of blood appearing. "Any suggestions?"

Sam heard a sound from behind him and realized that it was Azrael sobbing, "Stop it Azrael!" He shouted. "Stop right now, don't give her the satisfaction." Sam could hear that the angel tried to choke back the sobs.

Beriah cut another piece of flesh from his chest and tossed it behind her, the angel had to make an effort to catch this one. Sam's vision blackened for a moment before his eyes snapped wide open when she dug the knife a little deeper. "Not nodding off are you?" She nuzzled his neck.

"Beriah do you have to play him?" The angel spoke up, his tone bored.

Beriah sighed and leaned her head against Sam's broad shoulder. "I did not ask you to come Kidron." Her tongue flicked out and tasted the sweat that poured down Sam's body. "Mm, I can see why Castiel has been tempted by your brother if he taste anything like you do."

"Honestly Beriah what is happening to you?" Kidron stepped forward and pulled Beriah off of Sam. "Out of the way." Kidron yanked the knife from Beriah's hand and pushed her away. With expert hands he cut away the few layers of skin that was left before tossing the knife to the floor. Sam's head was swimming with confusion, Beriah was standing behind Kidron looking pissed off.

"I get to burn him." She nearly whinned.

"Burn me?" Sam got out weakly, he could hear Azrael's sharp intake of breath right before another sob escaped.

"Can't let you bleed out all that demon blood, can we?" Kidron sneered but stepped out of the way and Beriah was in front of him with a short metal pole in her hand that had a round flat end to it.

"What?" Sam jerked away his eyes widening as the end became red-hot. "No, no don't...." Beriah pressed it to his skin and Sam blacked out.

When Sam came to he tried to open his eyes and found that they were crusted shut. "Be careful Sam, you were crying." A damp towel wiped gently at his eyes. Azrael's soft voice was right in front of him and he made a more solid effort to force his eyes open. Finally he was able to open them a crack.

"You got loose?" His voice came out barely a rasp, it felt raw.

"Azrael shook his head, "No." He kept his voice soft and when he reached out to touch the clothe to Sam's shoulder the young man jerked violently to get away.

"Ah," Pain shot from his shoulder all the way to his toes. His body started shaking and it made the pain _quake_ through his body. One jolt of pain after another that caused stars to come to his eyes. "Fuck," Sam whimpered. "What---What happen?" He gasped.

Azrael's pale blue eyes looked at him with unfathomable sadness. "You do not remember?"

Sam tried to think and small things came back to him. Azrael and him fighting about who would kill him, Beriah with a knife and the other angel---Kidron. They'd cut away his anti-possession tattoo. Then---oh God then they had cauterized the wound, Sam looked at his shoulder and the sharp in take of breath was followed by Azrael's nearly silent sob.

Sam began struggling in earnest now, "What do you have to cry about, Traitor!?" He shouted the pain fading behing the rage. "You traitor, why else would they let you go!"

"They let me go so I could take care of you." Azrael said softly wiping so gently, so carefully at the wound on his shoulder the actions themselves were enough to convince Sam. The sadness in Azrael's voice just solidified what he should have already known. "Beriah is the only one the barely fears you. No one else will come here. Even with this newest trap." A new trap, that must have been why Sam wasn't healing.

"Let me go," Sam pleaded. "Let me go and together we'll get out of here, I promise."

Azrael shook his head. "I cannot." Tears welled in his eyes.

"I'm powerful enough to destory every demon here." Sam growled, the sound of his voice scared him.

The angel nodded, "I know." He whispered. "Including Ruby. You wouldn't be able to control your power."

Sam gasped, "Ruby." He turned his head tears welling in his own eyes.

"Beriah knows of our plan." Azrael's words barely made it to Sam's ears.

"How?" Sam tried to catch his pale eyes but the angel made all attempts to avoid Sam. "Azrael what did she do to you?" Azrael started sobbing. "Please just talk to me."

"Can I show you?" Azrael's hand hovered at his side, "It would be easier if I could show you." Sam nodded his head and Azrael touched his forehead softly. Images of a passed out Sam filled his head and then there was Beriah standing over Azrael.

_"I know you and Sam have some plan cooking." Beriah leaned down and brushed her hand through Azrael's short hair. "Tell me about it." She smirked.  
_

_"Never," Azrael turned away from her. "I would never tell you anything."  
_

_Beriah chuckled _it sent shivers down Sam's spine_ "Well, I don't have to have you tell me." She pressed her fingers to Azrael's forehead. "Now, you know it hurts more when you struggle." Beriah's face fell into a mask of concentration. "Stop it." She growled. A scream was ripped from Azrael's thoart. "That's better." She smirked. "Ha, the knife? Really, you think that's going to work?" She removed her hand.  
_

_"You can't win." Azrael gasped. "You wont win."  
_

_Beriah ran her hand threw his hair again, "You're so beautiful. I mean in this vessel your beauty pales but..." She smiled. "I'm going to let you go and you are going to take care of Sammy, okay? No funny plans. Sammy's too strong he'll hurt that precious girlfriend of his." Beriah left...  
_

Sam gasped, "She took it from you?"

"It is excrutiating to have your memories taken from you, especially when you are doing everything you can to keep them from being taken." Azrael said quietly.

Sam wished his arms were free so he could comfort the angel. "We're going to get out of the this Azrael. I promised we'll get out of here."

Azrael smiled weakly he didn't look like he really believed Sam's words. Whatever confidence the angel had gained was lost again and Sam couldn't blame him. "Of course Sam." And his words sounded less convinced. "If we do not; it has been an honor to have known you." The angel clasped Sam's bound hand and held it tightly.

Sam smiled, "Same here Azrael. It's been an honor, but we are going to get out of this." Sam squeezed back just as tightly. "You can leave." Sam said after the silence had streched on for sometime.

"I will not leave you." Azrael had been in the middle of changing his dressing and was carefully replacing soiled guaze.

"You could bring the others back."

"I would be just as lost as them if I left. I am not leaving you here." Azrael's hands shook as he placed the guaze across the marred flesh. "I shall stand by your side until my dying breath."

"It wont come to that." Sam said gently and it seemed his hands shook a little less. Sam would make sure it didn't come to that, no matter what happen.

* * *

Sorry folks, techinically this chapter was done two nights ago but I've become a bit obsessed with Mobsters and Pieces of Flair, two apps on MySpace, hehe. Sorry, addicitve games and apps, ah.

I've rarely written anthing like the first part of this chapter and I've never posted what I have. I hope it worked out okay. I know Azrael is like the emotional roller coasters of emotional rollercoasters... maybe him and his vessel aren't handle this well.. who knows.

So if everything goes as plan there should be like two maybe three more chapters and the epilogue. If it's two chapters then this is practically finished because I've hand written the next chapter and would just have to knock out the battle chapter, which I'm also stepping out of my comfort zone on and trying to write from no point of view because I want you all to feel it from everyone. Good and bad guys a like.. so yeah tricky, tricky. And the epilogue has been written out from a while and I was thankfully able to keep the story on track so they would go together in the end. Which I'm very happy for because I like the ending a lot.

Thank you to the wonderful feedback and support this story has gotten!


	18. Chapter 18

Castiel stood in the clearing he first showed his wings to Dean, where they had shared their first kiss. This feeling of nostalgia that was overcoming the angel left him feeling empty, which he did not think was what the particular emotion was supposed to do. He hadn't meant it, this time he truly hadn't meant the terrible words that he had said. There was nothing in Heaven or on Earth that would change that it was him that had found Dean. That he had been chosen to lay seize to Hell with his brethren. There was one thing; one thing that Castiel would have no other way, and that was that it had been him to find Dean in hell. That he had been the one to raise him for perdition. Why then, why had he said what he did?

The angel was disappointed in himself for how weak he had appeared in front of Dean, blubbering like a child. How was he supposed to guide and protect Dean when he questioned himself so much. Castiel's hands clenched into fists at the thought that he couldn't be strong enough to get Dean through this battle and if he couldn't get him through this one how would he get him through any more.

"Fear and doubt are a powerful motivator when it comes to saying things in the heat of the moment." Castiel's eyes snapped to the voice. "Hello brother." Raphael clasped hands with him tightly.

"Raphael."

The archangel grinned, "No need to stand on formality." Raphael waved his hand in dismal of Castiel's stiff pose. "I met your Dean, wonderful young man. Full of life and potential." Castiel was unsure how to respond so he remained quiet. "Castiel," Raphael stepped closer, his eyes soft. "You must not doubt yourself or Dean---"

"I do not doubt Dean." Castiel cut in before he could think of _who _he was cutting off.

"Good!" Raphael clapped his hands together. "Then you need to work on trusting yourself. You will not falter, you will not make the wrong decision." Raphael looked at Castiel with kind eyes.

Castiel looked away unable to look the angel in the eye without feeling unworthy of the praise and confidence that he gave the younger angel. "I do not even understand my purpose any more." Castiel said dispairingly.

"You will though. When the time comes you will not only know what to do but you will succeed at it as well. Castiel you do not fail here on Earth." Castiel could not stop the scoff that escaped his lips. Raphael's answering smile was unexpected but not unpleasant. "You should return to Dean. Remember," The chuckle Raphael released before his next words belied them, "He needs you as mush as you need him, Castiel."

"Raphael can you stay in one place for more than a few flighty minutes." Gabriel and Anna appeared with them in the clearing. "It is tiresome chasing you all around."

"Then you should be faster." Raphael smirked and it only grew as Gabriel looked at him with more disdain.

"Stop encouraging---" Gabriel began but was quickly cut off.

"It's not hurting anything or changing destiny." Raphael leveled a look on Gabriel that dared him to argue. Between Raphael's words and Gabriel's reactions it occurred to Castiel that his superiors knew much more than they allowed anyone else to know. He would suspect that they even might know the outcome of this war.

Gabriel huffed, "You're giving too much away." Castiel watched as the two brothers squared off to each other and he thought for a moment that they may even come to blows.

"Techinically," Anna started not deterred by the sharp look Gabriel sent her. "Raphael is only guiding Castiel." It's the first time Castiel has seen Anna falter since that damned night she return. The ever present smile on her face wanes for a brief moment, but as quickly as it happens it's gone. It's different then how she reacted after the meeting, there she had kept the air of being his superior, here she was stuck in the middle of two brothers arguing. "It would be safe in assuming that Raphael's guidance is as much needed as Castiel's guidance to Dean." She chooses her words so carefully that Castiel knows that she is trying to please both of her brothers.

Words that Helez spoke to Dean, words that the angel had not kept from Castiel came to him. All of Castiel's trust in Helez came from his inability to hide his thoughts from the garrison. Any idea, thought, simple musing that passed the angel's mind was open for all the brethren.

Gabriel had basically put his own trust on the line to get Anna back in the hierarchy of angel; he realized that Anna wasn't following Gabriel around, his sister had a signal-mindness about her she would not stop her hunt for traitors for any one reason. She was being watched by Gabriel; her trust had to be re-earned and the archangels were not going to make it easy on her.

"See?" Raphael said pleasantly, for a moment his entire being turned inward and with a soft laugh and equally soft, "Very true." He was back looking at Gabriel with a bemused look. Who couldn't have looked more disproved, "What now brother?" Even though from the grin on not only his face but in his voice it was obvious the jovial angel knew what was bothering Gabriel now.

"It's disturbing the bond you form with vessels'." Gabriel said with disdain.

For the first time Raphael frowned, the look out of place on the young vessel's features. It held milliena of knowledge, "It is possible that if you took the time to know your vessel you'd find that not all Humanity are vile creatures." The words effect Castiel and for a moment he wonders if he could benefit from knowing his vessel. He realizes with a start that besides the vessel calling for salvation he knows nothing about the man who's life he over took.

"You saved that child from a road of self-destruction. Without your intervention he would have likely died, if not in that crash another." Gabriel snapped, it seemed that Raphael had touched on a spot most sore for the other archangel. "Those who pray for salvation rarely deserve it."

Raphael shook his head sadly, "Brother all deserve salvation."

For the first time Gabriel's sharp gaze landed on Castiel, who had watched silently almost afraid that his superiors would smite him for witnessing such a fiery exchange of words. "Return to your charge. Stop whining and prepare yourself for battle."

Castiel did not have to hear the order twice, he was gone. He appeared beside Dean, "Raphael came to see you." He wasted no time in stating that he knew the archangel had come to visit Dean.

"Fuck," Dean shot up from the bed. "Cas, don't do that!"

Castiel averted his eyes nearly burning a hole in the wall in his fight not to look Dean in the eye until he could convey with one look how deeply sorry he was and how much regret for his words he felt. "I should have not left you like that." He said softly.

"Yeah," Dean sat back down close enough that his shoulder and knee brushed against Castiel. It reassured the angel in a way that words could not, his charge still wanted to be near him, still wanted him. Him. He had had to call upon self control he had not exhibited in so much time that he had thought it was gone to stop the blush from spreading across his cheeks when he had seen the conversation Dean and Helez had shared about who it was Dean was attracted to.

Castiel finally turned to look at Dean and the young man did the same, they sat for a long moment just staring into each others eyes and Castiel could only hope that his were saying what he desperately needed them to say. He tried to put the words together that would take away his charges pain. Pain that he had caused. "Dean," He trailed off still so unsure. A sigh escaped.

"Raphael is pretty cool." Dean said after some time when it had become apparent that Castiel was not going to be able to say what he needed to. Dean's fingers brushed along the outside of Castiel's thigh right above where their legs were pressed together. It was small contact like that that assured Castiel even farther that even though he could not get the words to come out, Dean still knew in his heart what the angel so desperately was trying to say. "Definitely a lot different than the other angel's I've met."

Castiel sighed again, "Raphael allows his emotions to rule him. He sympathizes with humans on many levels." The archangel had barely lifted an eyebrow at the chastising Gabriel had given him for interacting with his vessel, for believing in the good of humanity.

Dean shrugged, "Doesn't seem like a bad thing." He said quietly and too late Castiel realized his words sounded as if he too felt that it was a disgraceful thing to allow a vessel to affect an angel like that.

Castiel hung his head, unable to hide the shame he felt, "I cannot seem to say anything that does not come out sounding cold."

Dean knocked his shoulder bringing Castiel's attention back to his charges face. "Don't sweat it." The simple words should not have caused Castiel's heart to sore like they did but sore it did.

Castiel rested his hand gently against Dean's cheek and brought the man close, with a soft kiss to his lips he rested his forehead against that of his charges. "We need rest. Tomorrow we fight and you will be exhausted." Dean nodded in agreement to Castiel's soft words. They laid down with Castiel resting against the pillows and Dean using the angel as one, he kept his arms tight around Dean almost afraid that the man would disappear on him. Dean held him just as tightly one hand holding his hip while the other curled between their bodies.

"I did not mean what I said Dean. There is nothing in this world that could keep me from you." Castiel said softly kissing Dean's temple. "I would fall for you."

Dean's hand tighten where it held his hip. "Don't say things like that." Dean looked at him, a small flicker of fear flashing in his eyes. "I need you just the way you are."

Castiel embraced him tightly, "I understand." Even though he was sure that he didn't; why wouldn't Dean want him human, like him.

Dean knew though that Castiel felt some confusion. "Is Anna the same from the time she fell to now?"

"No."

"See," Those emerald eyes bore deeply into Castiel's own, looking to his soul it seemed. "I don't want to lose _you_ Castiel. You're the most important person in my life."

The words choked Castiel and caused his arms to tighten on the young man. "You will never lose me Dean. I am yours."

"Ah-Cas can't breath man." He released Dean quickly as the man took several deep breathes. Castiel felt ashamed for not noticing that he was holding his charge too tightly.

"I am sorry," He wished he could hide some of the anguish he felt; his charge should not have to see his own weakness any more.

Dean shrugged best he could in his position and smiled widely. "It feels good." Dean kissed the bit of exposed skin right above his collar. "Castiel, I love you. Remember that tomorrow. No matter what."

"I love you too Dean. Remember that." Castiel sighed, "Honestly you must get rest." Castiel lifted his hand and brought it towards Dean's forehead.

"Now, don't yo---" Dean fell silent as Castiel gently touched his fingers to Dean's forehead. Castiel smiled knowing he should get his own rest but content with watching Dean sleep. Tomorrow was going to be a new day for Castiel; tomorrow he was going to be strong and brave and when the time came he would know what to do. It was already written.

* * *

There isn't going to be a lot of fanfare with this chapter. I know it's a disappointment. I just needed to get pass Dean and Castiel having a reunion and all that jazz so I could do these finally chapters of fighting.

Thank you to all the mad support it's really kept this story alive.


	19. Chapter 19

When they woke up the next morning they found Raphael sitting on the other bed. Dean wouldn't have known that it was Raphael if it hadn't been for the content and amused look on the beautiful face. Castiel only nodded to his superior barely a twitch to his facial features. "What happen to the kid?" Dean stretched his arms above his head and tried not to make his ogling obvious as he looked Raphael's new vessel over. Dark brown hair bounced on her shoulder as she laughed and the hazel eyes _smirked_ when Dean finally realized what he was doing. He was checking out Raphael. Castiel made an odd noise that Dean was certain was a laugh, covering his mouth and trying to turn it into a cough.

"Sorry," Castiel smiled at Dean and the man didn't feel too bad.

"Toby's parents were sick with fear; I couldn't justify keeping him away from them." Raphael smiled and Dean had to avert his eyes. "Close your mouth Dean Winchester. I think the saying is 'you're catching flies.'"

Dean's eyes snapped away from the soft feminine form and landed on Castiel. Who for his own part was only watching the exchange with an amused smile; not the least bit concerned. He had a feeling Raphael was being purposeful difficult; he could also glimpse from Raphael that this woman had needed to be saved. Raphael chose his vessels' strangely. Castiel also knew who Dean loved and would always love. The thought brought pleasant feelings to the angel, he wished he could share them with Dean.

"You bring news?" It had been the first thing Castiel heard upon waking was the excited chatter of his kin.

"Helez worked diligently through the storm.." Raphael trailed off a smile coming to his lips as Helez and Ekeziel appeared in the room.

"Are you trying to steal my thunder?" It was uncharacteristically jubilant for the angel, towards an archangel no less. The light in his eyes, the smile splitting his face wide open made the giant child-like. Helez turned to Castiel and Dean and clapped a large paw onto both of their shoulders; Castiel barely flinched but Dean nearly crumpled to his feet. "Oh-I'm sorry Brother." Helez wrapped that large hand around Dean's bicep holding him as gently as if he were made of glass.

"Tell them your news." Ekeziel used his as always bored tone but to any of the warriors it was obvious on his usually stoic face that he was giddy with the same pent up energy that Helez was displaying. They were both prepared for the battle.

"I have found Beriah and her horde of traitorous kin and scum demons." The proud smile could not be outshined.

"Really, thats awesome!" Dean clapped Helez's rock-solid arm. "Why the hell are you standing here?"

Raphael stood gracefully and flicked the television off. "This is your battle to lead Dean. We follow your command." Dean swallowed thickly. It wasn't everyday you were give a platoon of angel soldiers. Including his own freaking archangel.

"Uh-What?" Dean looked to Castiel but all he offered was an encouraging smile and pride in his eyes that warmed Dean. The angel had expected as much. "Then what the-- Let's get out of here."

* * *

Azrael's head snapped up and tilted to the side, a look of concentration over came his facial features and his eyes screwed shut. "What is it?" Sam barely breathed. The angel had been silent after their brief exchange earlier, he only looked at Sam when he was cleaning his dressing and even then their eyes did not meet. If Sam asked him a question he would answer with a grunt or shrug. It had taken some time but Sam realized Azrael was praying. "Azrael?" He whispered.

Azrael's head bent forward a bit and his face screwed even farther into one of concentration. "I can hear them." He breathed, "I can hear my kin." He threw himself at Sam, gripping his bounded arms tightly. The look in his eyes determined and for the first time in hours he did not look defeated. "They approach." He wound his arms around him, chair and all and hugged him fiercily.

"Let me go Azrael." Sam could feel his blood pumping hotly through his veins. "Let me go their gonna need my help."

Azrael slowly shook his head no, "I cannot risk it." He had made a promise to himself that he would stand by Sam and protect him until his bloody end but he was not going to allow the gentle human to harm those they cared about.

"They _need_ me damn it. They need me!" He bellowed pulling at his binding. "You chicken-shit angel let me go!" Even as the words poured from Sam's mouth his eyes filled with horror at what he was saying. "Azrael-shit I'm sorry---" His words were silenced by a gentle hand to his undamaged shoulder.

"Calm yourself Brother." Azrael said gently his eyes burning into Sam's, "Calm yourself." Azrael did not fear his reaction, he'd remained quiet as he slowly watched the darkness grow inside the boy but had been confident that Sam would not lose his humanity. Even as the wayward boy had spit at him in anger he could see light behind that darkness and it refused to be extinguished.

Sam tired to take deep breathes and remain calm but even as he did he could still feel the hate burning through his blood. His angel had promised to stay by his side. "I still promise to stay by your side." Azrael said softly.

"Stay out my head angel!" Sam hissed even as he tired to stop himself.

Azrael smiled softly and let his hand drop to Sam's, "Your mind has been open for quite some time to me." Azrael started slowly changing the dressing. "You want me to see your thoughts." Sam stopped struggling at his bindings, his mind was torn between ripping the angel apart and getting them both safely out of there.

"Really," For a brief moment he felt himself again, the rage poured out of him and left him feeling drained.

Azrael's hand hovered over the marred flesh, he had prayed for the strength to heal it but they had gone unanswered in this pit of hell. "Since my sister," He spit the word from his mouth appalled at himself for still considering her such. "First cut your skin." His voice came out merely a whisper. "Hang in there Sam, we shall be free of this Hell soon." Azrael had never spoken words he believed so true. One way or another Sam and Azrael were leaving this place.

* * *

Helez, Ekeziel and the other angels stood at attention prepared to absorb ever word their superior readied to say to them. Their attention was not focused on Raphael or Castiel as would be expected of them, but instead on Dean Winchester. Nothing more than a mud-monkey to most of them but as he stood before them they saw a warrior. A leader before them eyes hard, back straight, shoulders squared; knives and guns, little use most would be, hung from his as a second shield. The first being the superior who stood next to Dean, as tall and strong.

Dean watched the angels in front of him eyes calculating he wondered if any of them were double agents, the term almost made him want to chuckle. He wondered if any of them would turn against them in the midst of battle. He did not see it in their eyes, there were angels prepared to _die_ to stop this world from ending. He felt strong, brave standing there in front of _his_ angels with Castiel at his side a rock in this turbulent storm.

"I'm not going to make some assaine speech." Dean was unaware of how many angels were listening to these words with rapt attention. "You all know why we're here, what we've got to do." Dean hadn't known what he was going to say when he opened his mouth to speak. "I can't inspire you any more than the faith you already have." He looked to Castiel who's eyes were locked on Dean. His words brought a battle cry to the garrison as they fought their own battles. "No one touches my brother." There wasn't an angel in the unit that would disobey that order. "If Sam dies it's by my hand." And not one of them thought that statement was for anyone but their superior.

Raphael looked at Dean proud of the man that stood before him; like no other soul he'd ever seen Dean had picked up his destiny and met it full force. As Castiel spoke strategy with the other angels, Dean still unsure of their particular abilities, Raphael approached the man. "Dean," He said softly, when he had chosen the vessel he'd been unaware that it would cause the young man so much difficulty. Even though Toby had warned him that a guy like Dean wouldn't be able to resist a pretty face. He'd thought the boy was kidding him.

Dean had been staring at his shoes resisting the urge to check his guns _again_. "Yeah?" He startled out of his thoughts. He disliked Raphael's attractive vessel more than he had disliked meeting Gabriel in a prom dress. Toby had been humorous; Sarah, as he found out, was sultry smiles and swinging hips. The worst part was that Dean wasn't sure if Raphael was doing it on purpose or not. He really hoped it was the latter because it was just getting _freaky_.

"I have a gift for you." Raphael smiled and reached into the pocket of his coat, a gift from Toby. He placed the centuries old gun in Dean's hand.

"The colt," He breathed. "But how?"

Raphael smirked gleefully and Dean's heart skipped a beat; it was the first time he's seen Raphael look---malicious. "I took it from Lilth as she cowered and pissed herself with fear." The words shook Dean, Castiel, the group of angels and the entire garrison that had been holding on to ever word spoken. Even as many fought for their own lives on their own battle fields they had listened with steely attention.

"Lilth's dead?" Dean asked with disbelief. The idea that the demon that had haunted his nightmares as much as hell had was finally dead lifted something from Dean's shoulders.

Raphael was almost loathed to tell Dean otherwise but he would not lie to this man. "No, Lilth's death lies with another man's destiny." Dean wanted to feel sinking fear but could not when he realized that Raphael meant him.

"Oh," Was the only response he could muster.

"Focus Dean." Castiel said softly suddenly behind the eldest Winchester. "There will be time for Lilth another day." He wrapped his strong arms around his charge mindful not to apply too much pressure. Still shaken from last nights near suffocation. He pulled the man flush with his body and placed a comforting kiss on his jaw.

"Not exactly helpful if you're trying to get me to focus." Both embarrassed and aroused by Castiel's actions. He stepped back leaving Dean relieved and cold at the same time. "Okay," Dean looked in the distance where Beriah was with his baby brothers. "I guess this is it."

* * *

Sam focused on the prayers that Azrael said softly but strongly, some of them Sam had never even heard before and were in languages that he had a hard time pronouncing but it kept him calm and the feeling of his blood boiling in his veins lessened. "Sam," He was in front of Sam. "Don't let it consume you." Azrael's eyes flicked to the IV that still dripped blood into Sam's body. In a show of defiance, damn Beriah to her deep pit of hell, he deftly removed the needle from Sam's arm.

"Azrael?" Sam blinked watching as Azrael picked up the forgotten knife. "What are you..?"

The angel grimaced but sliced Sam's wrists his eyes stung and the angel blinked the tears away. He was tired of being weak, of sobbing and breaking so easily. His brothers would mock him if they saw him now; they would have been strong and withheld against Beriah's torture. Azrael massaged the blood from the shallow cuts.

"You're not pathetic." Sam had startled to hear the angel's voice in his head. "You're extremely strong and if it hadn't been for you I wouldn't haven't made it this far." Azrael hung his head but it was more to hide the hot flush on his face at the praise.

"Let me loose. I have enough control not to use my power but I'm strong other ways." Sam kept his voice soft and even he needed Azrael to believe him because if the angel believed then Sam believed. He needed that thought to get across.

Azrael stuck out a hand, "Together?"

"I don't want to leave here any other way." Sam grasped Azrael's hand and held it tightly.

* * *

Beriah frowned staring at the flames as they crackled and made their slow way up the she-demon's legs. The bitch didn't cry out any more only hung there with her chin resting against his chest, breathing hard panting breathes. She was bored, she motioned for the demon to take her out of the fire and allow her to heal. The burns were only bad where the holy water had already been on her skin, its own special sizzle adding to the fires. Kidron approached her from behind frowning for different reasons as the she-demon withered in pain whenever the demon splashed her with holy water. His sister's mindless violence confused him; he could not understand her _want_ of it.

"They've found us?" Beriah shifted so her eyes could land on Kidron.

The angel nodded, "It was inevitable." She grinned manically and he could not understand again the superior's choice in this leader. Beriah's grace was twisting and the darkness forming inside her was havoc. Lucifer would do all a favor in doing away with her as quickly as possible.

She laughed and it sent a shiver down Kidron's spine. "You should watch your thoughts." That smirk turned on him and Beriah flicked her tongue along her upper lip; disappointed but not surprised when Kidron did not react. She turned her attention on her demon companion and the demon grinned lechrously.

"Beriah!" Kidron's patience was running thin with his sister's sinful actions. "The elder Winchester has an arsenal of our brethren at his disposal. We merely have a dozen and the demons that disgraceful Lilth gave us have all but a handful been banished back to hell, by you!" Kidron had to make her see reason. "This is a battle we _cannot_ win. Do you not see that? We must flee with the vessel an---"

"And miss this fight?" Beriah laughed, "I think not. Anyways this is where we need to perform the final sacrifice."

"We would take Azrael with us. We will lo---" Kidron's words were cut off by blinding pain erupting through out his body.

"I make the orders around here." Beriah sighed, "Why isn't this fun anymore?" She stopped inflicting pain upon Kidron and turned to her demon. "Come." She motioned for him to leave the she-demon on the floor and left the room with him diligently following.

Ruby looked at Kidron her vision blurred by the blood that had long ago run into her eyes and clouded it. "Do you still want Lucifer's utopia?" She smirked even as it pulled on her holy water-infected cuts. "You think Beriah is twisted," A breathless chuckle escaped. "Wait until you see some of the other demons locked away in Hell."

The angel grunted and raised himself back to both feet before approaching the broken demon. "I'm going to enjoy sending you back to Hell." A smirk of his own crossing his lips, but a thought hammered in the back of his mind that she was not completely wrong. He wasn't sure if he wanted Lucifer's utopia any longer.

* * *

I know such a terrible place to end it but I want the next part to flow right so I gotta post like this. So how did you guys like it? I'm nervous never written like this before. I usually do third-limited... so yeah feedback would be awesome. I hope to finish this story before Thursdays new episode, so here's to getting that done. *fingers crossed*

Thank you to all the awesome support for this story!


	20. Chapter 20

"How do we do this, just barge in?" Dean stood close to Castiel who it seemed to be taking it upon himself to be his shield. Dean didn't move far without the angel close behind. Helez nodded enthusiastically at the prospect of tearing down doors.

"It wont be that simple," Ekeziel drawled. "Beriah may not have put wards up to keep us out but she put up numerous ones to keep you out. We'll have have to break them down first."

"I don't get it." Dean turned to Castiel, "Why wouldn't she put up some sort of 'keep out' wards?" Dean bristled at the amused look Castiel gave him. "What?"

"Their angels as well," Castiel smiled and ran a soothing hand up Dean's arm. He could feel Dean's annoyance.

Dean quickly changed the subject. "Can you feel Azrael, is he okay?" Dean really wanted to ask about him brother but was afraid of the response that would bring.

"Vague impressions, I believe that he is more aware of us than we are of him." Castiel frowned his own words confused him.

Dean started rubbing at his temples, it was the worst time but he could feel a headache beginning and the lack of sleep was catching up to him. "What does that mean?"

"It means that Beriah wants Azrael to be aware that we are here but does not want Azrael able to tell us anything." Raphael said coldly his beautiful features dark. "It's not enough for her to spill the blood of an angel she wants to drive him to the point of breaking and then bring his hope just in reach. Then-" Raphael trailed off hazel eyes dark and guarded. "It's the final sacrifice, spill the blood of a celestial being."

"What?" Dean feels sick ar the idea of Azrael being killed. Sweet, innocent child-like angel Azrael. "Not him."

"It's not going to happen." Castiel looks just as sick as Dean feels and he had to wonder why the superiors wouldn't feel that these sort of things were a need to know. His hand seeks Dean's and holds it tightly.

Dean looked at Raphael, "Do you know that?"

Raphael smiled sadly, "We know much but with a battle like this.." Raphael stepped closer to Dean and grasped his shoulder solidly, confusing when the grip came from such a petite form. "Even our Father would not assume everything is writ in stone."

Dean tried to smile but it came out more a grimace, the terrible sinking feeling that this was too much bigger than him was flowing back into his body. He looks to his angels, the ones expecting him to lead them into this battle and feels strength returning. They were faster, stronger hell they could do things that Dean could only dream about but for today, this moment they were looking to him and he needed to be strong. He could not deign that.

* * *

"What are you doing?" Azrael's body was snatched away from Sam as the angel had begun to loosen the first restraint. The angel landed with a thud, "Stupid little angel. Did you really think disobeying me wouldn't have it's consequences?"

Azrael rose slowly to his feet gasping in pain, the familiar feel of his ribs being broken was surprising and terrifying as he tried and failed to heal them. "What have you done?"

"Neat, huh?" Beriah chuckled. "Makes us vulnerable in here." She gestured widely with her arms and light flooded the room. Across the ceiling and along the top of the wall were hundreds of neatly drawn symbols and wards. Sam could not recognize them and Azrael gasped.

"How did you learn this?"

Beriah waved the question away, "All in due time." Azrael tried to move closer to Sam. "Hmhn," She wiggled her finger at him. "One more step and that body of yours wont get up a second time." He stopped in his tracks.

Sam growled low in his throat, "When I get loose," He tugged violently at his bindings.

"You'll what Sammy, rip me apart?" Beriah moved closer to the young man. "This vessel hopes you do. She can barely live with herself after all that things I did to your precious _Ruby_." She practically purred the demons name. A wicked grin spread across her face. "Doesn't matter I guess. Who knows what my brother did to her."

Sam reeled back as what she said sunk in. "If you did--"

"Sam!" Azrael shouted earning his attention. "Remember yourself."

Beriah chuckled, "How amusing. You are trying to help him keep his humanity. Azrael you are so cute." Beriah's face twisted with annoyance. "I don't have much more time and there was so much I wanted you to know Sammy." She tapped her chin thoughtfully wanting to find that most damaging revelation. "Heh, you know I knew your Daddy and not that damnable John Winchester. Azazel is the one who taught me," Her gaze flicked to the ceiling. "I was the first to be sent down by my superior. Long before the _garrison_," She rolled her eyes, "came down to rescue that pathetic brother of yours." The words had the desired affect, Sam was filling with uncontrollable rage at the mention of Azazel.

Azrael fell to his knees, "How long has this been being planned?" The anguish in his voice and face is more act than real but there is a part of the angel that feels true sickness at the idea that his brethren, a superior has been working with the demons for much longer than Uriel's deceit.

"Much longer than any of them think." Beriah's eyes never left Sam and Azrael took the chance of destroying enough of the Devil's Trap to release Sam.

_"Still yourself Sam, you are free of the trap."_ Azrael watched as Sam's eyes flickered for just a moment to him but then they were back on Beriah who was still speaking of achievements.

"Brother's!" Beriah called and the room was filled with angels and demons alike. "Prepare, our Brother Lucifer rises today!"

* * *

Raphael watched the lovers, nearly giggling at the thought, he suspected that was Sarah's influence. They were confident and strong together and tears stung at his eyes when he thought of the different outcomes of this battle. The possiblities of Dean dying, of Castiel dying in Azrael's place, of Sam perishing an- Raphael cuts those thoughts short knowing no good will come of thinking about the possible futures and not focusing on the present. So much deceit was crushing on the archangel; he knew rightly that he could not give too much away, but the idea of not warning them. It's not any celestial being that's blood must be splilt. It is the blood of an angel that has formed a bond not only with their vessel but with the humans they come in contact with. Chance, fate maybe made it possible for Beriah to not only have the angel that she needed; kind-hearted Azrael but Samuel also. A human that Azrael would feel a must to save.

Darker thoughts still were of his conversation with Michael before descending to Earth; his brother had had not a word of confidence that Sam would survive this fight. He knew that Michael was wrong, because there just did not seem to be any other way for Dean to go on. Without Castiel and Sam at his side he would fall back into the despair that had threaten to tear him apart.

"We are ready." Ekeziel said softly to Raphael his own eyes watching the couple but they were darker, nearly hate-filled.

"Tell Dean, not I." Raphael responded and Ekeziel began to turn away when his arm was caught by Raphael's hand. "You should take a moment to think about who Dean is and I do not mean as some Savior.. I mean as a man."

Ekeziel stiffened at the words but did not say anything else. As he approached Castiel and Dean he could felt the familiar disdain at seeing his brother reduced to nothing more than the plaything to some Mud-monkey, but he remembered his superiors words. He tried to think of Dean Winchester, the man and not Dean Winchester, the First Seal. "We are ready Dean Winchester."

"Great," Dean turned to him a fierce fire in his eyes that caused Ekeziel to step back. "Finally. Show, road. Let's go!" Like a warrior he had the attention of their small unit, all eyes on him ready for to follow him into battle.

He thought maybe he understood it now. Dean was like every devoted kin that had fallen in battle. A man, plain and simple, ready to die to save their respective brothers. "Dean I.." When he opened his mouth he hadn't been sure what exactly he was going to say, but he knew that he had to say something to the man.

"Tell me after, Ekeziel." The knowing look should have enraged him but now-

"After then." He said softly following the duo across the field, he prayed that there would be an after.

* * *

I know this chapter is disappointingly short but I wanted more than a line break between this and the next part. But the other part is writtenand _will_ be up by the days end.

I want to, as always because I compeletly *heart* every single one of you, thank you!


	21. Chapter 21

Beriah stepped closer to Sam and for a moment the idea of breaking through his restraints and snapping her neck is too over whelming. Deep ragged breathes push through his lips, nostrils flaring as he tried to get a hold of himself and for one terrifying moment he was certain that he had actually done it. The horrified look on Azrael's face enough to convince him before he realized that it was because the angel had seen what he thought.

"You two are keeping secrets again." She hissed, Azrael stumbled back as one of his brethren advanced on him. "Tsk, tsk." She mumbled, Beriah jerked her head to the side, a feeling of dizziness over taking her. "What-- Raphael."

Sam jerked as an angel appeared next to him, the small movement was enough to cause the restraints to snap; he was up and at Azrael's side throwing the angel that had been about to attack him to the side. The sickening _crack_ as the body connected with the wall made the small angel shudder. "You do not leave my side." Sam jerked Azrael so that he was some what behind him.

"I am not some chi--" Azrael's words were swallowed as he was forced to block an attack from a demon. Three came at them at once, two taking Sam, who gleefully smiled after being strapped to the chair for hours and having only the thought of tearing apart the demons that had pumped him full of blood. He grabbed a small, lithe man by the wrist and spun him around until he heard the bone snap. The cry of pain was more startled than hurt.

"Didn't see that coming did you?" Sam growled in his ear before twisting the arm behind his back and throwing him against the ground.

"Sam!" Sam's head snapped up at the familiar sound of his brothers voice.

"Dean," The room had become filled with angels and demons, but he could just see his brother amongst the hordes. "The angels can get hurt here!" It wasn't a needed statement. Both traitors and loyal brothers alike were awestruck as they attacked each other and found that every bone-crushing blow really crushed the bones of their foes and were not healed immediately.

Castiel suffered a blow that sent him reeling back towards the entrance that they had come through. He couldn't believe the pain as it exploded along his ribcage; there was a sharp sensation in his chest but he chose to ignore it as he attacked the traitor back. His fist connecting with that of the others face not only broke their nose but he felt a few of his own fingers snap. Amongst the now piling pain he heard Sam's words and the recognition of some of the symbols above him.

"Be careful." Dean growled in his ear before taking off into the mass of bodies a determined look set across his face to get to his brother before anyone else. Dean had thought he wouldn't be able to tell the difference between angel and demon but thankfully it seemed that the demons were easy to see. He barely registered Castiel's call for him to wait. He didn't have the time, he needed to get to his brother before any of the angels on his team decided to take matters into their own hands.

"Dean Winchester," A demon stepped in front of him. "This is going to be sweet revenge." Dean didn't know who the demon was, didn't particularly care. He raised the colt and only had a brief satisfaction as the demons eyes widen in horror before he took his shot and the demon was burned to death.

"Screw your revenge." An elbow caught him in the side and for a moment all he could see were stars as the pain exploded along his body. "Shit." There went two or three ribs.

"Trying to get to your brother?" A voice hissed in his ear before he was yanked back against a hard body. "Want to say your last goodbye." A knife was at his throat and he was thankful that it seemed these guys were in a mood to gloat before they did away with someone. Otherwise he would have seen Helez behind him, the giant grabbed the angel and threw him away from Dean.

"Go!" Helez shouted at the man before advancing on his brother. "It sickens me.." Helez whispered as he crushed the fist that the angel tried to hit him with. "That I once called you Brother." The wrist snapped and Helez quickly tossed the angel aside before turning to protect his loyal kin.

"Beriah what happen?" Raphael circled the woman slowly, at first he had been momentarily blinded by the evil that poured off her soul. He could not believe that one had twisted their grace so far as to start turning demon before they even fell. "How did this happen to you?"

Beriah grinned wickedly, "You're going to try and make me see reason." She laughed and it was enough to send chills down the archangels spine. "You, Raphael who chooses vessels on their need to be healed rather than their need to be saved. I can see it you know. That that vessel was supposed to die and you changed fate to give her a chance to say goodbye to her family." She threw her first attack and was pleased when she actually caught her brother in the side and caused him to double over a moment before he picked himself back up.

Raphael held his side gingerly, the pain a lot harsher to bare than he could have ever imagined. No vessel in his entire existence had felt pain like the blow he had just received. Not even Toby as he laid on that black asphalt dying. "Healing someone is not a sin."

"No," She grabbed his open arm and pulled him close to her body. "But allowing these self-satisfying Meatbags to destroy what should have been our home is!"

Raphael cried out in pain as the vessel too weeps at their injuries. "We live in Heaven with our Father. That should be enough." Even through the pain Raphael felt a responsibility to Beriah to try and save her.

"You pathetic excuse of an angel. Don't you feel that?" She rubbed her body against his vessels', "We should be able to expeirence the sort of bliss they do. We should have the free will they have."

"Aren't you proof enough of free will?" He panted from his injuries, the body did not react to Beriah's advances like the insane angel had hoped. "Isn't this battle proof enough?"

Beriah laughed, "I'm only following orders Raphael. Have you not once," She snapped his arm breaking it in half, "Thought _who is the traitor_ amongst the archangels?" Raphael choked on a scream as the pain shot its way through his arm down all the way to his toes.

Ekeziel eyes only sought for Azrael's; the young angel had been his responsibilty. He had been give the young one, like a charge, and he had failed miserably at protecting him. They landed on him as Azrael punched an attacking demon square in the jaw sending the vile abomination spiraling back. A victory cry rose in him as Azrael looked at the demon with steely eyes. His eyes fell on the body of Sam Winchester and the darkness that poured from the young man almost had him stumbling back. He pushed and clawed his way through the bodies until he was with them.

"Ekeziel!" Azrael shouted and launched himself at the angel. With one touch to his mind Ekeziel did not only witness all the horror that Azrael had been forced to endure but he saw what the two had planned.

"You cannot kill Sam Winchester." He said, surprised by his breathlessness. "Dean wants to save him."

"It's too late for that." The sudden fear in Azrael's eyes at Sam's words surprise Ekeziel. "I'm having trouble Azrael. You have to get the knife." With a look Ekeziel nodded at Azrael and moved swiftly to Dean's side.

Dean could see his brother but it felt like every step closer was actually two back since he was consistently being jostled by the throng of bodies. Between the angels who, good or bad, could break a rib without even realizing it and demons that wanted their piece of Dean Winchester. Suddenly the bodies began parting from the direction of Sam.

"Dean I need the knife." Ekeziel demanded hand out and Dean didn't even question it as he handed it over, before he really processed what was happening the angel handed the knife over to Azrael.

The boy, angel, Dean had to remind himself harshly took the blade with ease and turned to Sam. "What the--?" Before Dean could finish his statement Azrael pressed Ruby's knife to Sam's throat and slashed across it roughly. "NO!" Blinding light engulfed the room.

Beriah was thrown to the side by Kidron. He stood over her a blade in his hand, "Your insanity has cost us this battle, your filthy mind and sinful acts have prevented us from rising our brother." He spit on her. "You're going to burn in hell." He fell on her body and began to stab at her viciously, his own branch of madness showing through.

Raphael grabbed Kidron roughly by the shoulders, "Stop Brother!" He shouted twisting the weapon from his hands and tossing it aside. "Stop," He pleaded. Kidron turned to Raphael and with sad, anguished eyes he scrambled for the discarded knife and before Raphael could stop him Kidron slashed his own throat.

"I don't not wish to see this outcome." He gurgled before slumping to the ground. The blinding light startled all of the battles occupants at the same time Raphael heard Dean's anguished shout.

"Go to them quickly!" Michael's sudden appearance nearly startled Raphael. "Now Raphael!" Michael gently picked up Beriah's body and that of two other fallen comrades before he disappeared. Raphael wasted no more time he was at Dean's side in seconds standing over the heartbreaking scene.

Dean held Sam in his arms as he took his last few shallow breathes. "Hold on Sammy," He tried to gather more of his little brother into his arms but he could not. "Hold on."

"Don't-" Sam coughed splattering blood on his shirt.

"Stop," Dean pleaded uncaring that tears poured down his face. "Please just---"

"Don't blame Azrael," Sam shut his eyes and a little smile graced his lips. "Love you, jerk." Sam whispered.

"Ha," Dean sobbed. "Love you too, bitch."

Raphael knelt next to the brothers and gently started to take Sam from Dean who held onto his little brother with all the strength he had left in him. "Give me Sam," He said softly. "I'll take him to safety." Raphael had to forcefully take the boy from Dean's arms but with the tentative help of Ekeziel and Azrael it was made easier.

Dean sat there crumpled on the floor unbelieving that his Sammy was dead, and this time there probably wasn-His stomach clenched just processing that he would really comtemplating it. So wrapped around Sam dying in his arms he didn't notice the fighting stopping, doesn't notice as Castiel, much worse than him, fall next to him. The angel took Dean into his arms ignoring his own pains to comfort his Dean. Castiel can't care that his breathing raggedly and there is a wet rattle every breath he takes in. Some where among his own grief the vessel is telling him that he is dying.

It all happens so fast between the time that Raphael leaves with Sam and the knife being pressed to his throat and Azrael gasps as he is pulled roughly into the body of one of his kin. "This will not be in vain." He shouts pressing a blade roughly against Azrael's neck; he feels the blade bite into his skin. "Our Brother will rise, vessel or no vessel." He hissed.

"You will drop that knife." The demons cower in fear at the sudden appearance of Michael. "Drop it." Michael takes one threatening step forward before the knife clatters to the floor. Azrael stumbled away from the body and was caught in Ekeziel's strong arms. "Disgrace, abomination. To say Father is displeased would be an understatement."

Castiel's vision is blurring and for a moment he doesn't comprehend what his superior is doing before it's almost to late to cover Dean's eyes so they are not burned from his skull when Michael sends the traitors back to heaven. "Castiel," Ekeziel's at their side trying to help him to his feet while Azrael took Dean carefully. "You are mortally injured." He's taken from Ekeziel's shoulder and before he knows it he's being lifted up, up, up.

"Where's Cas?" Dean asks bleary, almost frantic now that he's realized that his angel is no longer with him.

"We need to get you to a hospital." Azrael said softly.

"No, I need Cas." Dean tried to look around but he's dizzy and the pain is becoming overwhelming. "I need him." Azrael doesn't try to argue with him just holds him closer and takes him to safety.

* * *

Okay folks there you go. There is one, maybe two more chapters to go. Depends on how long the last chapter gets if I'm going to break it apart. Unforunately the last chapter that I had written doesn't work any more...damn muse.

Okay, I wasn't going to say it but I will, there isn't any character!death here. I told you I completely huggles on Sam so no way is he just _dead_.

Was the format okay or was it hard to read? I know it was going all over the place


	22. Chapter 22

Raphael stared at Michael in disbelief, "You cannot be serious."

Michael growled, "Even if by some miraculous chance that it wasn't dangerous I would _still_ be inclined to deign the request." He said evenly even as his eyes flashed with annoyance at being questioned.

"But--"

"Nothing. Earth does something to us. Makes us--"

"What?" Raphael shouted, now clearly angry beyond a doubt. "Makes us realize that we are not some black and white, right or wrong entity. Shows us that we can make choices and those choices do not automatically mean our Damnation!"

"It makes us questions our Father!" Michael hissed.

"_I_ have never questioned Father, Castiel has never questioned Father. Even in his darkest days. Beriah was ordered to do those things. I do not think she would have ever done the terrible things she did if it hadn't been for a superior telling her to." Raphael needed Michael to see reason, to see that a loyal brother would never fall to the darkness like the wayward Beriah had.

"Exactly," Michael shouted finally raising his voice and Raphael knew that he had said the wrong words. "There is a traitor among _us_, the archangels and that should be our only prioreity."

Raphael clenched his hands into fist. "And that means we should leave the Hunters here without any help?"

"Hunters have done just fine without us for centuries." Michael responded coldly. "They don't want our help Raphael."

"That shouldn't matter and they shouldn't have to do this alone." Raphael knew that Michael was reaching his end and would not hear him out much longer. "Why?" He had to at least know that much.

Michael sighed and for a moment he looked just like a man that was tired and ready to sleep. "I do not wish to leave them defenseless but it is too dangerous, Raphael. Azrael, Helez, even Ezekiel feel a connection here now. Any, all of them can be used to finish this. We leave now and never return Lucifer will never rise."

Raphael cannot argue with logic but still felt the need to ask one more thing. "What about Castiel and Dean?"

Another sigh, "Castiel is a truer candidate for being the seal more than any. His vessel, the love for Dean, emotions. We cannot risk it." Michael rubbed a weary hand along his jaw.

"But they need each other." Raphael insisted not quite ready to give up _this_ fight.

"We will not risk all of Humanity because of two star-crossed lovers." Michael said with an air of finality before he disappeared.

Raphael sighed and looked down the hall to where Dean laid resting and then to the door across from him where Castiel laid waiting. He pushed the door and entered the room slowly, Castiel was sitting up in the bed with his back resting against the headboard. "Hello, how do you feel today?"

"Josh healed just fine." Castiel kept his eyes on the blanket across his lap he picked at a string until he was able to pull it loose. "We will be ready to continue the fight as soon as Dean and Sam are healed."

Raphael's chest clenched tightly and he pushed his vessel far down so he could concentrate on what he had to tell Castiel without distraction. "Our fight on Earth is over."

Castiel's eyes met Raphael's, "But there are many battles left to fight, gates left open, demons running around Earth as if they own it. We must clean up this mess if we ever want Humanity to be safe." Castiel sat up eyes wide and pleading.

"Hunters have done fine without us for centuries." It left a foul taste in the angel's mouth to reuse the words Michael had said only moments ago.

Castiel's hands twisted in the blanket a hard look came over his eyes. "They still can use our help."

Raphael sighed he should have known Castiel would not take a simple explanation. "We cannot stay on Earth; it is too dangerous. There is only one seal left to break Castiel and we can't risk it being broken."

"Then we start fixing the broken seals, make it more diff--"

"This isn't a negotiation, Castiel. _All_ angels are returning to heaven. It's final." Raphael did not need a vessel to feel his heart break at the look on the younger angels face.

Castiel laid back his eyes leaving Raphael's, "I understand."

"Go spend time with Dean while you can." Raphael left before Castiel could see his tears.

* * *

He wasn't aware of passing out but when Dean came to he knew without even opening his eyes that he is in an hospital. The sterile smell flooded his nostrils long before he opened his eyes. Finally he blinked them open and just stared at the white ceiling for a long time.

"You're awake," Dean looked to his left and a terrifying sense of deja-vu hits him but it's not Cas next to him it's Helez. "It's good to see your eyes brother."

"How long?" Dean's throat is raw and he has that feeling that there was a breathing tube stuffed in there not long before.

Helez took his hand, "Two days. We were worried there for a moment; you had a punctured lung." The angel's hand tighten for a moment. "Raphael healed you before he was commanded to leave your injuries alone."

"Where's Cas?" He pulled his hand from Helez; fucking angels and not helping.

He smiled but his eyes were guarded as he answered, "Castiel is fine. His vessel suffered serious damage but he too is healing just fine."

"What about everyone else, Ezekiel and Azrael?" Dean sees Sam and Azrael in his mind and has to hold back a sob.

"All are fine, no one died but Kidron who took his own life and Beriah." Helez said gently.

"Sam," He couldn't hold back the tears any longer. "Sam died."

Helez stood and moved to Dean's right side and pulled back the curtain there. "Not exactly." Dean sobbed when he saw Sam lying there with his chest rising like an answered prayer. Azrael was sitting in a chair on the other side of the bed with his head pillowed in his arms one hand gripping Sam's tightly.

"How?" He chokes out among the tears.

"Raphael resurrected him." It's not Helez that answered but a familiar voice all the same. It's the angel that saved Azrael before taking Castiel away. "Sam Winchester's death isn't written yet. You will need him in your upcoming battles."

"Is he..?" Dean can't even say it.

Michael shook his head, "He is no longer infected with demon blood. No more strength, no more invulnerability against demon attacks. He is still psychic, that was something he was born with." Michael pinned Dean with a hard stare. "You fought admirably Dean Winchester you should be proud of yourself." He left as quickly as he appeared.

"So fucking annoying." Dean turned back to staring at Sam, a chuckle escaped when he remembered their extreme chick-flick moment at the end there. They were never going to live that down. Damn 'I love you's, freaking embarrassing. A smile graced his lips, not that embarrassing.

Helez sat back down in the chair he'd been occupying. "He has not left Sam's side. Even when Gabriel here and ordered him to leave." The angel smiled, warmed by Azrael's devotion.

"I don't get it." Dean finally tore his eyes away from Sam and focused on Helez. "What makes him special? There was tons of blood split that night. Why did it have to be Azrael's?"

"It wasn't about Azrael. It was his curiosity, thirst for experience, love of Humanity. All these things made him a target for being the final seal." Helez answered softly and Dean couldn't fight that nagging feeling that the angel was hiding something from him. He was used to the angels hiding stuff and couldn't be sure if it was just paranoia. "The angel also had to _die_ for the final seal to be broken completely."

Dean nodded but could not reply before they were joined again, this time by Anna. "Dean!" She threw her arms around him and hugged tightly. "When I heard you were awake I came immediately. Those moments," Of course it would feel like moments to the angel when it had felt like hours to Dean. He wasn't even sure how long the battle had raged. "as you battled in a place where we could not know what was going on." She released him and righted herself. "It was torture not to fly and assist you myself. When Raphael emerged with Sam." Anna had to blink back tears.

Something nagged at Dean again but his head was starting to swim and he wasn't able to hold in the jaw-cracking yawn. "I'm just happy that everyone is alright." Dean tried to keep his eyes open a little longer.

Anna smiled gently, mother-like. "Rest Dean." She kissed his forehead and he had no choice but to rest. He was going to find the remedy to that trick.

* * *

Castiel wasn't sure if it was his own mind or that of the vessel, Josh, he kept reminding himself, but there was stiffness to his body that he could not shake. Josh thought it was nerves. The vessel had lots of opinions now that Castiel could not shut him out, it wasn't completely terrible. Josh understood things Castiel did not, could not. _"You're just nervous about seeing Dean."  
_

_"Leave me alone."  
_

_"Eventually you're going to have to see him."  
_

_"No I don't."_ Castiel knew it was pointless, there was no way he'd be able to stay away from Dean for long.

_"Then go to him."  
_

_"Leave me alone."_ Surprisingly Josh did.

"Cas what are you waiting for?" Anna appeared in front of him startling him from his inner conversation.

"I don't know what you mean." It was weak even to Castiel's own ears.

Anna frowned, "Dean needs you. You are being a coward by staying away from him."

Josh did not like being called a coward and later Castiel would blame his actions on the vessel. He pushed at Anna to get her out of his way but when his sister did not move he shouldered pass her in an attempt to get by. Anna caught his elbow to swing him back to face her his reaction felt like instinct. Castiel swung his fist and it connected solidly with Anna's jaw. "Leave me alone." He growled before walking off.

Anna did not follow.

It did not take Castiel long after that to seek out Dean, he needed to see his charge. He stood outside the room for almost fifteen minutes. If Helez had not come out he didn't think he would have ever made it inside.

"Hello Castiel." He nodded to his brother. "He needs you. He has asked about you several times, please." Helez towered over Castiel and the angel felt like a small scolded child except Helez's voice never once lost it's soft tone.

"I am sorry."

"It's not me you need to apologize to."

"I know," Helez stepped aside and Castiel pushed the door open slowly.

* * *

Helez stood suddenly jarring Dean from the half-awake state he had been in. The angel stalked to the door and ripped it open, whatever was on the other side was blocked by the angel's bulk. The door shut with a bit of a slam. Only a minute or two passed before the door was opened again but instead of Helez coming back in it was Castiel that entered.

"Cas!" Dean sat up jarring one of his broken ribs but the happiness of seeing his angel blocked out most of the pain.

A smile broke open on Castiel's face and he was by Dean's side in seconds. "Dean." He breathed wrapping himself around Dean gently. "I am sorry it took so long to come to you."

Dean carded his fingers through Castiel's hair and buried his face into his exposed neck. "Doesn't matter you're here now. God, I love you." He pulled back enough to find Castiel's lips and pressed his softly against them. "I-I was so scared." He doesn't want to cry but all of a sudden he can feel the tears welling up in his eyes. "When Michael took you away."

Castiel rubbed the falling tears from Dean's eyes and kissed him. "I did not want to leave you but I had no choice."

Dean nodded and tried to get them in a more comfortable position. "Doesn't matter now. You're here and we wont be away from each other again." The shuddering breath sends chills down Dean's spine but he doesn't want to deal with whatever the angel has to say. He just wants to enjoy this moment for as long as he possibly can. "Sam's alive, did you know?"

"Yes," Castiel's watery response terrifies Dean but he keeps the conversation going.

"Azrael wont leave his side, even when I threaten him." Dean smiled and glanced at the curtain that was pulled for a little privacy. "He hasn't woken up yet but Anna said that was just because his body needs to catch up with the whole being dead to not being dead. Whatever that means. Looks good though, did you know that this hospital is staffed by like two dozen angels? Yeah crazy right." Dean left keeping the conversation going and entered babbling to keep Castiel from saying his bad news along time ago.

"I talked to my vessel." Castiel said slowly, "He is an opinionated man. Has something to say about everything. It's annoying, I can't..push.. him down any more. He's always there now, talking."

Dean pulled away a bit surprised and a little weirded out by the revelation. "Like is he..now?"

"Not at the moment." Castiel's regained his composure and looked at Dean.

"Uh," Dean doesn't know how to ask the question that's on the tip of his tongue, isn't even sure he wants an answer. "How does he feel about..us?"

Castiel tilted his head to the side and for a moment Dean is terrified that he'll suddenly be laying in the arms of the vessel and not his Castiel. "He is fine with it." It doesn't seem like the whole truth but not a lie so Dean relaxed a bit.

"Okay," He laid his head back on the pillow and a wave a calm that he hadn't felt since waking up washed over him when Castiel rested his head on Dean's shoulder. "What happens now?"

The angel's whole body stiffened at the question, "Can we just enjoy this for now." Castiel's hand tighten where it laid against Dean's hip. "Let's just enjoy being together."

Dean laughed and coughed, "Uh we don't got--"

"I did not mean that Dean." It's Castiel's reprimand voice and Dean can't help but laugh because for a moment he's back to those few days of bliss where he just had Castiel. There was no looming Final Days not that Dean had forgotten but at the time it had seemed like nothing could possibly take away that happiness he had felt. No kidnapped Sam and no big hidden secret that Dean's sure is going to turn his word upside down. Again. It's hard to believe that it's only been a little over a week and that everything that had happen happen in the span of a day. A day.

"I know," He kissed his temple. "So is it over? If Sam isn't the vessel is there another one of the kids that can take his place?"

"All of Azazel's surviving children have been collected. The demons would not be able to find them even if they passed them on the street." Castiel answered slowly. "But it is not over. All but the last seal has been broken. Lucifer does not _need_ a vessel to rise, he only needs one to be powerful enough to do damage."

"What does that mean?" He could feel the dread starting to build in his stomach. Dean knows this is that bombshell that he hasn't been looking forward to.

Castiel sighed and instead of answering ran his lips along Dean's stubble rough jaw and up to his ear. "Can we talk about this later?"

"I want to talk about it now." Dean said calmly even if it was the last thing he was feeling at the moment.

"I do not wish to spend the last few hours of my time with you talking about this." The words hit him in the stomach like the paw of a werewolf. Hard, fast and he's sure it would have broken even _more_ ribs.

"Last few hours?" If Dean thought he was finished with sounding weak and pathetic he'd been wrong.

Castiel lifted his head and looked into Dean's eyes, "I love you Dean Winchester but I cannot stay on Earth with you. Even though it is the only thing I want, I cannot."

"Why?" Dean choked with sob.

"It's too dangerous." Castiel's own voice cracked. "No angel can ever come back to Earth." A nearly silent sound was heard from the other side of the curtain and even if Azrael had been trying not to eavesdrop on their conversation even he can't hide how much it hurts him at the truth of the matter.

"I can protect you." Dean whispered.

"We should just enjoy the time we have together." Castiel said softly, "Enjoy it."

* * *

Whew, seriously there is only ONE more chapter to this. I freaking promise. hehe.

Okay ever since last week when I saw that this week was going to be about the vessel I was scrambling to get this done because I was like, "Oh heck no, no more canon messing with my head!! Ahh." But between my kid and spradic inspiration it just did not happen. Because ever since the muse was like, "SEQUEL!!" It wanted to do vessel!slash. I personally haven't read any vessel stories. Not because I don't like them or anything but because I really like angel!love. I am not one to fight with my muse so it's going to happen. Josh is going to be _nothing_ like Jimmy. Totally weird that I picked that name like five days ago.

And since I'm not one to fight with my muse that is why Cas and all the other angels that we love are going back to Heaven. I had a happily ever after ending for this, but noooo that didn't happen.

But I do think I've put my foot down for all the Ruby haters (my self totally included) and I will find away to get rid of her. If I do that is there any objection to a little Sam/Azrael lovin'? Because I would totally go for it! Opinions matter here peeps, so even for you lurkers and I know that there are quite a few of you :) Let me know. I'm going to set a poll up on my profile. There is a poll up on my profile to voice your opinion. You can make two choices. Yes or No to Sam/Azrael and if no vote for Ruby or Sam to be alone.

Okay wow, now that I've bored you with all that. Big, huge thank yous to you all. I can't believe this is almost done.


	23. Chapter 23

Sam blinked his eyes open which in its self was extremely unsettling and for a horrifying moment he thought he was going to be in Hell, because Sam remembered _dying_. He remembered laying in his brothers arms and taking his last breath. So when he looked around and found himself in the sterile white of a hospital room; well surprise was an understatement. He--wasn't dead.

"Sam?" He jerked to the right surprised by the sudden voice.

"Azrael?" Strong arms lifted him and he was engulfed in a bone crushing hug. Azrael let out a small sob, "Hey I'm okay." Sam ran soothing hands up and down the angel's back.

"You weren't, you died." Azrael pulled away a faint blush on his cheeks. "I killed you."

"I remember," Sam sat up and all things considered he felt good, strong. And not hyped up on demon-blood strong.

Azrael sat down in a chair that was pulled close to the bed and Sam wondered how long Azrael had been sitting vigil next to him. "Since you were brought here." Azrael said softly, "You are no longer infected with demon blood. That means you're vulnerable to their attacks again." The angel grabbed his hand and held it tightly; Sam was surprised the angel still had a connection to him. "Me too."

"Okay, you're freaking me out." Sam smiled. "Where's Dean?"

"As soon as Raphael gave him the okay he disappeared with Castiel to have a more private goodbye." The blush was full blown now; the incredibly sad look on the angel's face scared Sam. "I--uh actually don't have much time left either."

"What's that mean?" Sam sat forward.

Azrael glanced away a moment, "We are _all_ going home. Most have already returned. Only a few Castiel, Gabriel, Michael and Raphael remain."

"I don't understand." Sam searched Azrael's eyes.

"The final seal is to kill an angel, but it's more complicated than that. It has to do with the vessel, emotions, all sorts of _Human_ things. None of my kin are coming back." There was sadness in Azrael's voice that cut him to the core. "It was an honor to fight next to you. It was a dreamers dream but when we were in that cell I thought when we got out, because there wasn't a doubt." Sam raised an eyebrow. "Much of a doubt that we would. But I had hoped I could be your Guardian. I even asked Michael before he told me that I was to return home."

Sam's chest tightened at the idea that an angel had wanted to be his Guardian, that it was Azrael after everything they had gone through together. "That would have been an honor."

Azrael squeezed his hand, "We are not going to settle for this. We'll find a way to come back."

"This is for the good of the world." Sam said softly.

Azrael's jaw tensed but whatever he wanted to say he kept to himself and smiled weakly, "I know." A beautiful woman appeared in the room with them.

"Ah," She said her voice soft but strong. "You're awake good. You're brother has been driving us insane ever since he woke up this morning." She checked his vitals and looked pleased at what she saw. "I'm Raphael by the way." Azrael's snickering made since now, Sam had been momentarily blinded by the _male_ angels' beauty.

"Nice to meet you." Sam said politely at the same time he diverted his eyes to look at Azrael. She hadn't been the first thing Sam had thought of the whole being _alive_ taking front and center but he had to ask, "Did Ruby make it?"

"We found the demon's vessel but she was gone. We believe she was sent back to hell." Raphael answered as he filled out notations on his medical chart. Sam wondered where the angel would have learned anything about medicine but decided not to question the archangel. It was a small comfort to Sam that there was a possibility that Ruby was okay, even if she was a far way from safe.

"Okay," Sam said quietly. Azrael leaned forward and patted his knee reassuringly. "When do you think my brother will be back?" Sam wouldn't ask that Dean's time with Castiel be cut short but he had a deep desire to see his brother, to know that they were both okay.

"Soon," Raphael smiled weakly clearly upset at the idea. "Michael did not give them much time."

"Yeah." Sam couldn't imagine what it was going to be like for Dean without Castiel. He could only hope that Dean didn't fall apart like he had feared before.

* * *

Dean had his eyes closed and was trying to engrave this feeling into his entire body and mind, possibly even his soul. Castiel in his arms, head pillowed on his chest with a tight embrace around his waist. He was not going to forget this. He was not going to let this go, even after Cas was.. gone. His angel's arms tightened around him and it wasn't the first time that Dean got the feeling the angel was fighting with himself or more accurately, the vessel.

"Whatever it is spit it out. I can feel tension in your body." Dean ran a comforting hand from between Castiel's shoulder blades all the way down to the small of his back.

Castiel sighed, a weight of the world sort of sigh before opening his mouth, "The vessel wants--" Castiel cut himself off and Dean knew that he needed to just wait for him to be ready. "Josh wants to stay with you. After I'm gone." Each word had the feeling that it was being dragged from Castiel.

Dean tried to keep his body from completely going ridged, he didn't--He didn't know how to respond to that. The ves--Josh wasn't Castiel, couldn't be Castiel and Dean wasn't sure he could be around the man that his angel had.. "I don't know."

"He didn't think that you would.. But he needed to ask." It wasn't just Dean, he could hear the sadness in Castiel's voice. "It's just that he doesn't have anyone to go home to."

"Oh," It was a kick in the stomach because Dean didn't want to imagine what it must feel like. Not having control of your body for almost a year and then suddenly having your life back only to really not have your life back. You didn't have life to go back to. "Maybe..maybe that's something Josh and me should discuss." He was getting good at reading Castiel's body language because he didn't even need to see his face to know how the angel felt about not knowing how that conversation was going to end. "It just doesn't seem like a relay sort of conversation."

"He wants to help you with the hunt." No mistaking the bitterness in Castiel's voice at the idea that where he couldn't help Josh might.

Dean shifted uncomfortably, "I don't want to have this conversation right now." He said trying to make it sound final, because seriously they were in bed with a limited amount of clothes on and Dean wasn't digging this threesome/twosome that was starting to go on. He needed an abrupt subject change like five minutes ago. "When I die," Castiel stiffened at the words. "In however many years that is, will you be waiting for me?" It had bugged Dean to no end.

"Of course," Castiel answered so quickly his words almost tripped over the tail end of Dean's question. "I'll carry you to Heaven's gate." It was the most comforting thing Dean could have heard.

"I love you Cas." Dean pulled him impossibly closer, "I'll always love you."

"I will you always love you." A hot puff of air hit Dean's neck and he wondered what could make the angel so annoyed so quickly. "Sam is awake and Michael wishes for Azrael and myself to return home." He said resignedly, in a blink they were fully clothed and outside the hospital.

"Way to kill a goodbye." Dean mumbled truly hurt that Cas had stolen the last few minutes they could have milked out of getting dressed and coming back.

Castiel rested his forehead against Dean's and looked him in the eye, "It was not by choice. None of these actions are by our choice." Dean didn't miss the plural. "If there is ever a way I can return to you, I will." Castiel kissed him softly, "Know that I will always be watching."

The nervous laugh that escaped had both of them smiling, "Well I'll try to be on my best behavior." Dean kissed him and held on tightly for what felt like eternity and only breathless seconds to both of them. "Cas, please." Castiel pulled away reluctantly and took a step back.

"I would like to say goodbye to Sam." They were in the hospital room where it seemed another tearful, on Azrael's part, goodbye was occurring. Albeit, theirs had less kissing and I love yous.

Sam sat up and Dean winced when he saw the scar that ran along his neck, something it seemed he didn't know about yet. Azrael's nervous glance between him and the scar confirming it. "Cas, I'm going to miss you man." Castiel stepped forward and stuck out a hand that he was prepared to shake with Sam's in a very human fashion but the younger man surprised all of them by pulling him into a tight hug. "I wish you guys didn't have to go."

"It is a mutual feeling Sam." Castiel said low and gravelly with a backwards glance at Dean for a moment before he focused on Sam again. "It has been an honor fighting along side you all these months."

"You too Cas." Sam's voice cracked a bit but everyone ignored it.

They were joined by Raphael and Michael, Raphael looked between Dean and Castiel sadness and regret etched across his face, before he turned his attention on Azrael and Castiel solely. "It is time brothers to return home." Azrael's frown deepened but all he did was clasp Sam shoulder once before disappearing. Not self-conscious of their audience at all Castiel grabbed Dean for one more soring kiss before his voice softly filled Dean's head, _"He'll be in room 217. I love you."  
_

"I love you too." Michael got an elbow to the stomach for his frown from Raphael. Raphael left with Castiel leaving the brothers alone with Michael. "What's up Mike?" Dean knew rationally he should give the archangel, _the_ archangel a lot more respect but he had a childish streak a mile long that blamed Michael for everything.

Michael handed Dean a piece of paper, "These are the co-ordinates to the Hell's Gates that have been left open. We ask that you seal them and continue your fight against the dark evil that lurks here." The stoic angel answered solemnly. "I realize that it is more than we have the right to ask but we cannot and you two are.." Michael trailed off and it was obvious he was fighting for the right words to say. "You two are destined for so much and for the first time in millennia I do not know a definite future. It is nerve racking."

"So we're just supposed to do this on our own, huh?" Dean desperately fought the urge to ball up the paper and throw it at the angel.

"This," Michael handed over another slip of paper, the list on this _much_ shorter. "Is a list of hunters that might help you." Michael stepped forward and rested a hand each on their shoulders. "If you are in mortal danger, if you need guidance do not hesitate to call my name. I will answer, I will not fall victim to the seal. Too many years spent on Earth amongst the filth of it to sympathize with you." It was bastardy enough to be completely true coming from the angel. "Good luck Winchester brothers." They were left alone in a room that still felt slightly too crowded.

"Dean," Dean's gaze snapped to Sam's. "Shit man."

Dean hugged his brother tight and held on for a lot longer than the old Dean would have ever let happen. New Dean wasn't going to be such an ass about his feelings; having Sammy die in his arms, twice now, showed him the err in those ways. "Fuck Sammy this shit is way bigger than us."

"We can do it but Dean I gotta know that you'll be--"

"Don't worry about me. It'd really cheapen everything if I fell apart now." Dean cut him off surprised by his own words. "God, I thought you were dead."

"Yeah, me too." Sam rubbed self-consciously at the scar that ran along his neck. "Wanna explain this?"

"Azrael told you about it?"

"No but I can feel that the skins pulled tightly and I can feel it." He ran the pad of his thumb along the two and a half inch scar.

"Raphael said that Mike wanted you to have a reminder of what you were willing to sacrifice for the good of the world." Dean shrugged and smiled ruefully, "I don't think he was keen on the idea of ressurrecting you."

Sam sighed, "I can't believe their gone."

"Yeah, I think that Az was sweet on you." Dean grinned.

Sam shook his head a grin pulled at his lips as his eyes clouded with sadness, "I'm glad he was there. It.. I couldn't have gotten through it without him." Sam sat up, "When can I get out of here?"

"Now, I've just got to make a pit stop. Helez got the Impala for me so we got wheels." Dean was already heading out the door only sparring a glancing thought at how quick he was to see the vess-Josh.

"Where are you going?" Sam called out but the door was already swinging shut behind him.

Dean might have been in a hurry to get to 217 but once he was standing outside the door he stood there for a long, long time trying to gather not only the courage to actually go inside but also decide if this was what he really should be doing. It was a tough decision that wasn't coming easy to the man. Part of him knew at the very least Josh deserved to be told to his face that Dean didn't want anything to do with him. He hadn't been lying to himself; Josh was _never_ going to be Castiel. He couldn't be Cas. There was apart of hm, a small but very loud part that wanted to keep Josh around. Show him how to hunt, become his friend. But he shut that voice up with a kick to the groin. In the end Dean knew he couldn't just walk away from the vessel; he owed him an explanation, something. A ride to where he'd called home at the very least. So with a heavy hand he pushed the door open.

Josh was sitting on the edge of the hospital bed, his hands clasped tightly in his lap; the only show of his nerves raging against his body was the jerky shake of his leg that ever so often caused his whole body to spaz. When his eyes focused on Dean he jumped. "Dean." He stood and took a step toward him before trying to take two steps back that resulted in him sitting on the bed again. "I didn't think you'd come." He said quietly. Freaky there wasn't _that _much difference in his voice, stupid to think that there would be. Stupid to be here, damn it what was he doing here.

"I almost didn't." Dean said softly before grabbing the nearest chair and planting himself in it; he had an itchy feeling that he was going to try and run. "So what's it like being free again?" Dean's face heated up at the question, like Josh had been a prisoner.

"Very lonely." Josh looked every where but at Dean, which Dean didn't really know because he was sort of doing the same thing. "Not that I was a prisoner, because I asked for it. Not that I had it coming or.." Josh trailed off. "It's strange." He said quickly sounding like he was two seconds away from losing his nerve again. "Being alone after so long of having someone there. Not-not that I remember a lot or really anything at all at least until after the battle. Then I remember everything."

Dean's face flushed even more, "Yeah about tha--"

"Don't uh, worry about that. I um, if um, there's one thing I do remember it's how Castiel felt about you. I mean feels, feels about you. He was only-only happy when he was with you." Josh stumbled and mumbled through that with a blush to rival Dean's spread across his face.

"Okay," Dean still couldn't meet his eye but it was still a mutual thing.

Josh finally unclasped his hands and rubbed them vigorously against his thighs. "I-Castiel spoke to Mr Singer and he said that I could-I could stay with him." He trailed off his eyes boring holes into his shoes.

"Cas went to see Bobby?" Castiel had gone behind his back to talk to Bobby about Josh having a place to stay.

"M-Mr Singer," Dean had never heard _any_one call Bobby 'Mr Singer,' "said he wouldn't mind a young back around the salvage yard. You wouldn't have to take me, I can--"

"No," Dean cut him off his mouth working faster than his brain. "Sam's getting the car right now so..." He finally looked right at those piercing blue eyes to find them staring right back at him. He'd hoped, prayed that he would see _something_ behind those eyes that was still his angel, but there wasn't. It was just a lost man looking at him. "We'll drive you there."

* * *

Sam was leaning against the Impala waiting for Dean. His mind was racing through all that had happen the pass hour. Hour, walking up alive, being told the angels were leaving, having the arch-freaking-angel Michael say he had their backs. Even though he obviously despised humans to an extent, enough that he didn't fear the safety of the world. He almost didn't notice his brother come out the front doors. Miracle upon miracles that they could even _do_ any of those things. Walk, talk, _breath_. They both should have been dead or worse. Fucked up life where there was something worse than death. Sam definitely nearly missed the man shuffling behind him; walking like it had been a long time since he had had to concentrate on anything like walking. He had to do a double take just to make sure his eyes weren't playing tricks on him.

Before it registered that the shuffling, nervous man could _not_ be Castiel his heart lept into his throat at the thought that Azrael was back also. Dreamers, dream as the angel had put it.

Sam took several steps forward and saw how Dean put himself protectively between the vessel and Sam. "Sam, Josh. Josh, Sam." Dean pulled open the drivers side back door and the ves-Josh slipped in.

"Woah," Sam yanked Dean several meters from the car. "What are you doing?"

"Cas talked to Bobby, we're gonna drop him off." Sam wished he could see the look on his face to promote Dean's next response. "Fuck dude, it's not like I was going to keep him as a pet."

"I didn--" Sam shuts himself up because some where in the back of his mind he had thought exactly that. He had thought that maybe Dean was so desperate to keep a part of Castiel around that he would kidnap his vessel or something. "Bobby said he could stay with him?"

"Yeah," Dean doesn't want to talk about it anymore because he pulls an impressive imitation of Cas and is in the car with a blink of an eye.

* * *

Some where in Iowa Josh woke up and Sammy was finally sleeping after listening to Dean bitch about how he _needed_ to get some rest. "You were dead!" Dean had kept exclaiming to him. The man jerked awake and stared about wide-eyed and a bit scared. "Forgot." He mumbled resting his head against the window eyes closed but his jaw was tense.

"It'll get easier." Dean wasn't great with giving out comfort but he was going to try. "Y'know, once you get used to it." Dean wasn't expecting the little speech that came next.

"Those two days that I was completely aware were difficult. Angels do not comprehend privacy and they will read into your mind and half the time they don't even understand what they are seeing." It's the first time Josh hasn't stuttered and Dean had started to think the man _had_ a stutter. "Some of the things I remember, when they were actually happening I thought it was because I was being punished for thinking I had the right to ask for salvation. It took me so long to realize I was witnessing the true face of angels. They aren't benevolent, they aren't kind. They didn't care about humanity, they did what they did because it was an order." Josh sighed, "It wasn't until Castiel was forced away from you that I started to see things differently. I recognized that the angel loved you long before he did. I was more aware when he thought of or was around you. You caused him to lose control."

The car stretched with silence, Dean's eyes focused on the road ahead of him. He didn't know what to say or why Josh had shared all of that with him. The silence wasn't uncomfortable and that was what threw Dean the most.

Bobby wasn't surprised to see Josh; that was the first thing Dean noticed. Bobby wasn't surprised to see Josh but he was surprised to see the brothers. "Good to see you again Kid." Bobby shook hands with the man a friendly smile on his face. It was weird. It was even weirder that Bobby was calling a man that was a few years older than Dean 'kid' he hadn't called the brothers that in years. It was usually 'boy.'

"You too Mr Singer." Josh mumbled.

"There's a room, up the stairs two doors on the left. All yours." Josh walked up the porch with barely a backwards glance as the screen door swung shut behind him. "Wasn't expecting you boys to be the ones that dropped him off."

"Well," Dean scuffed his boot across the ground.

"Yeah," Sam shoved his hands in his pocket and looked at the sky.

"Give me the list Michael gave you." Dean dug through his pocket and pulled out the paper. "And the one of Hunters." Bobby ripped the list of gates in half and handed the top half back to Dean. "You take those ones."

"What?" Dean looked at the list that had went from almost fifty to about twenty-five.

"Hunters don't want to work with you two, don't want to hear from you and especially don't want to get wrapped up in your clean up. They," Bobby waved the hunters list a bit. "Might help but their not gonna do anything if they hear from you. As it is they might not even help me." It was overwhelming and disconcerting to hear it said so simply. "You boys concentrate on that half of the list and I'll get people on this half." Bobby looked back at his house, "Thanks for bringing the kid here, got to know him a bit when your angel came to see me. Good kid, wants to help."

"You gonna teach him?" Dean asked quietly.

"Rather learn from you but that can wait until we clean this mess up." Bobby caught Dean's eyes and held them a moment.

"Yeah we'll, ah, talk about that." Dean mumbled. "We gotta get out of here, there's a lot to do and not a lot of time to do it."

Bobby pulled both men into a rare hug and patted their backs, "One day at a time. Make sure you boys don't get in over your heads." They nodded and slide into the Impala.

"Sam, I.." Dean's hand tightened on the steering wheel trying to find the words that he wanted to say. "I can't do this without you." He finally mumbled.

"Yes you can." The way he says it makes Dean glance over. Sam is looking at him a confidence in his eyes that hasn't been there in a long time.

"Yeah, well I don't want to." They've had this conversation before, it feels like four lifetimes ago but it's only been four years.

"Good because you don't have to." Sam held out a hand and knocked fists with his brother and the groan when 'Back in Black' began to play only intensified both of their grins.

"Well Sammy," Dean pushed on the gas and gave his brother a wild smile. "Let's kick some evil ass."

* * *

Azrael sat by himself on the edge of his celebrating brothers; though after seeing how his vessel would be celebrating for being free this paled in comparison. All were happy to be home, to know they had averted the apocalyspe, saved humanity. Azrael would have rather been with Sam on Earth helping him to clean up the mess. A presence settled next to him and he knew it was Castiel. He got a sick joy out of knowing that he wasn't the only one suffering from how things had ended. "What do you want?" He mumbled not bothering to look at his brother.

"We will return to them." It was a wonder how that voice still sounded so gravely and grave even here in Heaven. "I will not rest until--"

"How do you suppose we do that?" Azrael's voice dripped with hate and anger.

Castiel frowned, "Anyway possible." Was his only response.

* * *

I know guys this ended badly but I started it a few days ago and then I saw last nights episode and had to finish it and well, Castiel pissed me off really bad and I just had to get this done with. So there it's done, fucking finally. Sorry I don't mean to take my frustration of the episode out on you.

I know a lot of you peeps were disappointed with how this turned and I totally understand. So about the time I post the first chapter of the sequel I will also post a happily ever after ending to this for you. The original way this was supposed to end and all that jazz. A lot of it isn't that much different except y'know the obvious.

I also killed the muse for the sequel, like took a knife to it and gutted it, it was satisfying. I didn't like where it wanted to go. I don't want vessel slash so there isn't going to be any. It will only be a friendship between them. For you folks who are confused, there wouldn't be much of a story if the angels don't get back to Earth. So it will happen. Hopefully not in the diabolically way I've planned it so far. Hehe, I gotta quit while I'm ahead. I planted a new muse and am in the process of watering it and watching it bloom.

Okay, I love every single one of you to death, I would squeeze you in huge hugs if I could. Thank you for time you took to read this, the time you took to review and favorite it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you! Every single one of you has meant so much to me, if it wasn't for you readers all the time I've put into this would be nothing. Again, thank you.


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